Giving tradition a kick up the backside

Earlier I was reading Cat’s recent blog post about her wedding plans, and I watched the beautiful video that her wedding photographer had created for her. Of course, I’m one of those girls who has always dreamed of being swept off her feet by Monsieur Awesome, Prince Charming, or The Doctor – and this got me thinking about when I would get married and/or have a wedding.

I used to be really excited about it, I’ll be honest, but as time goes by, I don’t think that it’ll be as princessy and amazing as I imagine it will be. I do want to get married and celebrate with a wedding, but over the past few months I’ve thought about what a ridiculous idea that is. I see quite a few couples who are happy not being married, or happy being engaged for years, or just have some other kind of commitment to each other that isn’t exactly legal marriage. Many people say marriage is overrated, and I suppose it is, in a way, but I can’t help but think that this lovely dream of getting married is a dream that should come true.

With a few exceptions.

I’m a girl, and by tradition, I should have a bunch of girls with whom I should have a wonderful hen night with, on the night before my wedding. Well, newsflash honey – I have one real, true girlfriend, Lilian, and she means the world to me – and the way I see it, she’ll be my maid of honour. Which leaves me with no bridesmaids. Already this imagined wedding taking place in my head is not going to turn out right.

I do have friends, but the rest of them are guys. I’ve brought it up before, and I wouldn’t be totally against the idea of having male bridesmaids. :P So I’ll really be the centre of attention. I am often used to being the only girl in a group. Not surprising. On that note, I start thinking about the reception and the speeches my friends will make about me. I don’t think many of them will want to speak. I went to my cousin’s wedding last year, and all her girlfriends gave a speech. Well, Lilian’s definitely giving a speech, but there isn’t anyone else. James and I also have a lot of mutual friends. They’d probably end up speaking for both of us.

Oh, I jumped a bit ahead there didn’t I? I was imagining of course my future husband, who is none other than James. Sorry, forgot to mention that.

You may now kiss the bride!

Oh no, wait. Pause. Rewind. Play.

I don’t want a diamond wedding ring or a silver band. I want an onyx ring for my wedding ring. No, I’m not having a red dress, even if red is my favourite colour. I think I’ll stick with the white.

At the reception, I’m just going to be a bitch and make everything Japanese, and not care if people like sushi or not. Wait – no… James is a terrific cook; how about we just cook our own food for the wedding instead of doing some catering whizzwooz? Maybe because it’d eat up a lot of our time, I guess. At this rate, my mum might invite soooo many people to the wedding, also keeping in mind how big our family is.

So when I throw the bouquet, who’s going to be there? I’m thinking of all my relatives right now (even the distant ones), and I can’t think of many female cousins who aren’t already married. I have a lot of young female relatives who are about… ten years old? Hmm, maybe I’m thinking too far into this. When I’m older they’ll be in their twenties or so. I guess it won’t be so bad then.

Alright, forgive me if I sound a fool, but I never really favoured the idea of the bride’s garter being thrown towards the bachelors. It seems strange and a little disturbing.

Another problem; I’m Catholic, really, but there’s no way I want to get married in a church. For me it’s too… too traditional? I feel like it doesn’t suit me, getting married in a church. I’d rather a garden wedding, or one in a large hall. I don’t mind the setting of a church, but I don’t really want my wedding to have any religious aspect. Anyone can disagree with me. But there’s a chance that not all guests will be too keen on praying…

Now I begin to think that tradition is ridiculous. Years ago, Lilian told me that she was going to get married in ripped jeans. I used to think that was a silly idea. Now I don’t so much anymore. @_@ Well, I’m nowhere near getting married, so I think I should just let my mind wander however it wants for now.

Comments on this post

Oh man, your wedding is going to be awesome. :3

I don’t think I would want to get married at a church either – I’m a Catholic, but mostly in name only. I don’t know about my future wife, Just like you, I wouldn’t want my wedding to have any religious aspects to it, and as you said, not everyone would be keen to praying – and some of my friends are atheist so, no church please.

Cooking the food yourself, now that’s something unique – at least I never heard of a wedding where the groom and bride cooked the books. It would be really hard if there are a lot of guests, but if it is a small wedding, it might work. :)

I guess I don’t mind too much how exactly my wedding goes – I haven’t really thought about the wedding itself, to be honest . I’ll be happy no matter what as long as my wife enjoys it – I guess most guys are like that. ^^;

I think your idea of a wedding is pretty similar to mine :D

I’m actually planning on getting married sometime after I graduate this year :D

I’m with you on the whole religious aspect. I dont want my wedding in a church either. Just a simple wedding in a hall or something like that is enough for me :D If I did the whole religious thing, It would clash with my dad’s side of the family since half of them are Christian XD;

I’ve had a few relatives that didnt even have a whole wedding reception. All they did was sign a piece of paper in some office, exchange rings, then walk out XD

Of course, as girls we all have our dream wedding, but when the time comes, the whole aspect of money, time and family comes into the picture and can change the image in your mind dramatically XD;

Oh my gosh girl! I want to get married at 25, but I thought that was just a little too young. I don’t think I’m ready so soon, even though I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years.

My family is all Catholic but I guess since I don’t feel religious myself, I don’t want to have my wedding centred around that. It would be nice just to get married and not have an actual ceremony… just keep it quiet. Hahahha.

awww! sucha cute, adorable blog!

At least you are a Catholic….your weddings though traditional is much much faster than an indian Hindu wedding. I’m a marathi and in Indians the regional weddings are of different times (you can find pictures of a marathi wedding on Google) and it’s damn long…. starts with an engagement ceremony (called Sakharpuda in marathi), which is like the ring exchanging ceremony which u guys have for wedding… the actual wedding we have many many small ceremongs which ends with the bridegroom wearing an necklace called the mangalsutra in the bride’s neck….though the process’s huge…it’s really cute!!!! My Cousin’s getting married soon…eagerly waitin for it!!!!

My dad says that weddings are completely blown out of proportion these days, with celebrities spending millions on them sometimes. Given that a typical wedding costs $10,000 around here, and that the media makes it seem that lots of girls make a huge deal out of a wedding, I’ll have to agree with him.

Your wedding sounds sweet – simple ceremony and not too much of anything else. Also, if you have little nieces (if your cousins have little daughters, since I don’t think that you have any older siblings), they could make a cute bunch of bridesmaids following Lilian around.

Just thought I should say I love this new theme. It’s minimal and gets its point across. Your last theme was minimalistic too but I feel this one is a lot more personal. ^/_^

My parents just got invited to a wedding recently and I’m a little disappointed I can’t go because I’d love to be the photographer. I don’t think anyone in particular goes for the overrated pricy traditional wedding – people always put in their own elements. Though seriously there are people out there like me who can’t stand sushi but hey a wedding should be about the couple not the guests … no matter how selfish that sounds.

I don’t believe in marriage but if I ever do get married eloping is the way to go.

I like your idea for a wedding. Sometime quiet and simple that isn’t over done, with the focus on the love of the couple and not on how huge the wedding is.

As I was scrolling down I noticed someone saying that weddings these days are blown way out of proportion or something like that, and I agree. Too much emphasis is put on what this looks like or which color was chosen for that. Weddings were never intended to be a flashy show, they were intended to celebrate love.

I think your wedding should be how you want it to be and no one else should have a say in it :D Sounds perfect, Y/Y?

OBVIOUSLY you are getting married to James (er unless you break up in the future in which case awkward) but you guys seem sort of like. Those two people who everyone wants to be together and be a couple together and end up getting married and having wonderful babies. And like if you were to ever break up, the whole world would throw up picket signs and say, “NO WE DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS.” Uh. Not to be creepy again or anything. (This is a compliment, seriously. I feel like I’m digging a hole for myself XD)

Also, I see that icon of engagement/wedding rings over there 8D Hehe, cute~

I’ve thought so much about weddings. My friend and I frequently talk about them. She wants a beach wedding, and she doesn’t want to wear shoes as she goes down the aisle to her beau. (There are also some jokes about tacky decorations.)
I want a fall wedding, outside, amongst deciduous trees. I don’t know what kind of dress. Ideally, I’d want a simple white-gold or silver wedding band matching my husband’s… And I’d keep it on a chain around my neck, next to my heart. ♥ Oh, the cheesiness.
Most of my family is Latter Day Saint (or, rather, Mormon), so they’d want me to be married in that church. The thing is, it’s been a long time since anyone in my family had a wedding, or even a serious partner. My sister is going on 27 and hasn’t even thought about marriage to a boy. She’s the oldest out of all of the family yet to be married, too.
I used to fantasise about weddings and marriage and how it’d go, and the guy I’d be marrying, and just on and on and on about my future. I don’t do that anymore because I found it made me really close-minded and almost snobbish or picky.
I dunno.

One fun fact is that I have a friend who wants to marry me. We don’t even feel anything for each other, but he wants to get married to me. It’s kind of awkward, actually, but I can’t take him seriously. XD
But, hey, maybe I’ll do one of those anti-tradition things and get married to a guy not for love, or money, or as an arranged marriage, but just for the hell of it.

I used to think marriage was overrated, but I think there are benefits to it. Plus, a wedding is like a once in a lifetime thing, so might as well make a big deal out of it :) We didn’t want a religious wedding either, so we chose a venue on the lake. I thought of having male bridesmaids actually! If we had more than 3, I would have had to start choosing guy friends. My 3rd bridesmaid was actually one of my cousins.

On the day of our wedding, I felt busy the entire day. There was much more to do than I thought! Cooking for your own wedding sounds like a fun idea, but I think it’d be really hard to do :)

By the way, this new layout looks great! I really like the soft colors, and I think it’s cute how your site title is written out :D

Well, our wedding’s gonna be pretty crazy /frog
whatever we spin it out to be :) hhaha. /love
even if we don’t get married. And have a quiet night in, tahuuuu


I have the exact same opinion about getting married. Why does it matter where it happens — when it’s who you’re getting married to and what sort of future lies ahead of you both that truly counts? Now I’m not anywhere close to getting married either, so much to being nearly eighteen and still SINGLE (yet loving it to bits), but there is NO WAY my wedding will take place in a traditional setting should I happen to get hitched in the future, which is quite unlikely anyway considering how independent I am at this point; I doubt anybody would be able to stand my feistiness as it is.

I can picture you and James having a garden wedding. It suits you both well. :) Not to mention cooking your own food for the reception is a terrific idea! I’ll certainly include that among my own plans (don’t get me wrong, I MAY get married sometime, I do want a daughter after all),

By the way, interesting that you should contemplate your future wedding just a few days after Valentine’s, with that February spirit still present in the atmosphere. :)

(It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I no longer get to comment quite as often, but I still take the time to drop by your blog every now and then because I find your posts inspiring.)

Eeeek! Even the thought of getting married scares me so I’ll go off-topic (as I got to the party late) and say that I LOVE this theme, especially the fonts. Nice job ♥

I love weddings! I have actually never attended one to be honest, but I do watch all those shows about weddings like: “Say yes to the dress” or “Four Weddings”, I don’t know if you’re familiar with these shows but it makes me imagine how my wedding will be too! I am defiantly going to stick to the white dress. I also won’t get married in a church neither. I feel like they are so…boring. I probably sound childish saying that but they do, I think a garden would be beautiful! I would like maybe outside near a lake, or a beach wedding. Nothing in a church though. I do think weddings could be overrated. I mean my uncle and aunt aren’t married and they have two children and are happy enough. I mean I guess when it’s your soul mate; it doesn’t really matter does it?
I don’t know really, I am too young to even think of weddings. I still have many years ahead of me before I even consider wedding plans. But I already am excited, every girls dream I guess. I also LOVE your layout. It is so cute, I love the colors, it reminds me of…lemonade XD

Response to your questions on my c-box:
Yes I meant the Zeffirelli version! It defiantly is the best version of Romeo and Juliet. The modern one isn’t so good i do agree, it is just weird and such, I don’t really like it. I haven’t seen any other movies that he has worked on, but I defiantly love his Romeo and Juliet. A lot of the kids in my class hated it because apparently it was too “old”, but I found it beautiful!

Oh my gosh, you and I are so much alike, it’s almost creepy ;p I feel the exact same when it comes to marriage. I wouldn’t have any bridesmaids, or many close females. I don’t want to get married in a church. And I don’t want to do things traditionally.

I haven’t thought a whole lot about it though. Just the things where it doesn’t matter WHO I marry. Like the fact that my mom will be the one walking me down the isle and giving me away. Things like that.

I’m actually excited about marriage, but I’m not in any rush.

After being engaged for two years and breaking that relationship off, I can say I’ll be happy with whoever I’m with it doesn’t matter if we’re married or not. Figuring it’s only been almost a year since breaking the relationship off, it’s still kind of hard to even think about – I almost got married. My dress was white and completely covered in lace – strapless with a sweetheart neckline. The location was a church I spent most of my teenage years – the person who owned it was very dear to me and it’s the last church my grandma attended. The roses were all white, with a few black roses hidden. I had my hair long and one color for the first time in years. Then he stopped coming around, calling me and going out for dinner with me. I gave up and threw the towel in and started living the single life – and LOVING it. Now here I am in love with a guy who lives two hours away but not even thinking about getting married. Just wanting a committed relationship.

Is it weird if I say I shudder at the thought of my own future wedding? Not that I’m dreading for the time to come — I actually want to get married to someone I love, and have kids of our own but Idk. It’s not the idea of marriage that makes me cringe. It’s the idea of the preparation and the frustration that goes with it in order to plan the wedding. Now that’s what I’m dreading.

I mean, I’m 21 this year and mum keeps saying things like, “Oh, the next wedding we’re gonna attend to is yours” at other relative’s weddings and I always say, “Ha-ha, in your dreams, ma.”

Being Malay and a Muslim, there’s a whole BUNCH tradition shit. And I don’t think I can break away from that. I do want a beach wedding/party/reception, though. I think that’s super cool, instead of having it in a hall. But it would suck if it rains, though. Hahah!

And I have similar problem too. Most of my friends are guys too. And I can only count in one hand how many girl friends that I have. Oh well. I always tell myself that the “perfect” age for me to settle down is 25-28 years old. So yeah. I still have at least 4 more years to go hehe :D

I absolutely agree, of course, I don’t know if I’ll ever get married. ;_; Too much of a commitment…

The whole thing about all guy friends is so true for me. xD

Here comes the…..maid of honour. LOL. Well if they work out how to clone people, I’m happy to be all your bridesmaids as well :). But remember: NO POUFFY DRESSES D:.

And instead of a hen party, you can totally have a ‘Generic Chicken’ party where you invite guys too :P. Or we can just throw a sleepover and laugh at all the stupid things guys do. Although truth be told, girls do some pretty stupid things at times as well :P.

HAHAHA, it would be AWESOME if you and James did your own food. I’ll come help you guys! But don’t let me put anything in ovens or stoves or stuff. I might burn it D:.

It’d be pretty cool if you got married in a red dress :P. But at the same time, it would look pretty odd. I think people are just too used to associating weddings with white dresses or off-whites :S.

LOL, can you like…throw the bouquet straight at me? (Preferably after I’ve consumed multiple zyrtec tablets). No guarantees I’ll catch it though :P. I’ve terrible coordination.

Hey! I still think that it’d be cool to get married in ripped jeans :P. I don’t want any of that dress business. But I somehow can’t imagine YOU getting married in ripped jeans. Unless you wore them under your dress and we couldn’t see them. Hahaha.

In any case, regardless of what you decide to do, I’m sure you (and James) are going to have an AWESOME wedding :).

You don’t have to remind me – I will always discreetly throw the bouquet in your direction. You’re supposed to be married the day after me! Nah, just kidding – I can imagine that would turn out a bit of a mess and we decided that since you aren’t taken now, there’s slim chance that you would get married the day after. :( But you can always get married years after and on the same day, and we’ll have the same anniversary! How is that for a pile of woohoo! :P

I remember watching a wedding show on television and the lady had a dress that was white with some red decorations. It looked gross. I think I just like that white symbolises purity, so yeah. :3

We need Lilian clones! Hahaha. Though someone commented and said that my nieces would probably be old enough to be flower girls. I didn’t think of that. :B