How long can I count to a thousand?

We all have different ways of dealing with stress. Before I discovered my love of stress balls (which I often ironically forget about), I’d hit things and throw pillows. Someone told me that doing that would make me a violent person. Yet I’m releasing the anger. I don’t see how that makes me all the more violent if that is my way of dealing with stress.

Some people count. I don’t know how that works. I know some people count to five, and everything is okay in their little world. For me it takes a lot. Sometimes I have to scream and shout and snap. In high school, I punched a wall and started screaming because it was just too much. Some teachers came out and stopped me. As far as I remember, anyway.

Regardless of what trouble my anger and stress has gotten into, I try to deal with instead. Just fight it. Fight the stress. Sometimes it’s hard, like now. I was scared of going back to university, and two days later I’m ready to explode. I’m exhausted. I’m glad I chose one less class this semester, because I would have just buckled and collapsed from all the stress. It’s already a hard time going to sleep early and waking up at 6:00am again.

Classes and commuting took up much of my time, and I don’t think I’ve gotten around to returning a single comment. I do want to get back to you all, and it’s not that it requires too much effort, it’s just that I’m not in the state of mind to do it. I want to sit down, write part of my novel and poems and things. That is what I feel like doing when I get home after a big day and feel like relaxing.

I realise that there are readings I have to do, or classes to prepare for, then I have to stop. I suppose it’s just like a jolt in the routine of having a break or being on holiday – going back to university and work and having it disrupt life like a crack in a wall (Doctor Who reference much?).

I’ve written my March goals out; there is much less online related stuff. I doubt I’ll be getting to much of it except for keeping off junk food and doing some exercise.

The littlest things are stressing me out; they really are. I can’t believe that after just two days I am stressing about insignificant things, and it’s not that time of the month, I swear. I know I’m known to be moody but I feel like this is huge. I’m waiting for a reply about a new job. I could work from home with that, but I’m not even sure I will get the damn job. I’m worried about money and am trying so hard not to waste it on unnecessary things. I’m angry about my lost iPhone (still). I’m frustrated that I can’t think of what new phone to get.

What little things do people worry about these days? Do people worry about the same things that I worry about? Do people stress about the same things I stress about? Sometimes I step away and look at where I’m standing, wonder if anyone else feels the same in any way. 😚

I can feel my eyes shutting on their own again. It’s so hard to adjust to this weirdness…

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