I share some of my favourite tunes to work out to.
Health discusses everything health, though mostly related to my personal life. I have had a countless amount of health issues related to my digestive system and mental illness.
One issue is my twelve-year battle with high cholesterol despite being extremely thin. I was constantly told that genetics did not contribute to my condition. I tried so many diets to reduce my cholesterol levels, but to no avail. Visiting a new doctor in 2013 led me to discover that my condition was indeed genetic, and I was put on medication.
My second issue is related to depression, which I suffered since 2004. I went through bouts of being suicidal, and self-harmed a lot of the time. I visited a counsellor in 2008, and began taking medication in 2011. I stopped in 2013, feeling a lot better.
Occasionally, I still get anxious, and there are times I have been extremely stressed and on edge. The last time I recall feeling suicidal was in late 2013, whereupon I called a friend to talk to. It was the first time in about a year that I had had thoughts of suicide.
From what people see of me in real life, or in photos I post, I have a slim, relatively well-proportioned body that many women would kill to have.
But like many other people, I have not always been comfortable with my body and my physical health, and to get it to the state it’s in now and feel good about it has taken me a very long time.
In this post, I write about the struggles I went through and how I shaped into the more positive person I am today.
I dealt with some super annoying traffic this morning.
I visited the doctor to get my sore throat checked out. It’s not fun when you have a sore throat three times in a month: the first time developing into a violent cold, the second time blasting your voice out of existence, and the third time you are determined to get it to piss off. Apart from finding out I have pharyngitis, I also found out something else more interesting!
I haven’t been this sick in a while, living off green tea, hot soup and crackers because I don’t have much of an appetite. It also feels sort of lonely.
I had a cough after my presentation last week (thank goodness it was after my presentation), and over the weekend I felt lethargic even though my sore throat disappeared, but the other day I woke up with a horrid cold. I hadn’t slept well and I woke up because I was unable to breathe through my nostrils.
It’s not every day you decide to use organic, all-natural shampoo, so when Nick decided to try Hanz de Fuko’s products, I thought the shampoo smelled so good (well, obviously from smelling his hair, hahaha), so I tried it over my Palmolive-whatever-it-was.
The fact that all their hair products use natural plant extracts and smelled so good was very appealing. I have heard all too much about sodium lauryl sulfate in most shampoos being bad for your scalp, too.
The main issues I have had with my hair – because I colour/dye it at least three times a year – include dry split ends and dandruff. My dandruff used to be very bad until I decided to remedy the issue by using the ‘no-poo’ method, ie. skipping the shampoo and using only conditioner. I have always used conditioner, but I read that conditioner does just as good a job of cleaning as shampoo does, without drying out your scalp. Of course you get the added benefit of soft hair too.
I borrowed Nick’s shampoo and conditioner one time to try it out.
I just ate fish for breakfast. It didn’t bother me at all.
Breakfast has always been a hard thing for me to stomach. Not kidding, and not a pun. I remember days when I would just struggle to eat anything in the morning, because I would either feel like throwing up, or be writhing on the floor in pain. When I was younger, Weet-Bix was easy, two pieces with milk, strawberries if I was lucky. To this day, I still struggle to eat more than two. You’ll find people grinning about how they can eat six, ten, twelve, fourteen.
When I found out I had a high cholesterol at ten years old, I stopped drinking full cream milk, and moved to soy. I dare say I’ve probably developed an intolerance to lactose because of it. I started drinking milk more regularly this year, when I began eating breakfast at work, but my body hated it.
I mentioned that I joined a gym a couple of weeks ago. I consider this a feat. I’ve hated gyms for a very, very long time. The feeling goes a bit deep, and I don’t often like to talk about it. My workplace offers a free gym membership, so I joined. I had a training session today, which was part of the membership. The trainer I got was very nice – she asked me a few questions about fitness and my goals and got me to do a few exercises before determining what would be best for me.
I feel like I have finally built that bridge and climbed over it. Coming from starving myself for weeks and struggling with body image, from despising any talk about going to the gym, from being upset by a comment that might have even slightly hinted that I was unfit.
From hating sport with a passion. From being encouraged by people to participate in sport, but having it feel like a forceful “if you don’t do this, you suck”. From feeling like my legs were getting bigger the more I rode a bike, but I loved bike riding. From feeling like my stomach wasn’t flat enough when I looked in the mirror when I danced ballet.
I’ll be honest, I just realised I don’t particularly like digging up my favourite tracks of the month and this Monthly Music segment was not the best of ideas. I guess that may be because I am not in a particularly good mood right now, or I had way too many favourites in August, or I left this until the last minute, but something struck me as fairly obvious as I was ready to crawl in bed and skip this month (it’s 11pm).
For starters, I’m sick. I dare say I’m getting better, actually. It was on Friday, after drinking a soy latte, that I realised it had irritated my throat too much. Whether that is because the milk was bad, or I had too much soy milk that day, or had just inhaled some pretty nasty toxins at work, or the weather tickled my lungs a bit too much, I found my throat really hoarse on Saturday morning and my nose slightly runny. Uncool.
I took a lot of vitamin C tablets. I like to say it’s time to overdose on those things when I have a cold, but you can’t really, because your body gets rid of any excess of vitamin C. Anyway, I let myself have a lot, lot, lot of tea, and honey, and lemon tea. I spent most of the day in bed, and I took a few-hour-long nap in the afternoon. I didn’t go to bed quite so early, but I let myself have enough sleep.
It looks like pancake. It says panache. It’s not pronounced pa-nuh-shay, but it is pronounced puh-nash.
Panache is a word of French origin that carries the connotation of flamboyant manner and reckless courage.
The literal translation is a plume, such as is worn on a hat or a helmet, but the reference is to King Henry IV of France (13 December 1553 – 14 May 1610). Pleasure-loving and cynical, but a brave military leader and the best-loved of the kings of France he was famed for wearing a striking white plume in his helmet and for his war cry: “Follow my white plume!” (French: “Ralliez-vous à mon panache blanc!”).
So it basically means a plume of feathers, or style/swagger.
Anyway, I came across panache today, and like the word “trifecta” (along with many others), it makes me think of a really, really nice colourful jelly and whipped cream dessert with a cherry on top. No idea why, is it because it sounds/looks like the word pancake, or has French origin? Follow my white plume, indeed.
I joined a gym today. Or gymnasium, if you will.