The rest is history
The past is full of stuff I want to forget. I’ve already forgotten some of it. Do you ever have a moment when you are suddenly reminded of something that happened to you, or an incident where you happened to be – and you realise, “Hey, I forgot that happened”?
I’m sure it’s happened to me a few times. Not just in reality, but in something as weird as my dreams.
Most of us forget our dreams when we wake up. Sometimes, much later in the day, though, something goes off in my head and I think, “Hey, I had a dream about that, didn’t I?”
It’s most peculiar. But going back to reality – yes, there are a lot of fights with friends, and fights in the family, that I want to forget. I usually do when it comes to things happening at home. :( Sadly, it’s commonplace, so I just have to pick myself up and move on. I know some people just can’t be cheered up, depending on their mood, but after some time, I think I have to have a little faith. I suffered from depression for part of my teenage years, and the same crap is happening at home that makes me upset – the same fights, arguments and abuse.
But I’ve noticed something in me change, and I have noticed that I no longer think about death and not being here. I have to think about why I am here, and why I am lucky to be here. What are the odds of my existence? It can’t even be calculated. There are many things that make me happy. Sometimes I just have to summon the courage to think about them, and push away the ghastly demons that make me sad.
Putting that aside… I have to do yet another research project this semester and this time, instead of doing it on social networking like I did last time, I’d focus it more on blogging and web design. I’m still looking into methodology and how I’ll go about finding and researching the information, though. I am actually going to look into blogs and archives. Many people archive their blogs. Swetlana mentioned in one of her recent posts, that she was surprised at how far she’d come with blogging and she reflected on how much had changed.
Sometimes we don’t want to reflect on what happens. Who wants to reflect on an assignment that’s already been handed in? @_@ Dumbly enough, I get assignments that are personal reflections on previous assignments, which I find pretty ridiculous.
I’ve been pretty stressed out this week. 😢
But… sometimes, reflecting, thinking about the past, thinking about things we’ve done, gives us a bit of closure. Sometimes in the form of a revelation. I was reading the MX today. One columnist commented on the wonders of social networking allowing you to see what your exes are up to.
She’d found her ex-boyfriend in a video, and even remembering all the good things, came to think, “I can’t believe I went out with you”. And that revelation was enough for her closure.
We can’t run from the past. Sometimes we need to see how much it’s brought us here today; sometimes we need to see how much we’ve changed so we know what is better in us.