The Way of Shadows

This is my first blog post in four days.

I didn’t go on the internet for more than 24 hours. I didn’t answer my phone for more than 24 hours.

It was interesting to return and see who cared about me. Who really wondered what was wrong. The reasoning goes deep. Deeper than I care to say…

My phone had several text messages and missed calls.

James, Sebby…

The same people who left those messages and whose calls were missed – had left me messages on MSN Messenger as well.

Sebby, Lilian…

One tweet mentioned me with concern.


I’m not blaming anyone. I’m not looking for attention. I’m not saying that people don’t care. I’m not asking people to care about me. We’ve got our own lives to follow. But after those 24 hours without my phone and without the internet, I wonder what would happen if I chose to leave the internet for good. And what if I told nobody? Would people notice?

I’ve seen people worry about other people online when they disappear for a long period of time. But how long is it before we notice that people have disappeared?

People I know have had such a big impact on my life. People like my really close friends. And I believe I’ve had some impact on theirs. Sometimes we talk daily. I’m online daily – pretty much.

When I’m gone for 24 hours, it’s they who suffer. It’s they who realize I’m gone. And it’s the same – vice versa. When my friends don’t come online like I expect them to, I worry. And I notice.

When something is wrong, do you notice straight away?

I’m a selfish person. I’ll admit that sometimes I’m ignorant to what is around me. Humans are selfish people. Sometimes we don’t notice other people – we acknowledge ourselves. First.

I thought I had it bad, being physically abused at home. (May that be the reasoning for my disappearance from the “online world” – for more than 24 hours.)

That was before I found out about my friend who was hospitalised several times from such brutal beatings by his father. I try to look on the bright side. People are worse off than me. Hospitalised. I got head beatings alright. But… hospitalised.

Yeah, I thought I had it bad. Before I looked around me. There are people other than myself. There are people who have it worse.

I don’t think I can afford to be selfish anymore. It’s the reason why I get beaten up.

There might be tears in my eyes, but I need to find a way to smile.

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