1 thing men do that I dislike
In what universe would you comfortably date a stranger?
The correct answer is: no universe. In no universe would anyone feel completely comfortable dating a stranger. Even stupid reality television shows like The Bachelor rely on the contestants getting to know the bachelor before going on any official – well – ‘date’.
I was walking down the street today to catch a bus with Nick. We usually meet at the bus stop. As I walked past a coffee shop minding my own business, a young man approached me and said hello. By the way he was standing in the middle of the path and cutting sideways to intercept my walking, and from his body language, I inferred that he was a charity spokesperson trying to get me to donate money or sign up to sponsor a child.
Instead he asked, “Can I walk and talk with you?”
I quickly assumed he was lost, and responded with, “Are you alright? Can I help you?” However, I continued walking at the same moderately fast pace.
He asked why I was in a rush and where I was going.
“I’m going to meet my boyfriend,” I responded quickly, again, walking speedily and hoping to get this guy off my back.
“Oh you have a boyfriend? I wanted to be your boyfriend!”
… OK. Stop right there.
I’m not going to say I am used to be being hit on or flirted with, but this is not the first time someone has approached me in this way. Attempting to win my heart, get a date with me, ask me out, get my number, tell me I’m pretty but really weaving their way into a conversation to ask me out for coffee… anything along those lines.
As my younger yet wise brother Brandon suggested, he sincerely did not want me to be one of those women who ‘have a predisposition that every guy who approaches you wants to date you’. With that aside, no, I have never assumed that every guy who talks to me wants to go out with me. I can tell you many embarrassing stories where I have been completely oblivious to someone flirting with me, completely shocked that someone has confessed their feelings for me, or just plain blind to someone’s moves (I suppose Nick can tell you a couple of those).
If you approach a woman and tell her straight up that you want to date her or be her boyfriend, then there is going to be very little going through her mind except, “Ew, no, I don’t want you to be my boyfriend, I don’t even know you.”
Because I’m nice, I continued to talk to this guy, but he kept dropping hints and asking how he could contact me.
I have zero problems with behaviour (from men) such as:
- A simple compliment where you are happy with a ‘thank you’ in response.
- Kindly holding open a door from me out of politeness.
- Friendly small talk.
However, the moment you leave a bad first impression is the moment you are unappealing, not interesting, or even a complete turn-off.
Unfortunately, a lot of men make this mistake by coming right out and telling a woman (whom they don’t even know) that they want to date them.
People (not just women) are emotional human beings and most people only want to start a serious relationship with someone they can share an emotional connection with. You don’t get that emotional connection with someone you bump into in the street. I’m not saying you can’t get to know someone that way. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t approach that girl at the cafe and ask about the little cactus keyring on her bag because you like cacti too and you could possibly hit it off and are destined to be cute and grow cacti in your own little home garden (aww, that’s cute) – at least you have something you want to talk about with her. I’m not saying it’s wrong to have a friendly chat with someone because you find them interesting. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be nice and compliment someone. I’m definitely not saying that women assume men are jerks.
As I mentioned, I continued to talk to this guy because I’m nice. But I knew full well that he was possibly just asking these questions to maintain conversation and not seem upset that I am already in a relationship. I did not shake the fact that his initial, clear intention was that he was interested in having a relationship with me.
What I am saying is that, as a woman, having a man – who is a stranger – tell me that he just ‘wants to be my boyfriend’ makes me feel uncomfortable, and is probably not the best way to start a conversation with someone you don’t even know.