I Won’t Deny The Change

We change all the time. I don’t know if it’s something to be sad about. Recently retro has been making a little bit of a comeback with some trends. I see quite a large number of girls wearing high-waisted shorts now, to the point where you might see their bottoms, and I’ll admit that those shorts do not look terrific on all girls, but for all I can say, I like people who ooze confidence and don’t give a damn what others think, especially with regards to appearance.

I was watching Michelle Phan on YouTube earlier today; I recently became interested in her makeup tutorials even though my interest for makeup will not blossom any time soon and will remain at an absolute minimum. There is no crime in taking an interest in what other people love to do even if you may not love doing it yourself!

From there, I read a note she had posted on Facebook, addressing the issue (though I personally don’t think it’s much of an issue!) with a hair stylist and fashion stylist being included in her videos. She was very honest throughout her note, which I’ll admit was rather long – but she mentioned something that I believe everyone should keep in mind. She realised that some people were not happy with the change for many reasons, be it “Michelle changing”, “Michelle not being the same”, “Michelle making different videos” and other comments on the same wavelength.

She understood that people had mixed feelings but felt that it was a “way of life” and “part of growing”; the videos are the same format and while she is not the “old Michelle”, she has evolved. I love how she put it:

A butterfly may be beautiful but it’s still the same old caterpillar. Ask yourself, 2 years ago, were you any different than you were now?

I was very different.

Today I emptied my entire bookshelf. Two years ago, the contents of my bookshelf bore the same composition as it did before I emptied it. All the books were neatly ordered from tallest to shortest, all other things had their own shelf – and now, the books are in alphabetical order. Why? Because I wanted it that way. I wanted a change.

Going through my old things meant going through my old diaries, and it pained me to read all the horrid things I’d written – things about heartbreak and betrayal and being hurt by people. It’s hard to imagine what I was going through at the time. Now I look back and think, “Gosh, I was probably exaggerating and being oversensitive”. I read through my old private diaries and tear up. Now it seems like I was oversensitive, but back then, I didn’t even know myself. Now I know myself. And back then, I was fragile, and I went through serious depression. Now I’m a stronger person. I let myself read through old blog posts, and they are so deep. So, so deep. They were long, as I only blogged once a month. They were full of feelings.

I actually admire what my writing style was back then. My vocabulary was clearly extensive, and now I don’t use “big words”. But words have a power, and you don’t need long, big words to tell a story.

As one of my lecturers at university told us: Everyone has a story.

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