Notes to My Sixteen-Year-Old Self
I know some people who have written letters for themselves to open at a later date – such as a letter to open when they turn 18, or 25, or even 60. (Maybe.) I’ve never written a letter for myself to open in future. It never crossed my mind.
What I do remember is a time when I was eleven years old (in 2001), and as a class assignment, we had to write a personal diary entry from the year 2015, and include what life would be like and where we would be. I don’t have the diary entry anymore, but my memory serves me well, and I remember writing that I was engaged to be married. I also wrote that I was studying – what I was studying, I don’t recall, but something tells me that at that point in time I wanted to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist.
Times have changed of course, and I’m far from there. Back then, I wasn’t so “into” websites, but hey, little did I know it would become a big hobby of mine.
I like thinking about the future, but I don’t really want to write a letter for the future. I wish I could tell my younger self the littlest of things. This post was inspired by a trending topic on Twitter; #tweetyour16yearoldself. I don’t regret many things from my past. I did have a dark past, but I would not want to change things drastically.
I would have told myself to get over my ex-boyfriend. It took me over a year to get over him. I don’t know why I clung to him when he embarrassed and hurt me. I shouldn’t have kept hanging on. It was the first time I’d been dumped. I don’t think many people like remembering the first time they were dumped. Obviously, it hurt, and I was so delusional that I thought I could get him back. I wish I could have told myself to be as strong as I am now and just let freaking go. It was like pulling an endless rope, the rope forming a large pile at my feet the more I pulled.
I would have told myself, “Keep dancing”. I shouldn’t have quit. I should have kept going. I should have lived my passion for dance then, as much as I do now. I shouldn’t have given ballet a break at all. I know I’ve come far now but I feel like I would have had a little more passion.
I wish I’d been more keen with music. Instead of playing the piano – I should have picked up the saxophone when my teacher suggested it. I wish I could have told myself to get my drumsticks and use them, because now I can’t really play drums as well as I could have if I’d been more adventurous at school. I should have looked at my dad’s records earlier, and stopped judging metal music before I even listened to it. (Yes, I did it… and I fucking love metal music now.)
I’m really glad where I am in university. I know that maybe I should have put a little more effort into my schoolwork – maybe I’d be studying fashion design instead? Maybe I would have done so much better and my parents would be even prouder of me.
I should definitely have been nicer to my parents. I don’t show them that I love them. I am so close to them, and I know them so well, but I wish I could have prevented the family drama. If I had tried, I wouldn’t have bothered my parents so much. I should have been more helpful, more grateful, more thankful.
But every time I think about what I could tell myself and even the little things I could change, I remember that I’m happy with how life is now. Despite the stress, the problems I’ve gone through and the problems I am encountering now, I love where I am… and I can smile about it. In all honesty, I don’t want to change a thing.