Dream Catch Me

I can sense that this is probably my last blog of 2010. I highly doubt I’m going to bother blogging tomorrow, seeing as right now it’s already nearly the end of the day and it’s going to be midnight soon.

Tomorrow I’m not sure if I’m even going to bother going out and seeing fireworks for New Year’s Eve. I usually… don’t. I think it’s a little overrated. It’s nice to welcome in the new year, but I think that this year I’ll do it quietly. Last year I was sitting on my laptop and just hearing the echoing sounds of the fireworks and all.

This year went by so fast, I can’t believe a new year is headed upon us. I really don’t believe it. I guess that’s why I’m not excited. But I do still have hopes and dreams, and some vague idea of resolutions. I usually don’t like making resolutions – they are never kept, and you can make them at any time of year as some kind of personal goal. It’s nice to start the year fresh, though.

Last year I said that I was going to have less domains, get more sleep and get better marks in university. I know I got better marks; they all went up by a whole level this year, and I’m really proud of that. I hope to up it again next year, though that’s going to be a huge challenge since I’m doing so well already. 😉 I do have less domains; I have well under 20, whereas last year I believe I had well over. 😛

I also said that I was going to be a better person. Sophia was such a gem and emailed me the other day, reminding me of what I had said. She said that to her, I have become a nicer person. It really touched me that someone noticed that even though I was nice before, I have become so much nicer. Deep down I know I had some tiffs with people… and I’m sorry for that. I really want to let this sort of kindness flow in to next year, and especially into my family. We haven’t been close for a while and one of my greatest hopes is that we will be next year.

I’m going to try not to go off at people. I need to try not to get angry and flame my anger at people. But what I may not be able to promise is my emotions of sadness to dissipate. I’ve suffered from depression and it’s not pretty, but I’ve been through it. The past week has been a wreck for me, and there have been days this year when I’ve just fallen. But I know I am strong and can pick myself up again.

My dear friend Tiffany wrote about how change is not impossible. People can change. And I believe that change, especially for the better, is inevitable. Next year I really want to change. I’m still the same person, but I know that there are things I can do to make myself better, while still being me. I know I’ve been a bitch, and I don’t need people to tell me. I know I’ve been moody, and people don’t need to tell me that either. Maybe new years resolutions are ridiculous, but there is never anything wrong with having a hope or a dream for yourself. If you want to change something, believe in yourself and do it.

We can all reach the stars. We can all make the stars look like they are not shining. We can shine ourselves. We can radiate our love to those around us.

I hope you all have a beautiful end of year. ♥️

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