The Deepest Blues Are Black

BLDGLHDFJ something tells me I am ill, and yes, I am ill and something is wrong. Lately my diet has been letting me down, and things I usually eat are bothering my stomach to the point where I want to puke, or I get constipated, bloated, and just feel ill. Lilian suggested I see a doctor, and that might be a good idea.

I don’t know how long this has been happening; I can’t remember. But for quite some time, perhaps a few months, I have been feeling this ridiculous bloat after eating pretty much anything, and then feeling stomach pains. Today I felt some nasty chest pains. It’s not pleasant at all. I hate it.

The only changes I’ve made to my diet are:

  • cutting out chocolate and candy/lollies and any such foods
  • eating smaller meals but more frequently.

I cut out chocolate a lot because I tend to eat it a lot if it’s just… around. We’ve got some in the cupboard now, and it gets hard to resist. The easiest thing to do is to just make a goal to keep off it, which is what I’ve been doing lately. As for eating smaller meals, it prevents me from overeating. I don’t know if I overeat a lot, but I definitely did that today and I’ve noticed that since I’ve eaten six small meals a day instead of three large ones, I have eaten generally less.

My stomach is so small. Ugh, I’m not even going to talk about it. I just know that I can’t eat a lot and that lately I’ve been feeling ill. I haven’t made other changes to my diet but now I’m wondering if I’m lactose intolerant or something. I don’t have much dairy other than some butter and milk, though.

And sleep? I guess I have been sleeping late, but I’m still getting enough. On my days off I squeeze in about ten hours, and I sometimes nap. I can’t say my sleeping patterns have changed much in the past two years, so I don’t think that is a contributing factor to these digestive problems.

I would go and see the doctor, but I hate doing so. I hate going there and waiting for two hours only to see the doctor for five minutes. I am always bored in that waiting room, among all these other sick people. I don’t know if I should listen to music or read or look at magazines there. I hate it. But I guess I should be grateful that I am rarely sick. I don’t see much point in making an appointment either, because other people with appointments take forever to see the doctor – they take half an hour… and as they walk out they’re still chatting to the doctor about something completely unrelated to their broken leg. Doctors have work to do. You’re there to receive their help and guidance as a professional, not for a bloody casual chat. Other people are ill and want to see the doctor too.

Every time I whine about this to someone, they agree. Who are the people who take forever with the doctor? Probably the elderly. I don’t mean to be biased and nasty, but hey, they could be lonely, they could need more help. That said, though, I find that a lot of elderly people are really rude to anyone younger than them. It’s always been some kind of ridiculous societal rule to “respect your elders”. The only thing I have against this is that some elderly people can’t even respect teenagers or young adults. They don’t just automatically gain respect. They have to earn it. I’m very disgusted at the amount of elderly people who look down on people my age, or children in school, particularly the latter, because all they want to do as thirteen-year-olds is have a bit of fun and do silly things. You were once a kid, stop scoffing at the innocent.

Sure, kids have changed since the early 1900s, but that doesn’t mean you own the place and should expect everyone to respect you.

Also, my 5:00-8:00pm classes aren’t bad. I got let out last week early… I’m not really looking forward to tomorrow because I just hate night classes in general, but, whatever. I’ll bite the bullet and deal.

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