The Social Vacuum

Anthony Padilla of Smosh just made me realise that mouthing “I wanna vacuum” looks the same as when you mouth “I wanna fuck you”.

In primary school, other students in my class would mouth the word “colourful” and ask others, “What am I saying?”
Most children would have said, “I love you? What?”
“No, I’m saying ‘colourful’, you idiot!”

I watched a bunch of YouTube videos today (which is why I had to mention Anthony Padilla), though I didn’t watch everything in my subscriptions box. I wasn’t in the mood, and they didn’t look like interesting videos. I just left them for later. I’ve heard from friends who always try to steer clear of YouTube, especially when they have assignments. Reason being? They get sucked in. It’s a simple concept. You watch a video, thinking it’s only three minutes. The reality is that three minutes turns into thirty, and before you know it, a full hour raving around your subscription box until all those videos are gone.

Go on, tell me about it.

How many times have you vowed not to open Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or any other social networking website (or similar) to avoid being stuck on it, for hours on end? If I had a dollar for every time someone on Twitter alone said “okay I’m closing Twitter so I can do my homework”, I’d have enough money to renew all my domains.

It’s like a trap. Let’s face it. You avoid going on these websites (or even on the internet!) knowing full well that once you start (“oh, just one status update, please”, “oh please let me check how that cutie Bob is doing”), you’re not going to be able to stop. It’s like being sucked into a vacuum and being swirled around endlessly until the vacuum is turned off. And when is that?

  1. When Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/etc. goes down.
  2. When the internet goes down.
  3. When the power goes out.
  4. When Mister Obama flicks that one switch that turns off the internet.

I’m serious about number 4. (Go on, Google it; you don’t need me to tell you.)

I run with my friend Tiff. I hadn’t been on the forum in months before today. I was really busy, and I also had some problems at home, as well as busying myself with other things. I sometimes had a bit of time to spare, but that bit of time turned into no time for the forum because I knew I’d be sucked in and I would spend hours on there.

But I went on there, updated myself on a bunch of posts and that was it. I didn’t feel the need at all to update myself endlessly on every single bloody post. Yes, it would have been nice to get my post number up, since not having as many posts as some members and being a Super Administrator is bloody embarrassing.

The truth is, no one literally expects you to be on any social networking site at every waking hour. There is a reason why there are services like Direct Messages, Ask boxes, Messages… wait, hang on… there’s also Mentions, Reblogs, and Wall Posts.

Hello. The reason you have a Twitter profile in the first place, a Tumblr blog in the first place, a Facebook account in the first place – is because there are ways for people to contact you on it. It’s not instant messaging, for crying out loud. There is a reason you can leave people messages and mention them. They can bloody check it when they come back.

Come back from where? Sleeping. Eating. Showering. A trip overseas. Going to buy groceries. Going to the toilet.

Oh wait, people use the internet when they’re in the toilet these days.


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