I miss…

Lilian. My best friend. We haven’t seen each other since – I can’t even remember now. I think the last time I saw her was when I visited her university while I had a five-hour break at university. We talk all the time, but we need to hang out some time too. 😁

James. I haven’t seen him since university ended, which really was quite some time ago. It’s long for us – because usually we get by with seeing each other once a week. I’m seeing him tomorrow though. I’m going to the Explosions in the Sky show, which should be amazing. The show is apparently sold out, so I’m glad we got tickets early. James will be picking me up from home and we’ll be going to a train station with parking, then catching a train to the venue. I’ve read many reviews about Explosions in the Sky being the “best concert” some have been to, and the crowd behaved so well that sometimes people forgot they were there. I won’t truly know until I see for myself. I’m excited but a bit nervous at the same time because I’m not quite sure what to expect. All the shows I’ve been to so far have been very different. I guess different is good – but not knowing what to expect always makes me a bit nervous.

My long hair. I was just looking back on my old videos that I recorded, and my hair was so long. It was layered and I had a side fringe, and now it’s so much shorter and I have a straight fringe. I’m keeping the straight fringe for a while, because I absolutely hate how a side fringe grows out. I really want to grow my hair a lot before I decide to get it layered.

Ballet. I just didn’t have the time to keep teaching so I stopped. I reached what I call the better end… which wasn’t the real end of the journey, but it was an end for me. A qualified student teacher, I’m really happy with how far I went with that. I’ve participated in so many activities from my childhood up until now, and I’ve never really fully mastered any of them except ballet. I loved ballet so much that I chose to continue it even though I stopped my other dance styles, and even though I took a break from ballet, I went back. I remember crying before I went back because I realised how much it meant to me. I miss it now simply because I haven’t had the time to dance even for fun, my pointe shoes don’t fit so well anymore, and I’ve lost a lot of the strength I had in my muscles. I still have a dancer’s legs, but I cramp a bit more easily and I need to regain the strength in my calves.

Sushi. I haven’t had it in a while, and I just miss it so much. Since my appetite has been a bit of a mess since I started taking antidepressants, I’ve only been eating fruit and small meals of pasta and vegetables. I feel like eating really light stuff a lot of the time.

The bloggers that stopped blogging. Gillian, Swetlana, Kat, just to name a few. The blogging world isn’t what it was before. A lot of the people I know stopped blogging or disappeared. Every now and then I remember them and how fun it was having them around. Now I only see them on Twitter, or they’ve just disappeared.

The patience to do pixel art. I honestly don’t know how I had the patience. I did a lot of this back in 2006, and though I wasn’t that good, I eventually improved. But pixel art took so long; it took up so much of my time. A lot of people were so much better than me, their pixels were perfect to every detail. I admired those people very much but I soon moved into designing more textured layouts with brushes… and I was much better at scribbling and drawing and doodling. I deleted the pixels page from my website today without any regrets. I would love to try my hand at pixelling again, but I honestly do think I’ve lost the patience.

My two dogs. I didn’t own them for a long time, but I loved them so much. As a family, we were just far too busy and returned the dogs to the original owner – a family friend – who gave them loving new homes.

Indonesia. (Just a little bit.) It shocks me that I’m writing this, but even though I claim to hate the country in which my parents were born, I sometimes like a fair bit about it. I hated people making sexual comments about me in the street, and I hated the toilets and the smell and the pollution and the traffic, but I miss the food stalls, especially the bakso soup (meatballs) and the noodles, and I miss just glancing in the shops even if I didn’t want to buy anything. I also miss my cousins and the routine of waking up early and… I don’t know how to word the rest.

Work. I know I worked just yesterday, but I miss it.

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