Whatever It Takes

I used to be freaked out at the fact that ten metres of intestine could actually fit in… in there. In my stomach. I suppose as I got more bloated over the past few days with my full colon problem, it became more believable.

To be honest, the past few days I have been feeling really miserable. Up until this afternoon I had periods where I just cried really hard and wouldn’t stop for a good while, feeling damn sorry for myself and how ill I felt, feeling endlessly constipated after every meal, and having not-so-fun cramps from my indigestion. I hated it. A lot.

Yesterday I had a rough time at university; I was fine throughout class but much too tired to really stay awake. Walking into the photo studios ready to set up studio lights and work on our projects, I just wanted to sneak out and lie down on a couch and drift off to sleep. I actually felt relatively fine. I continued taking the fibre laxative my doctor suggested, but that time of the month decided to be a real bitch to me and provide me with some nasty cramps yesterday. Needless to say, I tolerated them and went on eating my banana and carrots for lunch. James’s noodles smelled so good (dude I mean like so good, I hadn’t had noodles in six weeks or something), and he let me have some.

After having a drink and taking my fibre laxative thing I started not to feel so good. I actually couldn’t tell what my cramps were from. It really hurt to walk and it hurt so much that I had trouble breathing and I couldn’t talk loudly without my stomach screaming back at me in pain. On top of that my legs were insanely sore. I pretty much had to cling onto James to walk. It was uncool.

On the train I tried to nap but Mike kept being a little idiot and playing with my hands and trying to steal my scarf before James snapped, “do you mind?” Bwahaha. That was the least of my worries – not just because I love and hate Mike at the same time, kind of the way I am with my brother – because the side train door was being stupid and wouldn’t close properly, meaning that you could hear the squeaking of the train on the tracks and the un-oiled hinges between the carriages. Fuck Cityrail. And, not only that, but later on an Indonesian woman (o yeah, I could tell, because I understood what she was saying) started talking to her friend very loudly and laughing so loudly, then proceeded to change her child’s nappy in the middle of the train. Unhygienic, it smelled so gross that we moved, and it was a fucking rainy day and the floors of the train were dripping wet. Goddamn she should have been ashamed, and I felt so embarrassed for her, being partially Indonesian myself… horror. Horror.

I stayed at James’s for a while and he and his mum made this awesome zucchini and bacon bake thing. I took some home, which my brother ate the lot of. Well, at least he liked it. 🤓 I had some tea and cranberries and eventually lightened up. Booooy it sucks being sick.

Today I felt pretty miserable as well, crying in the early morning. 😞 In the afternoon I went for a run just to clear my head. I barely ate anything, knowing I’d just get constipated as soon as I would eat. Eventually I decided to eat an apple, so I didn’t just starve myself.

This afternoon I thought it might be a good idea to take Inner Health Plus, a probiotic that contains good bacteria for the digestive system. I thought it would help. I went with my mum to talk to a pharmacist, who gave me this stuff called Fleet, which I took about an hour ago. It cleans out your entire colon. I don’t know why my doctor didn’t just give it to me in the first place if she pointed out the endless stool in my colon on my x-ray. 😐

But well, having had to take something so strong and intense, I had to be prepared physically and mentally. I had to make sure I was energised beforehand, so I took some electrolyte drink and had a big dinner. It’s been an hour, as I said, and I haven’t felt like my insides are completely empty. I’m going to be so dehydrated once I’m cleaned out though… so I have electrolytes at hand and some sweet candy to help me for later. Wish me luck and hope I don’t collapse or something. I’m tired though, so I may be sleeping soon.

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