A Change of Scenery

So many times I have needed to just get out. I mean literally get out. I haven’t been feeling good lately. In fact, I have been feeling miserable. Things at home haven’t been the best. As I mentioned a few posts ago, we have relatives who will be staying with us for some time, which means that cleaning the house is not an option – it’s a necessity. I have not enjoyed this mundane task and to put it bluntly, there is crap everywhere. I honestly don’t know what to do when my mum gives me a vague “please clean up”. There are things I can move around and clean up and put away but there is only so much I can do. There’s not much room for anything, and since a lot of the stuff is my mum’s, I am unsure of where exactly to put it. 😞

It’s horrid. I really do feel miserable, like this is yet another weight on my shoulders along with everything else. My mum said that I’ll be at home less because of my second job – well, obviously – and that I need to do more cleaning. Seriously. On top of those two jobs and doing assignments I do need to have time for a break. I would just really appreciate it if she could at least tell me where I could put some of this… ugh… junk.

I’ll be honest – I am not looking forward to it. And it’s pissing me off that my mum is making me clean all of this stuff. I don’t mind, but I wish she would be less vague about it. “Clean” doesn’t really give me much at all. I told Brandon and my dad to take their stuff out of the room and the rest of the stuff in the room was my mum’s stuff. I want to throw out a lot of stuff but my mum keeps saying to keep it just in case. I do NOT want to hoard anything anymore!

I am not looking forward to my relatives coming. God forbid if they read my blog and call me out. I’m sorry, but it’s just hard to take it all in. I’m going to be busy while they’re here and I’m going to make a shitty host. Most of the time my parents will be showing them around town and taking them to places. My relatives are from Indonesia and have never been here, so you can imagine they’ll want to see everything.

I have been rather stressed out the past few days trying to get caught up on things and sort out problems and overall, just deal. And yeah, I can do it, I know. It’s just a long, long road.

A while ago I was talking to my friend Ryan as we were on our way home from university. He told me that he was getting a bit tired of travelling to and from university every day. I agreed. It was pretty cool travelling right into the heart of the city, from the outer suburbs I live in, when university started. But it soon became boring. These days I can hardly find something useful to do on my train rides other than sleep. I have been reading books, newspapers… I think that perhaps I should put Invader Zim on my iPod. James will be pleased. ☺️

All in all, change is good. I embrace it nearly all the time. Sometimes I just need a little change to feel refreshed. A new wallpaper. God, I love new wallpapers. A new theme on Messenger or a new buddy icon. Taking a new route to university, even. A new lipgloss. Heck, a new camera. πŸ˜‰

With that, you always have to let out the old when you let in the new. I have bags of books still waiting at the front of my room to be dumped or sold. I have cleaned out so much from my room, I’m actually avoiding buying anything new at all. I’m even avoiding picking up brochures or catalogues for fear that they will end up on my desk and just become an addition to a possible pile of horrid junk… 😰

I just don’t want to be miserable. I’ve been crying a lot lately, just wishing things wouldn’t just feel like a great big weight on my shoulders.

I’m going to work again tomorrow. I’d better get used to this. 😚

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