Hey, I’m Georgie (again)
I think I am being honest when I say I don’t have many friends. In actuality, the really close friends I could trust to hide a body (I am genuinely kidding about this) would be able to fit into a phone booth with me.
Quite some time ago Liv mentioned that she didn’t think I was into the social part of going to gigs. I mostly went alone, and I didn’t often socialise; I just wanted to listen to the music and sort of get lost in it. As of late, and having photographed for several music websites, I have felt that I see it more as a job now. It doesn’t bother me too much, and sometimes I do enjoy the music, but it would still be nice to have someone to share it with. It was lovely meeting my friend Jess after we kept seeing each other at the same gigs, but other times, there isn’t much more than the random dude who tries to hit on you before you’ve even really taken two steps into the room.
Last week I was photographing at our university’s winter festival, where a bunch of bands and DJs play and people dance and eat and have a great time. There was even a peculiar silent disco, where you put on headphones and listened to DJs playing music. It was weird to walk into an area full of people doing that, I can tell you. I wasn’t expecting much of a great time. I was photographing for Tone Deaf and expected to leave right after Gold Fields had played.
So it was pretty awesome when I walked out of there with a new friend. Hi Tristan (yeah I know you’re reading this haha)! /wave
The funny thing is that Tristan and I live a few streets away from each other. He started talking to me because I had one of those staff passes around my neck, and I was totally just leaning against a pillar looking bored. Conversation starter. Uh huh. So this whole, “hey I know where you live” thing came into conversation when he asked when I was leaving, and I said I would be leaving in a couple of hours because I live “pretty far”. Most people at my university live in student housing or very close to the city, and have absolutely no idea where I’m referring to even if I name major towns close to where I live — so it was pretty surprising when I made Tristan sort-of guess where I lived and that I could probably walk to his house (if I wanted). He works at the supermarket down the road.
Most of the time I freak out at small-world stories and they induce the phrase “here we go again” or make things perennially awkward. It wasn’t the case on Friday, I guess because meeting someone at university who actually lives near you is pretty remarkable, at least when your whole educational life everyone asks where the heck your home town is. When you say it’s near a certain larger town, they still don’t get it; nope.
We had a really nice mushroom pizza, I actually wasn’t too keen on eating because I ate sushi before I popped in, but it was really tasty. Going to gigs at 7:00 is hell; there is basically no one there. I still don’t understand what people do between COB (5-6pm) and 8-9pm when most gigs start. Eat? Drink? Get drunk already? I actually just came home from a gig that started at 7:30 — I saw Violent Soho, and they finished before 10:00pm. Usually support bands haven’t even finished by then. Early gigs FTW. 😁
We had a drink and then travelled home together, which was pretty neat because sitting alone on a train late at night gets to me sometimes.
I spent Sunday with James and we made some garlic prawn pizza again and some mushroom and capsicum pizza. I think we didn’t put enough sauce because the dough was amazing but it tasted really dry. Then we went to the forest to walk Keeks. It seems to be quite the tradition for us. 🙂
Monday evening I met Tristan for tea and we had this really nice green tea latte at a café near the train station in the city. We ended up talking for a while and James messaged me saying his classroom lost its power, so we decided to meet up at the train station, and all headed part-way home together. I often wonder what it is that makes me get along with people, considering I used to be a very shy person, and sometimes only shy around certain people. My mum still thinks I am shy and not very confident, but I feel like she’s probably missed the little phase I had in high school when I dressed like a punk. I think those signified the days when I became more confident and outgoing.
Tristan and I went running on Tuesday morning, did a glorious 6-7 kilometres with far too many stops. Yeah, I totally haven’t run in a while, but running with a friend is terrific motivation. I used to doubt it, probably because I’ve always been self-conscious about my body. 😞 But that aside, it was still good to get moving again, though I wish I didn’t live so far from work because it would be lovely to do it more often. I prefer running in the morning to running at night.
Over the weekend, I swear something was a godsend.
On Saturday I visited my relative, who had stage four lung cancer. It was heartbreaking seeing her in a coma, struggling to breathe. I really hoped for a miracle. But she died a few hours ago, and my mum broke the news to me when I got home. It hit me pretty hard. I didn’t find it fair at all. She left behind a loving husband and four beautiful sons.
I felt like changing myself. I re-thinked my relationships. There were some toxic ones. There were some that were sort of eating me out and making me carry very unnecessary emotional baggage.
I looked over at all the nasty, mean, and bitchy things I said. The lies I had told. The fact that I keep beating around the bush, unable to make up my mind, unable to talk without waffling on. The fact that I cuss just a little bit too much.
Suddenly, I wanted to change. I wanted to back away from the relationships that I felt like I was putting all my emotions into (James tossed in a wonderful phrase, something like “wagon of lunatics”). It felt unhealthy. I was not being independent, and relying on others to make decisions for me and determine how I feel. And my mind went, fuck that. I’m going to stop taking ages to get to the point. I’m going to be upfront and honest. I’m going to stop lying. I want to be less of a douche, I announced, and I want to be a better person.
Zack called it turning over a new leaf.
James said, “Maybe Tristan’s the first real friend you’ve had in… a while.”
I don’t know, but that desire to change, and to become a better person, is pretty freakin’ radical.