Deeper Water

I’ve been listening to Deeper Water by Bayonets For Legs recently. Bayonets For Legs is an Australian indie band. I really like indie bands, and I really like a lot of Australian bands. The sad thing is that their great music isn’t often recognised on a global scale, and somehow I feel like they should be bigger – a heck of a lot bigger. Bands like Powderfinger and You Am I definitely got out there, but if I were to visit another well-populated country, chances are they wouldn’t have heard of these two legendary Australian bands. I’ll say AC/DC, oh, and people get me. But these indie bands are hardly known. People often say that they hope their favourite bands don’t go famous and let fame get to their head. If I were them, I’d be proud, but I guess not as arrogant as some musicians out there. But you know, I’ll still be that silent fan who remembers the days they played in clubs on quiet nights and remembering that I knew them, I knew them way back when.

One of the lines in Deeper Water is “the water’s deeper when you’re alone”. This really made me think about my phobia of being alone. Water being deep isn’t really a thing to favour; it’s probably a bit daunting and even scary for some people. I thought about all the times I’ve been alone… and I realise, it’s not being alone that I’m scared of. I like being alone at home and sometimes on the train, I like my own company – but when I’m alone, I sometimes feel lonely. And that’s what really gets to me, what makes me upset. Not that I’m alone, but that I’m lonely. I begin to feel lonely with the simple thought that I am alone.

This morning was not the best of mornings. After finding myself missing two buses and hence about ten trains, I realised I wasn’t going to arrive at university until 10:00am. An hour after the scheduled time I had booked the photo studio to work in. I listened to the head teacher tell me off, politely as possible – if that’s possible – and borrowed what I thought I’d need, and sat on the chair in that ginormous photo studio – alone. I chatted to James and Vivien online, and realised that I just felt like shit. I didn’t like that I ran for the bus and the train and was still late, and I didn’t like that I had to use the studio, and I didn’t like that I borrowed the wrong camera and really didn’t want to talk to the head teacher again. I honestly felt like crying. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for my assignment.

In one of my photography classes, I am the only person doing the class as an elective/option. Everyone else already had a lesson about the equipment (lighting, tripods, cyclorama, etc.) in another class, and I just hate being that person pretending to know my way around when I don’t. It made me upset, I didn’t want to touch any of the lights or ask anyone for help. I wasn’t with anyone from my class and talking to James, I felt lonely. I wished I wasn’t alone in that huge studio. I left without doing anything except looking for inspiration on the computer and arranging my papers for a photo I never took.

I spoke to my teacher outside. She was really nice about it. I just appreciate it so much, that she spent time talking to me and giving me suggestions and making sure I understood everything. It made me relieved too, when she said that I didn’t have to use the photo studios as long as I was pretty much fitting the criteria.

I guess I’ll be alright.

I feel annoyed because I lost my SD card. It had some photos on there, both for my work and some personal photos, as well as some videos. I am positive I dropped it somewhere in the photo labs. I looked inside the lost/found cupboard, but nothing. I just sent a bunch of emails to students and the head teacher asking if they had found it. I keep losing things. I don’t know why, but I need a bloody remedy already. I need to stop losing things!

I got to see Lilian today and meet her friends Belinda and Francesca (and Hector ๐Ÿ˜†). Lilian shouted me sushi and Belinda and Francesca had McDonalds. ๐Ÿ˜› I haven’t seen Lilian since April or what… and before that I think we hadn’t seen each other since last year. It was good to see her again. I got to crash her lecture too, which was so much more boring than mine, to be honest. Her university has their lectures recorded. I wish ours were too.

I managed to finish my assignment for my other photography class today. I had to print two large prints and they turned out pretty good. Yesterday James and I picked up some blowing bubbles from the Fusion Festival at university, and we were blowing them in the park and I thought it would make a good photo. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was hard to get it right because it was getting dark, late afternoon. I used about half a roll of film so there was bound to be a decent shot there, and there was.

Yesterday we also wanted to check out the Oceanic Cafe, apparently a cafe that has been in existence since the 1920s, with some cheap meals too. We were disappointed to find that it had pretty much closed. I was letting Nina, from my class, look at the photos I’d taken. She recognised the cafe in my photos and I asked her if it was still open or if it closed. She’d been there and said it was a “cute place” but didn’t know if it was closed for good. I remember that James phoned them but there was no answer. ๐Ÿ˜ž

Fernando bought sushi for Johnny and me for dinner. Yeah, dinner at 8:00pm… bit odd. I felt bad because it seems like everyone shouted me meals today. /um

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