This is gonna hurt

I hate university so much right now. Thrice today I got called “a little mad” or “crazy” or “insane” for working full-time and studying full-time, as if I was deliberately torturing myself by spending all of my weekdays at work and practically all of my nights in class. Oh, yes, it is indeed murderous, but I sigh – for I brought this upon myself.

A couple of weeks ago I brought up with my parents how I wasn’t too keen on completing a Master degree but instead just graduating with a Graduate Diploma. My mum wasn’t too pleased, to say the least. She got mad, at first. Later she told me that it was just extremely disappointing that I wanted to do this so much in the beginning, and now I was almost throwing it all away.

What will I do with a Master of Interactive Multimedia? I think far too much into this, and maybe the answer is that I won’t do anything with it, but I’ll have it, and that, for the most part, I can be proud of. I’ve learned quite a few things going through this course, and had time to brush up on skills that I had and left to rust. And maybe, just maybe, group work isn’t as bad as it was before. Maybe because people aren’t just out of high school and lazy, and this time, with postgraduate study, they’re more wary of how important it is to participate (or risk getting your ass kicked by other group members).

Earlier this week, I thought I had everything under control, and I’d get it all done, until a slagging stupid Pass grade – a pass, nothing more, nothing less, and with no further commendation, but something that constitutes a fail if you have Asian parents (oh dear) – that just made me storm out of the room in anger, press level 4 on the elevator buttons, and wait for the elevator to descend the full 23 levels. Because fuck that shit, I was going to go out, watch live music, and drink bloody vodka.

It seems like forever ago, but last time I saw Hey Geronimo performing, I remember having a conversation with Greg and Pete, and it was one of those conversations in which something came up which made me realise, “hey, so that’s how it is. I never saw it that way.” After having a minor whine about how I was distressed from work and class, Greg pointed out that going to gigs must certainly be my way of chillaxing. A light went off in my head and right then and there, I couldn’t think of many other things that put a smile on my face, made me happy (albeit tired) and that I overall enjoyed. I’m not a very social person, and going to gigs and chatting to my favourite band members (eeeeee!!! /eee) is as social as I get.

It’s a bit like the time I got grounded from seeing Jebediah. It was only then that I realised how much live music meant to me. Now I feel like I have more fun than having those emotional moments, possibly due to a slight shift in the kind of music I’ve been seeing live. Regardless, it’s amazing what kind of feelings music can conjure up.

Anyway, back to the vodka thing. I only started drinking alcohol this year, taking it easy, trying a few drinks. When I think about it, it’s just alcohol, and as long as I don’t get addicted it’s fine. Vodka doesn’t taste bad either. /bounce I notice that every time I drink alcohol I go to the toilet ten times as often. Maybe like after each drink, I need to go. Dylan pointed out yesterday that it’s probably the reason I never get drunk. Alcohol seems to go right through me. O_O

Today I woke up late, which was just stupid. I woke up at 6:00am, originally, then I thought I’d do something productive, and as soon as I opened my curtain and laid back to stretch, I fell asleep again. There’s something awful about knowing how early you woke up, and then waking up three hours later to realise you’re already going to be late for class. I was tired all day, but at least we got some group work out of the way. I ended up skipping breakfast, and I went to Mad Mex and ate tacos. Alone.

I remember telling James I didn’t like eating alone. :(

They were good tacos, but. /drool

I had a group meeting for another one of my subjects this evening, and it was so dull I thought I was going to fall asleep. We got a good lot of work done, but it’s not finished. Looks like my Sunday is going to be full of shit.

I used to be so pumped about uni stuff. Thinking I was on the ball. I’m falling down again. It sucks. I have a ton to do, and this time, I possibly don’t really care.

Done is better than perfect. Bring on summer and all that other shit that’s snowballing this way. Suckkkkkkkk.

Comments on this post

Oh dear Georgie, when is your mom gonna GET IT that you’re the only owner of your own life? :( It makes me mad. And I’d rather see my daughter get all Pass grades rather than seeing her destroyed by depression and nervous breakdowns. Asian or not, we only have human brains, that we need to recharge and relax to do better next time.

Oh my. /hmph

Falling back asleep is never good: you end up more tired than when you woke up. 😰 I’m trying not to do it anymore, even if I wake up at 5 because I have an urge to pee. LOL. I try to go to sleep one hour earlier then, or take the chance to watch a movie instead. :P

~ Luana S.

Can I say Sixx:A.M.? Please? ^/_^

Those three people (or one over-talkative pesron) is the insane one. I thought working full-time and studying full-time is normal. At least, it is here. It’s what I plan to do when I graduate, and I’m not worried because nothing can be worse than now. I don’t have time for a job or time to go anywhere with eight courses, and I’m still perfectly happy. Not that I had options for it because my school is brutal.

I think you really have to decide what you want to do soon and your mom shouldn’t be butting in. You’re not an undergrad anymore. If you really don’t want that Master’s degree it’s not too late to back out. But here, a Master’s degree helps with the job-finding just by existing.

I only started drinking alcohol this year too … in Canada. Still underage here. I only wish I could have some alcohol whenever I want; it seems it will make me feel there’s more to life than just university. You’re lucky you don’t get drunk – my mind drinks far more than my body can handle.

Alcohol makes you pee, which is why they tell you that you need to keep on drinking a lot of fluids (that isn’t alcohol) so you don’t get dehydrated. Because the alcohol stays in your body, but the water component doesn’t and gets flushed out, so the alcohol gets more and more condensed… Which is bad. So make sure you drink lots of other fluids if you’re going to the bathroom a lot!

And the schedule sounds pretty stressful. But I wouldn’t suggest you go all the way to get something you aren’t sure you even want or can use. You can always go back to school, but becoming burnt out about it won’t help at all.
It was very difficult for me to wrap my head around the concept that I need to drop classes and go to school for an extra year when I got sick, with that “Asian” thing, and how I’ve never really had to do something so drastic that sets me back (aside from dropping my Hearing and Speech Minor a few years ago, but it was a minor thing… no pun intended). But I came to accept it, and try not to get irked every time people tilt their heads and raise their eyebrows in a “????” when they ask me what year I am in, and I reply, “5th.”

Take it at your own pace. I don’t know how you’re doing graduate work and full time work at the same time, but take care of yourself! Your parents probably want the “best for you,” but they don’t actually have to go through the actual stress coming from the process of whatever end they want for you.

Having Asian parents myself whom are extremely strict – I can fully understand. If you’re studying a Masters course, that means you must have completed an undergraduate one, right? You might be burned out from all the studying/work that you’ve been doing :( I’m contemplating of returning to uni after I finish my course but the prospect of more studying sounds extremely daunting.

But if you already have a Bachelor’s degree, that’s something that you can fall back on :)

I’ve been checking out your site for a while, reading tutorials, and admiring your work, but this is the first time I’ve ever commented!!

I was a lot like you in college. I started out full throttle to begin with and was so excited about learning it all and getting the top degree possible. But, after spending four years studying and working, I guess I got a little burned out.

I had a few more classes left to take and went to talk to one of the course counselors about which would be best to take and she informed me that I had actually completed not only a Graphic Design and Advertising Bachelor’s (lacking one class), but also was lacking only one class in completing a Masters in English Lit. D:

I wasn’t quite sure what to think, but with all I learned now, I’m glad I have those two things to fall back on when I need something to carry over from my free lance design and photography.

I can honestly say that you may just surprise yourself in the end. I thought I’d really dropped the ball my last semester but turns out I’d actually made the highest grade in one of my classes out of all the students.

I honestly wish I could go back and study more stuff. Now that I’m actually FINISHED with it, I realize how lucky I was to have it then, and I miss it.
Anyway….good luck with everything! /wave

I am not enjoying graduate school much, either >:( I can’t wait until all of this end! Undergrad was so much simpler and easier than grad school.

And vodka is not my favourite, though I will drink it. I prefer gin or rum — coconut rum is a big NOM. :D But yes, drinking in moderation is not a bad thing at all, I drink once a week, and I do watch what I drink.

Oh, and congrats on getting the highest grade! You deserve it :D I know you work hard on stuff!

:love: hun. I wish your Mum would just let you breathe. I mean, this is YOUR life and YOUR choices you make.
She makes me so angry.
I have that degree you are doing. And honestly I have done nothing with it I can be proud of just yet only getting my own business name. I don’t even know if I want to persue it anymore.

I HATED group things and still do. I rather do it myself because I know it is done well and done how I like it …

sidenote: i changed blog platforms so I pasted it in the URL section :-) I am going to blog again if it kills me because I know I need it. I am just really perplexed with life at the moment :(

Your mum sounds like she’s taking the whole thing the wrong way, if I had a daughter which had completed a grad diploma nevermind a masters I would be extremely proud! I hope everything sorts out for you, I’m reapplying to uni this year and I’m going to make sure I’m going into the right degree to do something I both love and can do something with it as well. *hugs* ♥ /eee

I hate university too… in the end it’s your choice if you want to do your Masters or not. Decisions change over time, even if you wanted to do it in the beginning. I was super keen in high school but entering university, ALL I ever want is a passing grade! I think my family understand the craziness of university and rather me just pass than work myself so hard and dive into depression. It’s hard but I never discuss my marks to my family anymore. Vodka is a dangerous thing when you’re under so much stress and pressure, please be careful and not use vodka to self destruct when you feel down :)

I am not sure how things in Australia, but I do know that in the US, having a Master’s degree helps a ton when finding a job in the future, even if you got your degree years ago. Silly, I know, but there’s not much that we can do about it. I also know that good grades usually only help you find your first job – after that your grades are irrelevant and people are only interested in your work record. So since you’re already have a job, you don’t need to worry so much about grades! What’s important is that you just pass, especially in the classes that aren’t relevant to web design, which is your field of work, and in which you seem to be doing very well right now.

I do not know when you will be able to just do what you want and not have to please your parents the whole time. For us Americans, that time comes when we finish undergrad and are no longer financially tied down to our parents. In Asia, it looks like you have no authority until your parents die, which is terrible from an American standpoint. But given the few data points that I have, you’ll have to move out someday, and that’s when parents supposedly start becoming magically more understanding. It sounds silly, and I have no idea why it happens, but it’s just that way.

I can’t really judge your mom. I know she wants what is best for her daughter (YOU), and though I know you’re an adult, I’m thinking she still seeing you as her little girl. I’m not saying what your mom did was right. It is your life, but you are also living in her house so her rules right? I’m not ciding with anyone. But I’m just saying, that was how it was with me and my dad.

Don’t be discouraged of this. It could be a phase, and that you’re just getting overwhelmed, and things are crashing down at you all at once. Take a breather, or two, and meditate :) . Things will calm down. But again, this is your choice, if you want to quit and go for the graduate diploma, than you should do what makes you happy. :) . Don’t let anyone tell you something different. If you feel its right to do this, please take it a day at a time. :). Just relax :).

You’re lucky the alcohol goes right through you. I think it does me too. Only because I’m diabetic though. It’s the same with Diet Coke, it goes right through me, and I’m constantly going to the pot. I got an infection once from drinking that, and eating greasy pizza :/ . Yikes! Good luck on the choices you’re making though. I’m not holding anything against you or your mom.

Gosh, I can’t believe people called you those names/words just because you have a busy life and schedule. You gotta do what you gotta do!

I can see where you mom is coming from. It seems she has a lot of pride, but in the end, only your feelings and choice matters.

Personally, my parents don’t care what my siblings and I do, as long as we get a job with good pay and don’t do anything that risks us going to jail or something. :P My parents aren’t very strict like other parents when it comes to education. Sure, they cared for our grades, but they were still happy if we got a C in a class, for example.

That is how I am feeling a bit, not with graduate school/Masters but with undergraduate. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I always thought I wanted to do art and I feel like people push me into that direction but I do not know if I want to do that. I am just very confused.

It’s been stressing me out lately and hasn’t been making me do work any easier =/ I hope you figure out what you are going to do soon, uncertainity in these things really are not fun.

I love to wake up early, but rarely that has been happening haha, I always fall back asleep.