Adventures through time and space
It’s actually a rare occurrence that I write in such detail about my day. I usually find one solid topic to blog about, and manage to write a good five hundred words on it. Another funny thing is when I just write something, and feel in my heart that I wrote without thinking (more like a stream of consciousness)… yet people seem to like what I ramble on about.
Today I was thinking about the past, which I hate doing. I was going to university to get some help with changing my subjects (let’s face it, Georgina’s probably gonna do much better and enjoy Photography better than Illustration – not to mention, yesterday, as I tried drawing with a tablet, I realised that my drawing sucked), and as I sat on the train I just thought about what happened in the past. It’s something I hate looking back on as a lot of it was filled with self-harm and depression. It’s like a dark hole.
I thought about one of my ex-boyfriends, and after a bit of thought, I realised that I was completely a fool to have hung on. I know it’s hard to let go. Now I realise that he was such a douche.
Why I come to this realisation about six years later I have no idea, but it’s always worth blogging about, isn’t it?
Well, he’s a douche. We got along after the break-up, as friends. But I realised just how much I sacrificed for him. It wasn’t my life or my heart or my eyes. It was my time. Time wasted. Time. Something I consider so, so important now. Something I treasure a lot now.
A lot of people said that 2010 went by so fast. It did for me too. I feel that as I get older the years trickle by a lot faster. Even now, I see a good life ahead of me, and I have many goals, but thinking about how far it is – it’s not far at all. The future is so close. And to be honest, I actually wish it was here. I used to dread the future. As a child I used to dread growing up. It scared me so much. I didn’t want to get older. I just wanted to stay a kid. I believe that the reason a lot of us are kids at heart is because we get physically older, we even get mentally older, but we still hold onto the fragments of our childhood and yearn for times long gone.
As I thought about my ex, sitting on the train – I thought about the time I spent going to see him at music rehearsals, spending lunchtimes with him, spending time chatting to him. When really, I believe that I gave more than I took, and he gave so little. These days, I feel a bit stingy with my time. I feel like I want to spend my time doing things I find important. I’m a bit selfish too. I want time to do things for myself too.
On the train, I stopped thinking. I got out my notebook and pen and wrote a poem to use my time wisely. I love writing poems. I wrote poems to empty my thoughts. To look ahead.
I saw James today, and we dismantled my laptop and put him back together after giving him a good vacuum (and getting a bit confused with the screws). We chatted as we munched on chicken, salmon, buns and wraps. We lay with the windows open and caught the cool breeze. ♥️
Sometimes I wish I had a TARDIS so I could move through time and space. But as handy as that may be, I’d never know how precious time is. The same way we wouldn’t know happiness without sadness; joy without anger; love without hate.
Today involved time spent with someone who was worth my time and effort. ♥️