I don’t want to eat anymore

For the past two to three weeks I have been experiencing polyphagia/hyperphagia — excessive hunger or increased appetite. It is so bad it has come to the point where I have to stop myself from walking into the kitchen or going near any food, and I am wearing my retainer during the day to simply stop me from eating. In the past couple of weeks I have eaten whole packets of ravioli and tortellini (that read “serves 4” on the front) in a day, whole bags of beans, tubs of yoghurt and packets of waffles. I’m not eating anything severely unhealthy in excess — I am having the occasional chocolate and handfuls of candy but I’m only slightly grateful that I haven’t eaten a whole pack in one sitting.

A couple of weeks ago I ate a whole box of chocolate sticks and it made me so ill that I threw up. The reason I have been eating so much is because I just do not have the ability to feel full. My stomach has felt like a bottomless pit. I get hungry only a couple of hours after eating a meal, and I will serve up something small like a cup of oats and yoghurt, only to go for second, third and fourth helpings. I’ve tried drinking water to check if I’m just thirsty, but I get to a few cups only to feel even hungrier.

My diet hasn’t changed in the past month. I have been eating more vegetables, but my diet is more or less the same. The feeling of vomiting is present after I eat, and I often feel constipated and bloated with my bowel movements having a putrid odour.

It is so gross. I can’t even walk up to food without wolfing down a whole plate or two. I can’t stop eating and I will just go for more servings. I have gained more than ten percent of my body weight (that’s five kilograms/eleven pounds) in the past week alone, and I have clothes that were once loose that now don’t even fit me properly anymore. I just eat and eat and I don’t feel full. I’ve eaten slower, purposely, and eaten everything with chopsticks, and I sit there for forty minutes consuming a plate of regular-sized dinner, but I’ll still finish it. I’ll go back to my room for half an hour, then I’ll get bloody hungry again.

I refrained from seeing the doctor until symptoms got worse because I put it down to the ordinary culprit of PMS, despite never having PMS apart from mood swings, and I refrained from writing about it on my blog because I did not want people commenting about what diseases or illnesses I could possibly have, or giving me suggestions I couldn’t handle. My own paranoia started as a child when I would worry incessantly about being ill until my doctor told me “if it doesn’t hurt all the time, likely nothing is broken, and if you can still move, you’re most likely alright, and if nothing is bleeding excessively, it’s probably something small”. That is the primary reason I left it until symptoms worsened. I’m just a paranoid soul and I shake off my worries and dislike visiting the doctor.

I went for a blood and breath test this morning to see if I have a stomach ulcer (yeah, great, hopefully not), iron deficiency (this seems to come and go), diabetes, and just to check up on my cholesterol and other issues.

Also, the migraines have been terrible. I also can’t seem to get enough sleep — I get the same amount I usually do and have no trouble falling asleep, I never wake up during the night — and I still feel so tired by afternoon.

I feel like shit, to be frank. It makes me so upset that I can’t get up properly in the mornings because my head feels like it is going to fall off. I can’t concentrate on anything. My moods have dipped and I have been crying, screaming and yelling at things, but that may just be a result of the pain. At the same time, I know I am refusing to believe I am stressed or depressed again.

I was going to see Lime Cordiale last night to celebrate my birthday on Wednesday, but I was ill so I didn’t go to work and I was in bed half the day (the other half in the bathroom feeling just as ill). I’m home again today and I have to work on a group assignment due in the next few, and I can’t even concentrate. I was supposed to go for a lovely dinner with James tonight, but that isn’t happening anymore.

If this is what being 22 is like, well, it can go and get stuffed. Ugly thing. But my parents bought me lots of tea for my birthday and filled one of my large shoeboxes with tea. :’)


Comments on this post

Holy Toledo, Georgie, that sounds awful :/ I kind of know the feeling. I used to eat and eat and eat, for no reason other than I could. When I fell into depression, it stopped and I couldn’t even eat a small bowl of rice without wanting to throw up. I got better and had a normal appetite again, but when I got into university it kind of went downhill again due to stress. But there are days where I’ll stuff myself to the point where I feel ill and want to throw up, or I actually throw up. :(

I really hope you feel better soon, and that you figure out what’s wrong.

Wow. I’m so sorry to hear of this. It must be pretty frightening to not be able to control it. I’m sorry your 22nd was marred by this, but hopefully you enjoy your tea anyway. Happy belated 22nd, anyway! I hope you feel better soon and whatever form of stress/anxiety/upset is causing this goes away. Just keep calm and take plenty of rest!

Well, that’s awful Georgie. Eating too much foods and never get full. Well, it can leads to an unhealthy life, sometimes although you aren’t feeling full after eat a lot of foods, you need to stop eating. I’ve got a cousin, with the same problem as yours. She keeps on eating and eating, until she’s 30kg heavier than before. She’s 40kg before and now she’s 70kg – 80kg something.

Ugh, migraine. My biggest enemy in this healthy life. I ever get migraine at school, even when I’m answering a test. Gosh, it attacks without any signs and yeah I’ve felt unstable and it’s so painful until I can’t even focus on the test. But, luckily I’ve passed the test.

Get well soon Georgie!

Goodness, it should help that you went to the doctor. This sounds pretty serious. I sometimes do this kind of awful binge eating usually when I’m very depressed and frustrated, but after it something terrible would happen like my stomach would twist and churn like crazy that I have to run to the restroom while I’m in the middle of something. It’s always embarrassing. Or if not that friends would soon comment that I’m getting fat. So I come back to my senses and the bad overeating would stop immediately. It’s just a phase like that.
I hope yours is just a phase too. May it be over so you’ll be well again soon. :)

Most of being 22 is much better than what you’re experiencing now, I promise! Hopefully there is something that can be done about your appetite, because that sounds quite extreme. Get well soon! (I’m sure that the weight will come off once you return to normal.) *hug*

Oh Goodness, Georgie! I hope you get better soon! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been sick and not being able to celebrate your birthday properly. Those symptoms are really bizarre. I’m wondering, if you’re eating something and not getting what you’re really wanting? I’ve done that before. Most of the time, it would be something that I haven’t had for a long time, and would eat everything in sight until I knew what it was.

However, in your case, I really don’t know and I can’t determine what illness you have, as I am not a doctor, and I don’t want to be giving you the wrong idea about things. I just wish you’d be feeling well, and back to your normal self again! Try to stay stress free as much as possible. You maybe overloading, and your brain is against it? Not sure, as I am no doctor, and again, don’t want to determine what you have. I just again want you feeling better! *hugs*. Get well soon, and I agree with Stephanie on this, your weight will come off, I’m sure, in due time. Take it easy girl, and you will be feeling better, and hopefully no bad aura’s or results will be found here.

Oh no, I hope you feel better soon! Things usually adjust back to normal after you’ve started feeling better :) at least that’s my experience with illnesses that make me want to lie in bed forever. Happy birthday, again! I’m sure 22 is going to progress and end up being much better than it started. ^-^

I also feel the same way sometimes. Lately, it’s been happening but my parents keep telling me I need to eat, which kinda annoys me. Everytime I keep looking at food, I feel sick and just want to stick to drinking stuff instead. I also keep going on the scale after I finish eating to make sure that the food I ate didn’t give me too much weight.

I hope you feel better and take good care of yourself. Don’t stress out too much at school, okay? /hugs. xo

Oh… you must be feeling so sick! I’ve never had such a problem and I’m extremely thankful for it because I’m not exactly a slim girl… I have some weight issues!
Aww your birthday shouldn’t have been ruined this way *hugs*, but atleast you got to go to your favourite gig!
I totally love tea… it’s like the most important thing for me… I need a cup of tea every morning and evening and 3-4 times in between! We don’t buy the Twinings Tea but in India there are so many different options for it!

I totally loved the Artemis Fowl series… right now I’m reading the 4th book in the series… and thanks I’m much much better now… and now the Monsoon season has arrived so for the next 4 months we will have only rains over here and the weather is becoming quite pleasant!

Take Care! :D

I wish I could tell you being 22 starts to feel better, but I’m still depressed. I think it got easier as I grew more used to it. I hope whatever is wrong can get figured out!

I’ve been having some odd pains that I can’t figure out what the cause is, but I hate going to the doctor. :(

I hope that you’ll start to feeling better soon (and eating less, since it’s something you’re not wanting to do)!