I don’t want to study anymore either

Early this morning at about 3am, I had a panic attack. I never had one before, and the feeling was horrible. I couldn’t breathe, I found myself looking for cover, trying to curl into a ball while I was sitting at my desk. After trying to move off my chair to sit on the floor and failing, I bowed my head down and let my chest heave as I panted, until I managed to calm down about ten minutes later.

The thing is, it was worse before that. I started hallucinating. I was seeing images from the movie The Shining. I was seeing blood dripping down the walls, “REDRUM” in red around me, and the walls, which had turned black, were caving in. I saw anime characters, and multiple instances of No-Face from Spirited Away, with his face distorted like Edvard Munch’s The Scream. It was terrifying. I was alone at the time, and going to the kitchen just for a glass of water was difficult. I had to turn on every light, look around my shoulder, and make sure there wasn’t a murderer in the shadows.

I was up late working on a group assignment, and as I mentioned to Daniel and Jamie, I am not doing that ever again. I am not staying up for an assignment. I am not staying up until my eyes droop and until my vision goes black because god forbid, no assignment is more important than my health. This assignment was pure hell. I was working on it all weekend, and it involved proofreading and formatting a 93-page project proposal. I actually logged twelve whole hours of it on Saturday, when I was feeling a little better from my digestive problems. I have never spent so long on an assignment in such a short period of time.

I will be honest, I didn’t eat anything for a few days. On Sunday after working so hard for many hours, I went to have lunch with Seb by the harbour, which was nice. I was going to see Lime Cordiale play, but their set was cancelled due to rain. I think that was a good thing because I came early for lunch only to find that their set had been moved from 3pm to 6pm, and I went home (after Seb convinced me not to stay). I didn’t miss anything!

Yeah, alright, so I was on the phone with Andrew for a few hours but I love that guy because he is one of my best friends and we rarely get to talk. I once said Hey Geronimo > uni, and now, everything seriously takes priority over university.

While I was alone during my panic attack, I am forever thankful that Daniel was online to help me get through it. He was also there when I finally finished the assignment and went to bed at 5:30am. After dealing with a seemingly hostile group member, having my friends around meant more than anything, and to finally hear James talk over the phone this afternoon was sweet to my ears.

I went home early from work because I felt utterly sick. I ate yoghurt and oats this morning, and the yoghurt must have gone bad because I instantly felt ill. I had excruciating abdominal pain that felt worse than any menstrual cramps I have ever had, I vomited a little and had to visit the toilet several times. After struggling through some work I eventually went home.

I walked home from the bus stop, and it made me nostalgic. I missed walking home in the afternoons with the glorious afternoon sunshine. It lightened my mood. A little bit.

Everything sucks. I still feel ill and my stomach hates food. I hope I get better soon.

Comments on this post

I’m glad I was there for you last night. Having been through countless panic attacks myself, it turned out to be quite an illuminating experience for me to witness someone else, especially one whom I truly care about, going through such a thing.

I did feel helpless, being too far away from you to be able to do anything to tangibly help you through the moment, but I frankly wasn’t feeling as helpless as I was feeling… resolute, in a way. I felt prepared in that I sort of knew, by experience, what I could do to help the both of us get through it. And that was to simply remain calm, patient, and to above all else just be there for you as a friend, knowing that nothing could actually be done tangibly as much as I wanted to do something, and that it’d be over after a short while regardless. And well, like you’ve said above, it lasted only about ten minutes, despite feeling like forever!

Being ill and being bogged down by academic and professional commitments sucks. I really hope all of this blows over soon. I can’t wait for you to get better. But, all told, I’m just thankful you’re alive ♥

I hope you are feeling better soon. I have suffered a few myself and it’s a horrible thing to experience. I didn’t realise it was a panic attack, I just thought there was something seriously wrong with my breathing. I ended up going to the doctors who said that I had problems with anxiety.

It’s bad when university work takes over your life. I’ve sat on my laptop before crying because I’ve struggled so much with an assignment but I’ve learnt that it’s not worth getting so stressed out over things like that. Everything works out fine in the end.

This is really scary. Just today I was watching something that mentioned The Shining, and I’ve never heard of it before. Wow ….

Anyways in relation to what’s more important: I feel terrible your health is worsened by university. This is sadly my area of expertise, though I have not had a panic attack yet. I don’t have advice for magically not staying up late for assignments /bash , because working for 12 hours at a time is very common for me, and I stay up till 5AM regularly (I usually get up again at 10AM or sometimes 8AM). I don’t work during semester either so you’re a better man than me. (Woman sounded weird. :P)

The only thing that I suggest you can try is to take things slower, because you are too young to drive your health to the limits. I was just on a three-week trip to Beijing and all of my relatives noticed the changes in my health. I couldn’t even climb one flight of stairs. (I can now because of recuperating on my trip.) And what did I get for it? Well only half my grades are A’s while one professor thinks I’m a total idiot.

I know you work hard and are going to feel guilty if you don’t give it your all, and I’d have to tell the same thing to myself. But you said it all, nothing is more important than health. What I try is give up entertainment for more time for schoolwork, which is better than giving up health. Maybe that’s why I’m a loser who hasn’t heard of The Shining until today.

But it’s June and if I remember Australian schedule correctly you should have winter break soon. Use it very, very, very well. (For the record, I think even going on a trip is tiring.)

I hope you feel better soon. You should always set some time each week to relax. =)

Awwww. It’s sad that your homework had to reach a point wherein it was that stressful and time-consuming already. You’re right in saying that you should prioritize your health over your schoolwork.

I never had any panic attacks, but school has made me pretty sleep deprived in the past (though this probably applies to everyone). I eventually just told myself that it simply wasn’t worth it, and that I’d start prioritizing my sleep.

I ended up feeling a lot better during the day, and, actually, getting higher grades too.

Anyway, you deserve and need the rest. I hope you’ll feel better soon! :)

I hope you get better soon too! That is awful!

I’ve never had a panic attack before either but dang girl! You need to give uni it’s priority that it needs so you don’t cause yourself to have another panic attack. Once uni is over everything else has priority. I am just trying to get through uni as well. I just do what I can when I can and I try to get everything done early or start on it early that way I can not be as stressed out as you obviously were.

I hope your stomach gets better. I would hate that feeling. I would keep trying to eat a little something like crackers and drink water (as much water as you can) to help your stomach but I think not eating anything would be worse than eating something and then puking it up or having diarrhea because your body needs some kind of nutrients.
{on the plus side, this is a good way to lose weight! Not that you need to! I wish my body would do this only for this factor…I need to lose weight. -.-}

Eep, a panic attack sounds scary :( I don’t think I’ve experienced one like that before. I was bad about staying up late for assignments in college. The worst was when I pulled an all-nighter with my partner for a programming project, but I never did that again afterwards. I agree that no assignment is more important than your health.

I’m glad your friends were there for you while you had to deal with that group project! I hope you’re feeling better!

:( awwwww hunny. I hate you’ve experienced what I go through at least a few days a week. It’s why I am not allowed to work at the moment. Urgh! I hate you’ve gone through it. Hate it … It’s frightening. And it is real. Never let anyone say to you it’s not real. It is :( I’m glad Daniel was there … Even if on the phone …

Please try and take it easy xxx

I remember this all to well. We were talking about it via e-mail. If you ever need any encouraging words, or back up you have me as a friend. I’ve been through this stuff before.

In fact, I had a panic attack just last night. I was dreaming of walking into a spider web with the spider still attached, and I guess because of that it made me go into a panic attack. I am hardly a lone when I have these attacks, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. They are pretty darn scary.

I’m really sorry you’re having to experience this; but like you’ve told me, do NOT ever stay up for another assignment like this again! I know now from just your experience, not to do it, and I hope to God I don’t find myself doing it either when I start college.

You will get better soon, I promise you. Just don’t let this panic attack control your life. I know that there are some people out there that if they have a problem like a Panic/Anxiety attack they allow themselves to be a victim and let it control them. I know you’re a strong willed woman and can beat it. If I can go back to driving after years of not, than you can control your attacks. Hopefully they aren’t permanent and it was just stress that is causing you to be sick. Which is what happened to me.

I know I shouldn’t be posting this online, but in all honesty – – My stress was caused by my nerves being ‘shot’ when I was a kid growing up. My stress caused me to have stomach pain like you would not believe! I did a lot of tests and it all basically pointed to stress. Remember this -stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Pretty cool huh?

But yeah, I know exactly what you’re going through. You’re having stressful times as University is about over, and you can’t wait till it is, so your body is definitely under stress from all that’s going on. When your body is under a lot of stress, it will shut down and you will have panic attacks. It hits people of all ages and at different times. My mom had it, I have it, and now you, but hopefully your medical doctors are superior then that we have here in California. I don’t want to see my best friend have stress! But with all the schooling that you have done, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what is causing you to have the panic attacks. Again, if you ever need to talk to me, I’m just an e-mail away.

I wish I could offer something to help you feel better or make things seem much less painful for you :( I’m glad you have such amazing friends to be there for you and help you through it all.

Oh, I hate how uni professors forget that their students are real people and stress is real. I think with how long you’ve been in school, you’re allowed to put everything over uni! It’s good, sometimes, to put it aside and focus on you and your health- definitely important.

That sounds so terrible just hearing about it, much less living through it! I’m so glad you’re okay after all of that. I remember those excruciating uni assignments; I graduated in December 2012, and I still routinely have dreams where I am stressing and trying to finish large projects before a nearby due date. I never thought I would get borderline-PTSD symptoms from schooling, but here I am @_@

My best friend suffers from panic attacks often, and they are always difficult to watch/hear him go through. What often helps him is to close his eyes, lie in the fetal position on his floor, clutch his favourite guitar in his hand, and sing his favourite songs to himself. It’s odd for his roommates, but it helps him to calm down faster than when he can’t do this ritual. Hopefully you don’t have any future panic attacks, but if you do hopefully you can find a way to end them quickly :(

At work the other day, one of my coworkers was shocked that I manage to get about 8 hours of sleep most nights during the fall and winter semesters, and I explained that my priorities go like: sleep > athletics > work >= uni. Sometimes our health is more important than whatever shit other people tell us is important, like uni. I’m really sorry to hear about your panic attack, but hopefully at least one good thing will come from it, which is sorting your priorities out. ♥

Hey Georgie , Thats Not Good That You Ended Up Having A Panic Attack At 3Am , I Have Never Experienced One For Myself But I Hear They Are Horrible I’m Glad You Were Able To Calm Yourself Down. Maybe You Shouldn’t Of Watched That Movie LOL & Thats Crazy That You Were Seeing Scenes From The Movie Id Be Soo Freaked Out & Scared I Wouldn’t Know What To Do With Myself. Hopefully You Got The Assignment All Done & You Wernt Too Tired I Wouldn’t Be Able To Do It Id Be Falling Asleep LOL.. Thats Not Good That You Didnt Eat Anything For A Few Days Its Always Good To Eat .. Thats Not Good That The Food Didn’t Settle With You Very Well , Hope All Is Well Now & You Feel Better Soon <3.

Not sure if panic attack was what I experienced before but there were times when I suddenly couldn’t breathe normally too. And it’s not a one day two days thing, it happened for one whole day and then the next and the cycle continued. O_O

It’s better not to pull an all nighter, yeah @_@ whenever I stay up super late for college’s rubbish, I end up having headache and nausea the next day that I can’t even process my brain to think for anything. Then again, I think it’s true that lack of sleep might result in nausea? Or maybe it’s just an issue for some, hm..

Ah, the situation’s really horrifying, though.
Anyway, get well soon, G! O_O don’t mind the assignment first (hah, am I a bad influence or what), mind the health first~ (Y)

Oh gosh Georgina *hugs* I hope you feel better soon :( I’ve only had one panic attack before and it was pretty recent, but not nearly as serious as yours *hugs again*

University can be a bitch, but I’m glad that you know your priorities! (tbh everything > uni in my book haha) I just really hope your health gets better soon :(

*hugs some more*

I am so sorry, that is such a horrible thing to have to go through. :( You are 100% right, no assignment is worth damaging your health.

I hope that you are starting to feel a bit better. ♥