Apart from fracturing my middle finger twice, I have never broken a bone, and certainly don’t know what breaking one feels like. So when I was walking down the stairs at work today (our office has two levels) with a small plate, table knife, and tub of cream cheese – that I was taking to my desk to eat with my rice cakes for my morning tea – and misstepped and lost my balance about three steps from the landing, the pain I experienced was easily the most physical pain and trauma I’d ever been in.

I remember feeling the blow to both my shins as I reached my arms out to save myself. I remember reading or hearing about this – probably in biology class at school – how we naturally put our hands out in front of us when we fall forwards, but this behaviour is absent in some people who have a medical condition, making them more susceptible to injury if they fall. I don’t remember what the condition is specifically, but it made me more grateful that I’m physically able to react like this, in a way that most people consider “normal”.

I remember gripping my left knee and wailing once I’d landed, the plate, table knife and tub of cream cheese flying out of my hands. My left shin was in extreme pain and I could feel some pain in my right shin as well, but it was nothing compared to the left. I’m sure it only took about ten seconds before my cries escalated to more than a basic “ow” and some of my coworkers came to my aid. I couldn’t tell who was there at first, and although I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out, I rolled to my side and on my back and closed my eyes and held a hand to my head as I cried in pain.

It was cool in a matter of minutes. I mean, my legs were cool. ❄ Also, I call them my coworkers but I more often refer to them as friends. :) Someone covered me with a blanket. My friends helped me put an ice pack on my legs where the bruises appeared. I honestly hadn’t opened my eyes for several minutes so I didn’t even see the damage until later on. My friend gave me a hand to squeeze, ugh I was so grateful for that because I was just in a massive state of panic. They kept telling me it looked really bad, but that it wasn’t bleeding anywhere, just a lot of bruising.

My right leg hurt like hell, but oh, my left leg felt like Mordor. 🔥😩 Until we got a second ice pack, one of my friends was swapping between the two legs. The left one stung like hell when the ice pack was on it. It felt like it was going numb and I couldn’t really feel my leg.

I kinda just lay there groaning until I felt a little more OK, but a few of my friends stayed around to keep me chatting and take my mind off my leg. It hurt like a bitch though, excuse my language. 😰 I was lying on the floor but I felt OK to sit up for a second and look at my legs. The left one was so badly bruised with a bit of broken skin where it had hit the edge of steps. It looked like there was a massive dent in my leg. 😱 The right one had a graze and it looked like it was going to bruise in another spot.

I messaged Nick to tell him what happened and he was able to come over. ♥️ When I felt a bit better I could sit up, but I pointed out that it really hurt my ankle when I flexed my foot or tried to point it. Putting weight on my foot was impossible too. The pain was subsiding a little bit, but I remember initially thinking that it was possible I broke something. I had less worry when I was able to sit on the couch after getting off the floor, but I still wanted to be sure. Calling an ambulance or going to the emergency room seemed a bit unnecessary. I’d also learned from the first aid course I did a few weeks ago that you would really only be admitted to ER if your bruise was getting larger within minutes (because that suggests internal bleeding), and my bruise was there but it hadn’t “spread”.

I still wanted to see a doctor right away in case I did do more damage, so I borrowed my friend’s shoes and Nick and I hobbled down about a block away to the nearest medical centre. I will point out now that I was wearing heels and that is why I borrowed my friend’s shoes, but as dumb as I feel for falling down, I’m not blaming the stairs nor the heels. I’m not blaming anyone or anything. 😊 I haven’t so much as sprained my ankle while walking in heels, though I’ve had an accidental trip or slight roll of an ankle many times – and accidents happen, so this was just one of them.

The doctor pressed my leg in different places and the swollen area around the bruise stung a lot. He instructed me to get an x-ray and come back. His suspicion was that I had done some damage, but not serious (since I could still move my foot – and everyone knows you can’t really move if you have broken a bone), and that I might possibly have to be on crutches for a few weeks.

Not gonna lie, the thought of being on crutches flagged “new experiences!” in my head. In hindsight, I was surprised at how optimistic I sounded. I had also thought, however, that I wouldn’t be able to train in the gym for a while but that it would very much still be possible, and challenging – in a good way.

I had actually written this in my notebook that morning:

– Today I look and feel amazing
– I feel great. I hope I am productive

As a side note, I have been thinking of changing up the way I write in my notebooks daily. It was loosely bullet-journal based but I would like to make it a little more strict.

I find what I wrote almost funny. My friends and I also laughed at the fact that I had done the first aid course a few weeks ago and I’d done this to myself. 😆

Long-term effects of an injury didn’t sound very good at all. So once I got an Uber ride home and took a nap, I stayed positive and hoped that the x-ray results would show no damage to my bones.

Nick picked up the x-ray results for me that afternoon before coming home. We peeked at the results and it said there were no abnormalities in my bones and my leg looks normal. 😅 Such a relief. If I think about myself in the past, when my mental health was at a low, I probably would have thought, “Damn, wish it was super serious so I could go on crutches, ugh”. If I’d thought that, it would have also been an attention-seeking method that I would have hoped would make me feel emotionally better. Having that reflection made me smile about my attitude today.

I don’t know if writing those notes in my notebook radiated throughout the hours of the day. I suppose it’s true what they say about writing daily affirmations improving your mindset and your life – which I don’t do, mind you, today was the first time I’d written anything of the sort.

I’ll be visiting the doctor tomorrow to see if I need any treatment on my leg, but otherwise, it hurts less, and twelve hours later, I can put just a little more weight on it, and I can flex my foot alright.

Trust me to write over a thousand words about me falling down the stairs.

Love y’all. 💕

P.S. I know you’d probably want a photo.