Shades of Grey

8th September 2009

I distinctly remember the phase of here and now,
Somewhat alone and listening to
The low thrumming of the wheels as
I imagine the fields I ran in as a child.
I come to familiar places,
See familiar faces,
And though I cannot try anymore
I feel the heavy weight of my heart,
The long lost journeys in the back
Of my humoured mind.

I recall the music that played that time,
The sunlight weaving its way around my face;
Dubiously, I take out my pen and paper and write
To the degree where my heart is satisfied.
For I linger away when a soul walks by,
And I see familiar faces disappear;
Smells of home greet me,
Smells of familiarity;
I try to hold my heart high and feel
The empty blackness in its cold and bitter embrace.
Those days long gone I tried to forget,
To make up for the promises I had broken.

Inherently, I reach into my pocket and feel
The cold coins, the scraps of paper,
Deep in selfless hope.
I shall not be the only one;
I want to tell them more than you, more than I,
More than anyone at all;
Your words mean more to me than everything
But never before – never before – did I apologise.

The delay with my heart drops distantly,
As familiar voices ring in my ears,
And with pins in my heart, once removed,
The numbness of a thousand guilts immerses me in gelid water
By and by, but all I feel is that I was destined to fall.
You won’t be someone and nor will I;
A teardrop falls, and I don’t want to feel it fall
The way I did.