Redstone dust

Fuck. Guys… fuck. Okay, today I spent probably around two hours crying, bawling my eyes out. Shit. Seriously. I got another terrible grade/mark for an assignment, and it’s from that bitch tutor. That same one who already gave me a very low mark. I’m sick and tired of this. I cried so much because I couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt hurt, upset and just scarred. Ryan tried to comfort me and tell me it wasn’t too late to have it remarked by someone else or to make a complaint but I couldn’t take it anymore. No amount of appealing, no amount of time, no change of my grade/mark is going to change the fact that this teacher is a biased, unfair person who will continue to play favourites with students who do not even try, and it will not change the fact that she has upset me this much.

I dislike that. I am so infuriated that I just don’t even have the time of day for this shit. Next week is my final lesson with that tutor and I swear I will not have her teaching me again or so cow help me. So cow help all of us. I’ve just about had it. I’m sick of this entire semester and I am dying for the 10th June to pass me by so I can just scream bloody murder goodbye to all the horrible subjects that I have had the unfortunate chance to study since February.

It just hurts. I really, really try hard. This isn’t like two years ago when I first started university and slacked off. I actually put so much effort into what I do, and just knowing that my tutor is being unfair – well, to put it bluntly, fuck her. I gave her (and the subject itself) some negative feedback on the student feedback surveys. I was as honest as I could be, without being derogatory. I pointed out the flaws in this subject and how I did not like the teaching methods. I outlined the attention given to students who clearly do not pay attention or do their work. I made specific note of the fact that we are taught how to use new programs one week before an assignment is due. I dislike this subject and that is that. Next Monday I will remove all traces of it from my belongings and it will never see the light of day again.

I didn’t even want to go to work this afternoon. I started getting a headache after I started crying, and I was trying to hide my face, listening to The Classic Crime really loudly through my earphones. It was kind of nice. I wanted to call my mum and tell her what happened, but she was at work. On the way to work I napped on the train, and I thought I’d be alright once I got there, but it started raining and I had to walk in the rain. I tried to run, but I didn’t want to slip, so I just felt the rainwater drip on my hair and trickle down my neck and all that shit.

I cheered up for a bit. I thought, I can make it through work. I can make it, just a few hours. At about 5:00pm it was excruciating. I was going to cry again and I began to sniffle. After blowing my nose and stretching for a moment, I survived. Barely. I was still tired and irritated.

So. I’m twenty years old, it was my birthday yesterday. Lilian turned twenty today. 😄 You can visit her blog or leave her a tweet. We haven’t had the best of birthdays. Mine wasn’t great. Not many presents or celebrations, but that’s okay. No need to hype it up… there are better days to come anyway. 🙂 I think we’re both just sick to death of university.

I don’t think I’ll go to class tomorrow. I feel ill. It’s just presentations. I hate shitty days. 😢 I look forward to next week. I can go around reading blogs again at a consistent pace, I can watch movies, I can play Minecraft until I have to return to university for photography class for the winter…

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