You Won’t Know
I started, and finished, reading The Pilot’s Wife by Anita Shreve. It was a mysterious and emotional book, and it brought up this question – how do you know when you truly know someone?
Sometimes I think that people don’t know me, and I’ve heard people say, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
Perhaps in actuality you cannot give a definite yes or no about knowing someone. Sometimes you’re not sure. In the book, the daughter of the protagonist says to her, “No mum, you don’t know me.”
I don’t have many friends. It’s not something I go telling people all the time. If the subject comes up, then that’s it. I truly don’t have many friends, but it doesn’t bother me. In high school, I had a lot of friends, but there’s a reason why they all drifted away when university came around again. They didn’t know me.
James was the one who asked me, “Do they really know you well? Do they know you more than the superficial birthdays and favourite bands?”
Even people I don’t consider close to me know that I’m obsessed with Armor For Sleep and Nirvana (more so back then than now). It made me think, when James said that. We were a huge group, a large circle of friends. But when it came to knowing each other individually, I wondered why it was so strange and why sometimes we didn’t even have things to talk about. I thought I was close to a certain friend, when she didn’t even remember my birthday.
Not that I really cared. I’d go day after day just surrounding myself with a group of people who made me happy. I’ve been through friendships that have fallen apart because people refuse to let go.
Why do people keep holding on? If a relationship ends, no matter what kind it is – a friendship, a romantic relationship – just let it go. Sometimes I wish I could have told my younger self to just let it go. Relationships have their own reason for ending and the point is, it’s ended. It’s ended for a reason, and though some relationships flame back, it’s still not going to be the same. Sometimes you think you know a person, but you have a fight and something blows up, the fire your relationship was has now burned out.
You can still rebuild a friendship after it has broken, but you’re using the same sticks and the only way to make it work is to build a new fire. Friendships can be mended when completely burned, but they will not be the same.
Now, before I consider a person a friend, sometimes I wonder if they really know me beneath the surface. There aren’t many people like that. At the same time, you can’t keep hiding things from people. In the end, no one will know you.
Some things are worth holding on to, but you have to make the right sacrifices. If you don’t let people know you, then you can’t always expect them to open up and do the same. Relationships are mutual. This is why a lot of friends have just dropped out from my past. One in particular, was greedy and manipulative. I didn’t want to give in. Relationships need balance on all sides of the spectrum, but they also need trust. They have to be nurtured, they have to be kept alive.
There’s a reason why you lose contact with people.
Ohhh, that sounds like a very interesting book. I must read it :P. Yay. But good questions, you can never really know whether you KNOW someone properly or not. And I think there’s always this part of you that you’re never going to reveal to ANYONE…idk, because you want to keep SOMETHING of yourself? *shrugs*.
Your blog reminded me of this conversation I had with one of my uni friends, right after law camp. Probably because we were supposed to be making friends AT law camp, and we met a LOT of people. But we were discussing how you’ve got your “close” friends, and then you have your acquaintances. Which I found pretty enlightening. It’s true. Sometimes you think you’re super close to someone and in the end, you turn out to just be acquaintances. Or the closeness you felt fades?
We DID have a large-ish group of friends, but I think we’ve all drifted to some extent now. I mean, it’s always fun to catch up, but I guess it’s got to the point where you realise that with half of them, you only get a good 20 minutes or so of conversation, before you lapse into an awkward silence D:.
And yeah, that person who forgot your birthday. God, I bet we’re going to go through a LOT of experiences like that. During semester, I think I’m close to all these people. Yet when semester ends, there’s like…NOTHING. And it gets me SO confused :(.
Haha, I think I’m one for holding on to something when it’s clear that I should let go. It’s a bad habit. I guess when something seems SO great, when it ends, people go into denial, but you’re totally correct. Sometimes it’s just BETTER and HEALTHIER to let go. Though letting go is easier said than done.
YES! RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE BALANCED. IF ONE PERSON IS TOTALLY SUFFOCATING THE OTHER PERSON, the relationship fails. So many relationships would work out BETTER if people could SEE that, instead of being selfish and all “This is what I want. Me, me, me”. IIII think we’d make a good couple. IIIII think that we go well together. There’s NO POINT if the other person doesn’t think so, so just GET OVER IT!!! RAWR!
It’s a good book! It’s actually one of the books in Oprah’s Book Club. :D
I think I’m a pretty open person, not much is hidden when it comes to my closest friends like you and James. But sometimes I guess there are things that are just a tad too private. But in the end they’re not really that important. I think. :P
That is quite true. We sometimes feel close to people but don’t really know them well. I mean… I’ve got a friend (you probably know who I’m talking about!) whom I talk to often but I realise I don’t know too much about their family. It’s not a big deal, I guess, but then it makes me wonder whether I really know the person as well as I initially thought. Sometimes I don’t, but sometimes I think about whether those things are really necessary to know.
I thought I got along with some people but because of the constant changing of classes in university… I don’t talk to the people I was close to back in 2009! :(
I hate people who are all “me, me, me”! You have to give as well as take. :|
I read the book a while ago and really didnt expect it to go the way it did. a briiliant book though :)
and yes, there’s definitely a reason some people arent in our lives anymore. as the saying goes If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was
It’s sad when a close friendship ends or when one finds that in fact, you’re really not friends. It can hurt, and it hurts even more when you realize you should just let it go even if don’t want to. But most of the time is for the best, to let go, and continue on with your life.
And who knows? Just because the fire died once it doesn’t mean a new one can’t be created, as you said. And just because it won’t ever be the same it doesn’t mean it can’t be better. ^_^
I may be wrong, but I think that’s something people forget, or simply don’t dare to hope so they don’t get hurt. I
I’ve pondered this before… It seems that most of the people I consider my closest friends really know nothing about me. But that’s mostly because I don’t like sharing a lot about myself with others, so I guess I can’t really blame them to some extent. But then I think, you know, maybe if they tried to get to know me better? But they don’t.
I also think that even if we were to know a lot about our “friends”, we still wouldn’t really know them. You can only see what people choose to show, and there’s always something else there than we believe.
I’m the kind of person who tries to hang on to dying friendships… which has turned out more bad than good, and I think it’s because I can’t stand the thought that someone who once considered themself your “best friend”, and someone who you once had so many great memories with, can just simply let go of all of that. But like you said, you can always rebuild friendships. It doesn’t always have to be the complete end.
I believe that people come in and out of our lives, just as we do the same to others, because that’s just how things go. You have a friend, they may be super great and wonderful, but then it comes time for them to change and grow so they leave.
I didn’t have much friends in the past. but now, I’ve two good friends, and others that I have befriended, but do not have a good relationship with.
I know I’m good at letting go people, but I can’t make good relationships with people. I have a probablam at feeling comfortable with people I just met. I’m a shy person, but it is not the perfect excuse.
That sounds like an interesting book. I might have to look into reading it :) This post is very true.. you never really know if you truly know someone. They could always be hiding a deep secret or something like that.
I have a group of friends. There’s about 8 or so of us, and we’ve hung out all throughout highschool. We’ve all kept in contact since going away and such after highschool ended, yet I’ve found that since then I’ve become closer to one in particular, who I wasn’t as close with before. She know basically knows more about me than my best friend does. When we’re all in a group, we talk about everything like we’re really close but not all of us in the group are SUPER close, but we all still love hanging out and what not.
I do tend to have a problem letting go of broken friendships, relationships, etc. (You could probably already tell that from my blog, haha) which is something that I’m trying to change in 2011, but I’m not sure how that’s going to go… I tend to just hope that since things were once so good then they can go back to being that way, but they usually don’t. Sometimes they have gone to being even better, but in the end they go back because like you said, they were built again with the same sticks.
There is a reason why people don’t keep in contact though, and I guess sometimes I just don’t like knowing that.. so I try to eliminate the reason, haha :P My friendship with Brandon is a good example of all of this though.. I thought we had a good friendship, and then he up & deleted me from facebook over something I didn’t do, because of quick judging. I guess he didn’t know me as well as I thought he did, or else he wouldn’t have thought that so quickly. And I guess to him, the friendship didn’t mean as much if he could just up and not have it anymore.
/faw That’s such a nice book! It sounds reeaaaaally good.
I don’t think there’s anyone that knows their friend, like, that much. /ho I bet that even though someone were best friends, that there would still be something that the other wouldn’t know. Unless they’re extremely close, like next-door-neighbor-known-since-diapers-spend-every-minute-together close. I used to have a big group of friends, too, when I was little, but no one knew anything about the rest of the kids there, not even birthdays, favourites, interests, and stuff like that. Not even the other person’s middle name. /eee I guess that’s why some people think that having a small and tight-knit group of people as your friends is better than having a bunch of people sitting next to each other at lunch and the playground with nothing to say to one another since no tried to get to know their “friends”. I agree.
I guess people don’t want to let a relationship go is because… um, they missed the feeling of being with that other person? However, I let go of friendships and relationships quite easily, because the ones I let go of weren’t really “crying hysterically” special to me, I guess you just eventually get over it and live.
/wah That part about friendships and fire were reeeaaally deep. It just made me go “.__. … OH MY! 👏” Nothing really feels the same after you have a fight with a friend. Something just clings onto you, I guess. You always have that sort of thing… insiiiiideeee of youuuuu. *wiggles arms in attempt of a children’s ghost story* xD
The people I think are friends are ones that know you better than the rest and when something bad happens, you always know you can tell them and they’ll help you through it.
One of my friends always tried to copy EVERYTHING I did and liked, and tried to be exactly like me. When I built up a new interest, she would always question me about it, ask what I did, what I was going to do, then the next day she’d do the same thing – she’d buy all the stuff I bought – claimed everything I said as hers, and even took my work from me at school and claimed it as hers. She was what I considered a bad friend, she would also tell everyone the secrets or personal things that I told her to keep to herself. ;) You’re definitely right, a relationship has to be balanced, or else it will end up bad and die. ♥
The longest I’ve known any of my friends is probably eight years. I think I know so much about them… but I guess here and there, there are tidbits that I don’t know. But that’s okay, because I feel like we are closer in other ways. And the bits I don’t know are probably not necessary to know – like minute details about their family or something like that. If I don’t know after eight years, then I’d like to think it wasn’t too important to know in the first place? XD
I think that all the relationships that failed for me were relationships that were doomed to die eventually. I did keep hanging on, to ex-boyfriends and things like that, but I soon came to realise that I was young, and the time would pass, and that things ended for a reason. :) It just takes time.
The last thing I’d want is for a friend to copy me. :| I know I like having common interests with friends, but when someone is sort of trying to hang on to you and trying so hard to keep you as a friend, you start to think things are weird. O_O
Sounds like a good book! :D
I had a million friends but then we all drifted too. I’m now left with about two friends. But it does get annoying when people can’t accpect the fact it’s over.
I totally agree with this blog! Especially when you said “but you’re using the same sticks and the only way to make it work is to build a new fire.” That was really beautiful!
The truth nobody is ever going to know you, not even yourself. Circumstances change all the time, and you never know how far you can adapt. Not every one knows or understands some of the things that run through your head. We’re all individual, and only some people can truly understand you, but they have to dig deep to get to that place… I’m kinda babbling but I’m pretty sure you understand.. haha
I suppose people assume that knowing the basic things like birthdays and personalities and likes and dislikes automatically means you know everything about them. They have no idea if your real, or fake and your whole life is just an act, they’ll never know… Hmm…
I find that what happened to you is the case for a lot of people during high school. Everyone has mostly grown up with everybody else and knows who everybody else is. There usually seems to be two circles, a large, general group of friends, and a few people within that group that are close to you. And everybody loses contact with everyone but the few people.
Some people hold on because they don’t know how to let go. Some of them had nothing else, and by holding on, they had something. But with experience people learn to let go. It takes time. One thing to keep in mind is that nobody is really “emotionally mature” until we’re nearly 30. That’s a long way away for you and me. So until then, we’ll keep on seeing drama that we don’t want to see.
But it’s great that you learned you lessons early. Keep going! *hugs*
I feel like I’m pretty much an open book. Probably even people who just read my status updates on facebook know me pretty well. There’s not much beneath the surface here. Or so I think. Sometimes I think my friends know me better than I know me.
I absolutely agree & know exactly what you’re talking about. But it is so much more difficult to let something go than to just to tell them to let it go. I think you & I both know that from experience in our past relationships. We could’ve gone back in time to tell ourselves, “just let him go….” & it’s not like we didn’t know that, we did, we just couldn’t because we wanted to fight for this person..probably because we were naive or thought that they would finally treat us the way we wanted to be treated. How wrong we were & how manipulated we were..& how hurt we got. Oh well though, right? Without all of the hurt & pain we suffered through, we wouldn’t be where we are today…& that’s happy with our significant other. :D
Friendships shouldn’t be that difficult to maintain in the first place if you’re truthful & honest..so when someone in the friendship isn’t, things begin to fall apart & then you fight & when you try to mend things…it works for a bit, but then it falls apart again. I know exactly what you’re talking about (& i’ve told you my story on this hahhaa) so I know how much..it just sucks to think you know someone so well or that you thought they knew you…but they didn’t at all..& that’s just crap. What kind of friendship was that, you know? Just because you hang out with someone often doesn’t make you their best friend especially since…they didn’t know you all that well. Sigh. Life..it brings us lemons & crappy people, but you learn to let go & move on. I definitely have & so have you. :)
& it’s a good thing you’ve never let the low friend count bother you, because I’d rather have 10 close friends than 500 acquaintances & no close friends. I have a lot of “friends” as in acquaintances & a lot of close friends as well..but sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes it will surprise you how much someone really knows who you are when you thought they didn’t have a clue. Life’s full of surprises, eh? :P But you’re right, we can’t really form a good relationship with anyone if we don’t let them know who we are.
I couldn’t imagine not seeing him weeks at a time; but that’s definitely true that the time you guys do spend together will be much more enjoyable & just seem so much better. I know I’m definitely excited to see him Saturday (: I hate plans being ruined last minute, my mom likes to do that too. Grounding me right before I go out for plans I’ve been so excited for is just a huge bummer. Being able to still use the computer is great because I’m not completely bored out of my mind.
Being in high school still, but I still don’t have a lot of “friends”. I have plenty of acquaintances; the same people I usually see at parties, people that tag along when we go to the movies or the mall & such, but friends that are true friends & that actually know me isn’t many. I probably have three true friends, including my boyfriend. I’ve always been open with people so if they wanted to know something I let in a little, by the end, those were the three who actually stuck around.
I know the feeling. During primary school I had many friends, all of which I could get on with and talk to. But, we never truly opened up to each other. When I started primary school, we drifted apart as we were separated into different classes. One friend of mine, shared the same class as me, but she grew popular, and less talkative towards me. I felt like a third wheel and decided to go my own way; meet new friends.
I’ve only really got a couple of best friends now, who’ve I’ve known for about 4 years. The thing is, we are our own little group. I can tell them anything, and not be worried about it getting out, unlike when I had many more friends in primary.
It’s fair enough for people to be popular, but what many of them don’t realise is that they actually don’t know each other. They bitch about one another and act all smiley when face to face. I remember hearing one girl talking about her so-called best friend: “I hate her, she gets on my nerves. I wish she would go away.” next minute, she’s hugging her and smiling so falsely that it makes me sick. -_-
I love my friends so much, and couldn’t care less about been the ‘unpopular quiet girl.’ After all, I’d rather have a small group of close friend than a huge group of fake ones.
*when I started secondary school. Ugh, I’m so sorry. *facepalm* >.<
Ohh very intresting post Georgina :) ! You are right, i have alot of friends, but i don’t think any of them really know me /huh . Come to think of it, i really don’t know them. I moved from my old elementry school and none of my friends then i have kept in contact with. I mean we didn’t have phones or facebooks so we really couldn’t talk, but i mean we wouldn’t go over to eachothers houses to have sleepovers, or go to birthday parties or anything. I bet if i moved today to a new school none of my friends now would keep in touch, not even the ones i spend the most time with D: .
I had a best friend, we would do everything together. But then, she moved to Tenesee, I haven’t texted or called her in 3 months. I think that the real reason we were friends, was not because we knew eachother, i mean heck she couldn’t even tell me who she was crushing on, but was because i had alot of fun with her. I don’t know though, friendship is complicated. /bounce
I have a few close friends. In high school I had so many friends but none of them knew me that well. I think that is why ultimately we didn’t keep in touch after high school ended. There wasn’t really anything worth hanging onto, because we didn’t know each other all that well. I still have my boyfriend and best friend from high school up until now – I don’t see that changing at all. I guess we find our closest friends in time, and not all your friends will be there for a long time.
I think that I am close to a few people even though I don’t know much about their families or their personal life, but we do get along very well. Friendships also take time to develop, I guess! :)
I completely agree and have gone through the same things with friends.
It’s always one second they’re there and the next… there isn’t anything left of the friendship anymore. It’s and interesting and natural phenomenon but it’s still a sad one that we have to lose the people we thought were our friends. If we would allow ourselves to get to know each other then maybe some friendships/relationships would never have to end. But I think it comes down to a lot of people can’t trust others after they’ve been burned once or twice before.
This question has a lot of ways that have yet to be explored. I like it.
I have to seriously check out that book. :D
This post reminded me a lot of 2010 memories of when I started a new school when we moved. I was a really quiet and a shy person for the first 2 terms so I pretty much became a bullied victim. Not physically bullied or anything, just emotionally bullied. But it still hurt all the way. My classmates didn’t know me at all, yet they always think they do. At school, I don’t curse or swear at all because I wanted to avoid being misjudged by the teachers too so yeah. But a lot of my classmates come up to me and say, “Have you ever swore in your life? Even once?” and I would say yes whilst looking confused. Then they would reply, “You’re kidding. I don’t believe you, you’re such a goody-goody”. Obviously, that really ticked me off because if they found my Twitter, they’d know that I swore a lot than they ever had.
It’s interesting how when you’ve met a person for like a day or something, you think you know them but obviously not.
My (offline) friends from 2010 are superficial. Very, very, very superficial. I remembered being close to this girl in my class in Term 3 when our seats were placed in a group together. She talked and got to know me a lot more. I’ve always wanted to become friends with her because she was the only person in the class who hasn’t got on my nerves nor said something upset yet (and to this day, she still hasn’t though). When we finally got really close and sort of in the “best friend” mode, she said to me, “You’re really fun and funny. I wonder why you were always so quiet before!”. What she said didn’t made me crossed but just made me thought of something.
All sorts of relationships come and go. I also remembered the last day of school last year when all the Year 8s and 7s cried their heart out because us, the Year 8s are leaving for high school and probably won’t ever get to see the Year 7s again (for some of them might attend a different high school). Sorry, that was kind of a long explanation. XD Everyone (regardless if they hardly even know the person) wrote I miss you and Don’t ever forget me on each other’s yearbook. But then, they tend to forget you eventually.
You forgot to mention your obsession with The Smashing Pumpkins. :P
I’m not really a group person who’s friends with a group of people. I think having 3 people as friend who know me well enough is enough for me.
Even though my “friends” offline kind of bailed me, I still have my online friends that I’ll always cherish and you’re definitely one of them. *Hugs* Besides, I have high school to look forward to as I’ll be meeting new people and alike. :)
Holy fudge. My comment is like a whole blog post. :O I apologise for that. 😳
I think that I’m really hard to make friends with at first because people don’t really know me. It’s hard to depict when I’m being serious or sarcastic, and sarcasm is something I use too much. Not that people necessarily like me when they find out who I am, but it’s definitely something one should know. I’ve had people I thought knew me, but they’ve made offensive statements that I didn’t quite like.
Relationships are so tricky. Some of the people I can really relate to are the people I don’t have fun around or the people I’m not really interested in. The reason I like profiles so much is because it gives one the opportunity to explain himself before diving into a relationship. You seem to have good friends though. That’s a lucky thing :).
In my later years, I just cried when I got bullied. It actually made the other kids feel bad, I think :P I don’t get why people can be so bias because of looks 😒 My mom taught me to “try and make friends.” My dad taught me to either run or fight.
G’Day lady. Tis I the lady Isi of coloursplash. How are this find evening/morning/afternoon? I hope you’re doing marvelous. /hehe Hahaha I couldn’t resist doing that lol. 👏
I think you know when you’re truly in love when you don’t sleep because all you do is think about that person and when you do go to sleep you have pleasant dreams about them. Also when you can say I love you without any hesitation to it.
I personally don’t think anyone knows anybody because a person can hold in secrets that no one can do about. Sure you might know their favorite things and little details about them but you don’t know every single thing there is to know about the person so therefore they don’t know the person. Does that make sense? /huh
I haven’t read that book, but the idea it raised was very interesting. I really don’t know at what point you can consider to “know” someone – I suppose, really, it differs from person to person. Some might be content for others just to know key details and have a general overview of their personality; others not so. Some of my closest online friends are people who I know very few factual details about – I couldn’t tell you where they were born, or how many siblings they have, or what they studied at uni – but we consider ourselves to be close because we’re aware of the more intimate details of our personalities. I guess sometimes it just boils down to what’s relevant for the type of relationship you’re aiming for.
(Apologies, I accidentally pressed submit too soon…oops.)
Anyway, I agree with what you said about letting go of friendships. I think sometimes people waste a lot of time pining over lost friendships (and lost romantic relationships too, for that matter) and it actually taints the memories in their mind to associate that sort of loss with it. That quote about not being sad because it ended up but happy because it happened seems so terrible clichéd, but I think sometimes it really is very true.
There’s a reason why the people in your past didn’t make it into your future. ♥ ♥ I’m the same, it’s not about the quantity of your friends, but the quality! /rose
I believe knowing someone changes by time, like for today, I know my bestfriend well. Everything she does, she hates and she likes. How she feels about things and her outlook. But in a few years, she might be a stranger to me like my past bestfriends.
“Friendships can be mended when completely burned, but they will not be the same.”
So true. I totally agree with this line.
The Pilot’s Wife sounds like something I might wanna read. :)
I’ve heard a lot of people say that.
That’s what I fear. I have a lot of friends in Elementary and now I’m afraid to start all over again in High School. Well, at least (if they pass) my best friends will be there. And my ♥ XD
For me, it’s awkward if my best friend doesn’t know what my favorite subject is! I mean, we were like best friends for five years and she still doesn’t know what my favorite subject is?!
Yeah. There’s always a reason. :)
You are totally right. I had so many bad experiences with friends that now, I don’t trust anybody. Nobody knows how I feel inside and I’m always the smiling girl, who laugh from everything, but it’s my way to keep things on a balance, to have strength to continue. But nobody can see how I feel, and the person who knows me is the one who can see when I am happy or sad or something bother me.
I have a lot of friends, but for me friends are people who chat with, go out sometimes, say jokes etc. I do have some close friends, like 3 girls (one of them is my cousin) and I let them know sometimes about what bother me, but they don’t know me either. I a strange person because I can laugh now and after 2 seconds I show a sad face.
I always wondered who would care if I die? I really wonder, but it won’t be possible. I love life too much! ♥
I hope things with your mom will get better. And maybe after you graduate you can move out. How many year you have left until graduation?
Ahh I will definitely keep everyone posted haha. This is big news. :)
I’d like to be surprised but Eric wants to know. I know I wont be able to deal with him knowing and not me, so now I have to find out. Preparation is good, though. XD
I always feel like nobody really knows me. Sometimes I feel like there are things even Eric doesn’t completely see. I also feel like some people just don’t care enough to find things out. It’s hard to deem someone a “friend” because people are so distant now. It kind of makes you rethink, though, who you know as an “acquaintance” and a “friend”. I had incredibly good friends in high school and now I don’t talk to any of them. So maybe we were never really good friends. Who knows. I know there are things I would never have told them about myself, and that’s not something that usually happens when you’re with a friend. I think I only had one truly good friend who actually knew me. She also happens to be the only one who makes an effort to contact me though she is living far away. Good point though, the losing contact with someone for a reason. It makes sense
And I’ve never read the book but it sounds interesting. I haven’t been able to read much lately but now that I’ve quit my job I can hopefully pick it back up. I have a few books lying around that I’ve been meaning to actually read but have been too busy for. I love actually having some time though. /ho Maybe I’ll pick up that book. I love reading books that I know other people have said good things about. That way you know they must be good to some extent and they weren’t a waste of time.
I am always looking for a good read, so maybe I’ll check the book out :)
I don’t think you can every truly know a person, but I think there are different levels or degrees to which you can know a person. It’s like you can know James really well, but I don’t think you would ever be able to know EVERYTHING about him, and that would be a high degree of knowledge. But probably someone you knew from high school you knew things about them, you knew who they were, but it was a much lower degree of knowledge. Does this make sense? It’s just my opinion anyways.
I don’t have many friends either. I would say I’m similar in the fact that I had a lot in high school but not so much when I went to college. Relationships are like that though, I think this happens often. When you think about those friendships you had, a lot of them could have been friendships by circumstance, like maybe you had a lot of classes in high school with someone so that’s what grew you to be friends, but after that, did you have anything else in common with them? I feel like that’s just a progression with life and the same thing will happen not just in school but probably in the workplace as well- where if you ever leave a job, you probably will fall out with half the friends you had there.
Sometimes we are lucky though and the people we meet and become friends with lasts longer and grows stronger.
I think I may have went on a tangent here, but pretty much I don’t think you could ever know everything about another person and that you can know them, but at different levels. Haha. I actually took a media studies college course that dealt with interpersonal relationships which relates to this subject, maybe I’ll blog about it sometime :)
That sounds like a good book. I will deffo have to read it. In all honesty, I think its true no one really knows you. My friends and I are very close but I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t know everything about them as they don’t know everything single thing about me. It’s more about trust, what I can tell them, their support and love. It is sad when friendships end and people drift off but it happens for a reason. I guess in the end its best to let go no matter how hard it is. I was upset when a friendship of mine ended but in the end I wasn’t prepared to be used. In the end I would prefer to have my close friends who I can share things with and know they won’t judge me than have groups of friends that I don’t really trust.
I’ve pretty much lost in contact with many of my high school friends. I hardly talk to them but we do occasionally arrange a reunion which is pretty much the only time I still talk to them.
I have a few close friends that really know me which I talk to regularly.
I have nothing against any of my other friends, we just don’t really keep in contact that much.
Some people just find things hard to let go. I find it hard to let go at first but after some time I just forget and I don’t dwell on it anymore. When old things pass, new things will come just like a romantic relationship. Until you truly let go of the previous relationship you won’t be able to accept a new one.
To he honest I may seem to have loads of friends but I know that I’m only really close to a few of them. You only need a few close friends that you get along well with, no point having a big group when no one really knows each other that well.
i relate to this article 100%, i had lots of friends in high school but i honestly didnt know any of them.. when we left high school i lost contact with all of them except one but recently lost contact with her cause i found out she was so self centered. in college this year ive found one friend that i know very well and so does she, for once got a real friend that knows me for me. I’ve also havent got many friends, i think honestly i can count my very good friends on one hand, ones that know me for me.
thanks :D I’m glad it got renewed, especially since I was starting to get used to having the domain and using it.
I know exactly what you mean, I don’t have many friends either these days, but it just goes to show they were never FRIENDS in the first place. Growing up I had a huge group of friends, but I knew it wasn’t for me because each week they would chose someone new to pick on and alienate and make them feel bad. Those are not friends. And to this day, a lot of them have no brains and just think that you have to look a certain way to be their friend. It’s sad really.
Because of them I’m now a very closed person and dont let many in. so I guess its my fault I don’t have many friends, but much like you, I’m ok with it. not every relationship works like you said, be that bf/gf or just plain friends. Your right about them never being the same, been there, done that. A lot of people hang on to things that have no hope, and everyone around can see it, except the one whos in it.
I think a lot of people don’t know me personally and I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends because I don’t get close to people easily. Some of my friends probably think we’re closer friends than we really are when that isn’t the case at all from my end. I can name five friends that I actually consider as people who know me and the others are kind of just there as fillers and that sounds horrible, but that’s the way it is.
Now, as for mending a broken relationship and it not being the same, I would say that’s a good thing. If it broke the first time you definitely never want it to be the same as it was before, but if you mean it will never be the same as in trust and what not; I don’t agree at all. That just depends on both people. If the person taking the said friend/romantic interest back will trust them again and not make things awkward then it can go back to the way it was before the bad stuff it’s all a matter of working together and making it work rather than holding on to why it didn’t work the first time. That’s where a lot of relationships fail because they hold on to things and won’t let them go rather than moving forward they hold the relationship back by not letting go of the negative energies.
So, I definitely think once you have a new relationship that went bad at one point you can totally fix it and things can be better than they were before as long as both parties work on it. I mean really all relationships are work rather it be a friendship or a romantic relationship; it’s work. There aren’t perfect relationships that never have bad things happen.
Okay, I don’t have much time to comment so I can’t reply to EVERYTHING you said. XD
I went back to school today and it wasn’t that bad! Yes, history I did get an NG but in maths I went from bottom of the class to the top! My teacher was really impressed and the other people who are usually top just got C’s. I was so happy. :-) I have more confidence now for the upcoming tests.
I got two books today but I’m still waiting on my other three books. And the two I got where in the middle of a series! I have to wait to get the one I need before I can continue. DX
Well, my friend actually brings her LAPTOP in with her but I guess phones are okay.
Ah, cool. I can’t get an iPad cos their too expensive even though the iPhone is the same price but my dad can get an upgrade cos he’s on billpay and if he does that the phone will only cost 100 euro compared to like 500-600. :) He doesn’t like technology so he’s giving it me. XD
Is there an app I need to download for it to read e-books?
Yeah, I know. I won’t tell anyone what my domain will be. xD
Oh, just a question, have you read the True Blood series? My cousin said their good but I dunno if I’ll like them cos I hate vampire-y crap~
I have one friend who I can honestly say knows me (and I like to think the same about her as far as I’m concerned). She is obviously my best friend, so in comparison everyone else is more like an acquaintance.
Incidentally, I so so so hate it when people just come up to me and say that phrase dismissingly “You don’t know me”. It always makes me feel as if they’re looking down on me for not having had their oh-so-toughening experiences. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but it’s really a pet-peeve of mine, and I often tempted to retort something like “I don’t care…”. Yeah… I’m not the most sociable person alive :P
I just finished a book with the same question, how well do you know some one? I believe you can never know someone inside and now, unless you ARE that person. I don’t have many friends but many acquaintances, they know sides of me but not me. (shit, did I just call myself 2 faced?! 😰 ) and the there are people who know me from blogging. I find it hard to let friendships go, but then again I find it hard to let anything go (hoarder here) I think true friendship is when the silences aren’t awkward.
Thanks for the lovely comment!
I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine, and I came to realize that I only know the obvious characteristics of her, and it’s the same in the opposite direction. Several people consider themselves to be my friends because they talk with me on a daily basis and know that I like weird things and that I’m obsessed with chickens. I know that it’s highly likely that we won’t stay in touch after graduation, so I just try to live my high school life as happily as I can. I’ll probably end up meeting amazing people in college that might become my closest friends, who knows?
I’ve gotten better at choosing my friends. I used to always awkwardly hang out with people who had nothing in common with me because I didn’t want to be left out. I’m glad that’s in the past. :) I only have a few friends who know me very well.
I don’t like it when people tell me that I don’t know them or what they’ve been through. I usually just leave right then and there, because statements like those make me mad. /angry
Letting go is hard.
You can still rebuild a friendship after it has broken, but you’re using the same sticks and the only way to make it work is to build a new fire. Friendships can be mended when completely burned, but they will not be the same. I like this. ♥
Thank you, and you are welcome. Yes, we are both strong. :P I was trying to think of a way to further explain the definition of strong, or strength; Tony called me weak.
I don’t really know what to do with 6birds, so I don’t really have anything to work on, I guess. Everything I do is usually spur the moment.
Yeah, he is very secretive about many things. It’s weird. And annoying. And furiating. To be honest, I don’t think he enjoys coming home. All he does is work and play on the computer; so why would he?
I’m sorry. :( Since I moved out when I was in high school, I think the spanking has stopped. Like, the other kids have not been spanked or beaten or anything like that. Either my mom has stepped in, or Tony only enjoyed spanking me? If so, then I never realized it until now. Because now that I think about it, the other kids were never spanked as much as I.
I don’t have any family members that have Twitter. And if I do, they haven’t found mine?
I almost e-mailed you over the weekend, but I was mobile, and I didn’t know how to put things into words. :( I’ve started writing on my story thing again. Maybe I’ll post a snippet of it sometime on 6birds. I’d love to see what a wider audience thinks of it. :P
You can write with both hands?? How did you manage that!? I’m only right handed. :( I can’t even properly hold a pen(cil) with/in my left hand.D:
This is very true and touching. =)
I completely agree with what James said. I don’t have many friends either, at least not ones who know me, like really know me. I’d limit that to about 4 people, and counting family members, 7 total. Everyone in high school knew me as the girl who loved Super Junior and Son Dambi, but even that they would be totally wrong now – I love DBSK and the TRAX, that was decided a few days ago. And I think when a friend doesn’t remember your birthday, that just completely kills the point of a friend. At least have the courtesy of remembering the one little date?
But yes, I have learned how to let go of relationships – as in friends. Boyfriend relationships I’ve learned to let go quite a long time ago. I have let go of several friend relationships, and they weren’t even hard. If those friends start to hate me, well as you said it should be mutual. Cept I don’t really hate, at least I try not to.
Hahaha I stuck that in as a joke … my cousin is 6 months younger than me and he always says he’s 19, when I say I’m 18. It gets confusing after a bit. I don’t like saying Asian ages because it makes no sense … sorry for the diss on Asian culture, OMG! But how are you 1 year old the day you are born? And why do you seem to add years on New Years rather than on the date you were born? My cousin and I argue over this a lot, bwahaha.
I have not thought about at what age I want to get married yet, but 25 is a reasonable age … you’ll be looking towards the gold when you’re 75 (never heard of silver actually). I just found out my maternal grandparents got married in 1961, so it’s the gold for them this year! Okay no idea why I just had to mention that, haha. And I think we were talking about this on MSN, I found out when my mom got married, she was 23 … O.O I can’t even imagine getting married in 4 years.
I don’t really see the big deal with 16. So you can drive … um no you can’t in New York state. I didn’t have a sweet sixteen or anything, it was pfft because my friends wanted me to have one. Oh well. I’d rather have a sweet eighteen, which I didn’t get either. Maybe a sweet twenty-one? :P Perhaps a beer or two. Just to try out. ^^
LOL REALLY?! That’s a true counterpart then! Lee Taemin, I only say he’s the Asian counterpart because Jason convinced me into it … he seems to really hate Bieber and Taemin, hahaha. And I seriously thought Taemin was cool before, he’s a really good dancer, but now all I can think about is Justin Bieber. Yeah thanks a lot Jason.
Okay I am skipping the freedom part, but I think I at least should’ve gotten a debit card! It’s so annoying to count my money every time I buy something. A card would just make life so much easier! I know people have those at 16 or something! If I had a card I’d be able to renew my own domain, use paypal, etc.
Hahahaa Livejournal makes me embarrassed too, almost as much as Blogger. Now that I’m blogging in the real world (lame joke) Blogger is just … what the hell was I thinking? Hah.
But at least you’re organized! I so am not! I was not able to complete my goals =( because I was out too much in the past few days, and the internet down-ness has not been helping. I think I need to get organized before school starts. I have um … about 7 months to learn. Tips? Advice? :P
LMAO I’d love to see/hear that! Should record it as revenge sometime. Just kidding! Maybe he’s good at imitating Engrish, I always love to hear fake Engrish. When it’s real Engrish like my mom’s, it’s just annoying. But she’s not as bad as the people from work, haha.
I am hearing about the snow coming tomorrow, nooo. Let’s do this every time. With every reply tell me the weather, lmaoo! Except I can’t really say much, it’s been cold and sunny for the past … since the last snow.
Aghh you’re much ahead of me! I can’t seem to understand Korean well at all! Because people speak too fast, I realized. I made my brother speak to me in Korean and he did it really slow, it was much better. I feel like the people at work who have the same problem with English, haha. I don’t have a parent who taught me or is able/willing to help me with it.
Hahaha! That reminds me of this girl, I thought she was really short because she looks young, but she’s actually 5’7! I don’t know if you know those measurements? She said she wanted to stop growing, lmao. But that is really slutty omg, especially for a 13 year old! No need to be jealous of that. She’ll probably get into trouble when she gets multi-gender social. Okay THAT was mean.
LOL snooping … I can’t seem to remember any other layouts. I think I only snooped like a bit before I applied for hosting. I saw your blog + content and really liked it, noticed you had hosting so applied. Bahahaha.
Ugh I hate getting pitied … dude this is my life don’t go awww you poor thing on me. -_-. I just almost typed the horrid sign that erased my entire comment a while ago … remember? I had to rewrite the whole thing.
Hmmm what’s the temperature over there on most days? Indoors at least. Because it was about 100F outside when our router got heated up. The a/c was acting up that day too, it kept killing the electricity. We really need upgraded electric systems.
Hahaha I like that though! I like uneven hair, though I was never allowed that. See this is another reason other than freedom that I don’t feel like an adult. My mom cares what hair I have! URGH! It took ages for me to convince her to let me dye it blonde. And it’s not blonde. :P
Oh wow, only $5! I think here it’s $12 for one way, I never looked at a round trip! Probably because I live fairly far from the city … exactly 1 hour by train without counting walking/waiting, etc. I don’t know how much I pay in a week for dorming but it’s over $3000, and there are 16 weeks of school. Can’t do the math haha.
HAHAHA. I realized that in your last comment, bwahahaha. ‘So did you watch the ball drop?’ ‘No, wtf you perv?’
Haha, work work work! I go back to work tomorrow! Crap it’s almost 1AM, I mean today! And I’m up at 7AM … just great.
I think you can truly know someone if you know what they will or won’t do or say.
I’m kind of glad that I don’t talk to 99% of the people that I went to school with. Most of them were complete assholes and I could go the reast of my life with out seeing or hearing from them or about them. The only true person that I would still love to see how things are going for is a girl that I went to middle school with. She was a great friend and we had a lot in common.
I only keep in touch with my two best friends from secondary school. And even if we go 5 months not texting each other, we’ll try our best to meet up. And when we do meet up, it’s like as it we weren’t distant at all. We will ALWAYS have something to talk about. That’s what I call true friends right there. And those other friends of mine, we kinda grew apart after secondary school and they didn’t try to contact me so I let them go. After all, we’ve gone in separate ways and we have different sets of friends now.
True friends are the ones that can be there for us when we’re down. They’re the ones where we share our laughters with. They’re the ones who will be there when we need a shoulder to cry on. I’d rather have a small group of friends who I can trust than having a large group of friends who does nothing but backstab each other.
I don’t think catching up in sleep works to be honest, I only make myself believe it works hehe! I am trying to get to sleep early but things always come up and I end up heading to bed late. I am definitely going to try and get to bed early, at least in bed by 11pm. I’m always super tired during the day then wide awake during the night and I don’t even nap :(
Sometimes if you loose contact with someone that’s generally the end of that friendship. It really depends on the reason though. I’m still good friends with my university friends even tho we’re all in different parts of the country now. It’s not like we don’t make the effort to see each other, it’s pretty difficult when we live hrs & hrs away. We try to meet once or twice a year and the friendship is still there. It’s not as strong as when we were at university because we saw each other each other but it isn’t lost. If the friend is close by and they don’t make the effort then that’s when you know they’re not worth it.
I use to hang out to crushes and exes too, but I eventually let go after some time. Either time just heals it or I find someone new and my attention isn’t on the previous person anymore. Letting go is never something easy.
That must be added to my list. :))
I loved reading your entry. It’s been a while since I last left a comment. I must say I totally agree with all the things you have said. Once a glass is shattered into pieces… it is really damn hard to have the very same glass again. same thing with any other kinds of relationships… whether friendship, love etc. Once that relationship went into something bad… no one must expect everything will be back to how it was before. :( no matter how much they try.