Hey, I’m Georgie (again)

I think I am being honest when I say I don’t have many friends. In actuality, the really close friends I could trust to hide a body (I am genuinely kidding about this) would be able to fit into a phone booth with me.

Quite some time ago Liv mentioned that she didn’t think I was into the social part of going to gigs. I mostly went alone, and I didn’t often socialise; I just wanted to listen to the music and sort of get lost in it. As of late, and having photographed for several music websites, I have felt that I see it more as a job now. It doesn’t bother me too much, and sometimes I do enjoy the music, but it would still be nice to have someone to share it with. It was lovely meeting my friend Jess after we kept seeing each other at the same gigs, but other times, there isn’t much more than the random dude who tries to hit on you before you’ve even really taken two steps into the room.

Last week I was photographing at our university’s winter festival, where a bunch of bands and DJs play and people dance and eat and have a great time. There was even a peculiar silent disco, where you put on headphones and listened to DJs playing music. It was weird to walk into an area full of people doing that, I can tell you. I wasn’t expecting much of a great time. I was photographing for Tone Deaf and expected to leave right after Gold Fields had played.

So it was pretty awesome when I walked out of there with a new friend. Hi Tristan (yeah I know you’re reading this haha)! /wave

The funny thing is that Tristan and I live a few streets away from each other. He started talking to me because I had one of those staff passes around my neck, and I was totally just leaning against a pillar looking bored. Conversation starter. Uh huh. So this whole, “hey I know where you live” thing came into conversation when he asked when I was leaving, and I said I would be leaving in a couple of hours because I live “pretty far”. Most people at my university live in student housing or very close to the city, and have absolutely no idea where I’m referring to even if I name major towns close to where I live — so it was pretty surprising when I made Tristan sort-of guess where I lived and that I could probably walk to his house (if I wanted). He works at the supermarket down the road.

Most of the time I freak out at small-world stories and they induce the phrase “here we go again” or make things perennially awkward. It wasn’t the case on Friday, I guess because meeting someone at university who actually lives near you is pretty remarkable, at least when your whole educational life everyone asks where the heck your home town is. When you say it’s near a certain larger town, they still don’t get it; nope.

We had a really nice mushroom pizza, I actually wasn’t too keen on eating because I ate sushi before I popped in, but it was really tasty. Going to gigs at 7:00 is hell; there is basically no one there. I still don’t understand what people do between COB (5-6pm) and 8-9pm when most gigs start. Eat? Drink? Get drunk already? I actually just came home from a gig that started at 7:30 — I saw Violent Soho, and they finished before 10:00pm. Usually support bands haven’t even finished by then. Early gigs FTW. /bounce

We had a drink and then travelled home together, which was pretty neat because sitting alone on a train late at night gets to me sometimes. #emotional

I spent Sunday with James and we made some garlic prawn pizza again and some mushroom and capsicum pizza. I think we didn’t put enough sauce because the dough was amazing but it tasted really dry. Then we went to the forest to walk Keeks. It seems to be quite the tradition for us. :)

Monday evening I met Tristan for tea and we had this really nice green tea latte at a café near the train station in the city. We ended up talking for a while and James messaged me saying his classroom lost its power, so we decided to meet up at the train station, and all headed part-way home together. I often wonder what it is that makes me get along with people, considering I used to be a very shy person, and sometimes only shy around certain people. My mum still thinks I am shy and not very confident, but I feel like she’s probably missed the little phase I had in high school when I dressed like a punk. I think those signified the days when I became more confident and outgoing.

Tristan and I went running on Tuesday morning, did a glorious 6-7 kilometres with far too many stops. Yeah, I totally haven’t run in a while, but running with a friend is terrific motivation. I used to doubt it, probably because I’ve always been self-conscious about my body. :( But that aside, it was still good to get moving again, though I wish I didn’t live so far from work because it would be lovely to do it more often. I prefer running in the morning to running at night.

Over the weekend, I swear something was a godsend.

On Saturday I visited my relative, who had stage four lung cancer. It was heartbreaking seeing her in a coma, struggling to breathe. I really hoped for a miracle. But she died a few hours ago, and my mum broke the news to me when I got home. It hit me pretty hard. I didn’t find it fair at all. She left behind a loving husband and four beautiful sons.

I felt like changing myself. I re-thinked my relationships. There were some toxic ones. There were some that were sort of eating me out and making me carry very unnecessary emotional baggage.

I looked over at all the nasty, mean, and bitchy things I said. The lies I had told. The fact that I keep beating around the bush, unable to make up my mind, unable to talk without waffling on. The fact that I cuss just a little bit too much.

Suddenly, I wanted to change. I wanted to back away from the relationships that I felt like I was putting all my emotions into (James tossed in a wonderful phrase, something like “wagon of lunatics”). It felt unhealthy. I was not being independent, and relying on others to make decisions for me and determine how I feel. And my mind went, fuck that. I’m going to stop taking ages to get to the point. I’m going to be upfront and honest. I’m going to stop lying. I want to be less of a douche, I announced, and I want to be a better person.

Zack called it turning over a new leaf.

James said, “Maybe Tristan’s the first real friend you’ve had in… a while.”

I don’t know, but that desire to change, and to become a better person, is pretty freakin’ radical.

Comments on this post

I’m a shy person too! In starting conversations or relationships, I usually wait for the other party to begin. If they don’t approach me first, it’s highly likely that I’ll just be silent.

I guess I don’t know what to say to start a meaningful conversation. I mean, I’m not the type of person to make small talks. And I kinda prefer (and am comfortable) walking or going around places by myself.

Perhaps that’s why I’m a tad bit too independent.

Anyways, most of my friends are guys. 3 out of 5 of my close, if not best, friends are guys. I feel like I have bodyguards (haha!). The 2 girl friends I’m close with currently lives in another city and the other another country.

It’d be nice to have another close female friend. I’d like to go on a trip out of the city and my parents will say “no” because there’s no other girl in the party.

So sorry to hear about your relative, Georgie! People smoke EVERYWHERE here, everyone is becoming a passive smoker. And air is awfully polluted here too :(

My parents are the same — they get a bit iffy if there are no girls, and are not used to me having so many male friends. But at the same time, if I am out late, they might want a guy there to be some kind of bodyguard. Asian parents right? XD

I think I’ve told you this before, that I really only have one girl friend; most of my friends are guys too. I don’t seem to get along with girls too well, or they judge me too quickly because I have unusual interests. It’s nice to meet someone when you already know you have things in common. Then it doesn’t get awkward or weird.

Yeah, it’s pretty horrible… she never smoked. :( :(

I can say the same thing. I have maybe three friends I would go to the end of the world for? Probably two. I’m really shy, and some of the things that come out my mouth really are just weird… I think most people think I’m nice but a bit bonkers. Not sure what to think of that. /oh /hehe

I’m glad you met Tristan. I’m just the same in the fact that when I tell people from school where I live I just get blank looks and “what, where?”, and whenever I find someone who lives nearby it’s like a miracle, ha. He sounds like a nice guy. And having a running buddy must be pretty cool.

When I go to gigs it’s normally with my friend Meg and her dad and we normally just stand and bop to the music. I often want to get into it (you know, screaming like a lunatic, etc., etc.) but Meg and her dad are always so reserved I feel like I can’t, haha. I normally only go see bands I really like. I’m seeing A7X in December and Papa Roach at some point next year. ✌️

I’m so sorry to hear about your relative. :( It’s so horrid when people pass away before their time. I lost my grandparents very early on, three before I was five and my final grandma when I was nine. So I know what you mean.

There was a time when I was really scared I’d lose my mum and dad to lung cancer because they both smoked so much, but my mum quit and my dad has cut back a lot.

Take care! xx

The thing with girls is I either get along with them really well, or not at all. Most girls are far too judgemental and catty for their own good. It breaks my heart that that’s how the world is. :( Most girls see the clothes I wear and judge me based on that, most girls see that I’m Asian and judge me on that, most girls automatically hate me if they see me “flirting” with a guy, most girls see my weirdness and randomness and judge me for that. I’m mostly shunned for my weirdness and randomness haha. I think so many girls are so fixated on fitting in and meeting a certain standard that they shun everyone outside their narrow definition of “cool.” I don’t mind a little bit of gossiping, but usually there is so much trash-talking and bitching going on in a group of girls that I find it exhausting and petty to be a part of it. And of course it doesn’t stop there… everyone not only bitches about everyone outside their little in-group, but they also bitch about everyone IN their in-group. In the end, it’s all a pile of pretentious shit; no amount of Febreeze can hide its stink.

And then there are those super sweet girls that I just adore. The ones who are open minded and always up for a laugh. Who aren’t quick to judge and can see things from other people’s perspectives and aren’t quick to condemn everyone who isn’t like them. Who doesn’t make fun of someone else’s interests in malice, but still know how to dish a joke and take one too. Girls with a good sense of humour and a good heart. There needs to be more girls like this. Maybe women are genetically just hard wired to be “bitchy” and whatever, but I still can’t help but be disappointed in our society and in our women. C’mon, we’re on the same team, what need is there to claw each other raw and bloody?

Haha I’m just going through a rough time right now and getting screwed over by precisely these girls. I’m so sick and tired of them by now I just want to get the hell out. But first I need to get the $600 that these bitches owe me.

Anyway, I’m glad you met Tristan. Making a true friend is one of the greatest things in life. :)

Nothing wrong with most of your friends being guys, I think! Some of my best friends are guys. And I think that our parents grew up in an era where you just didn’t really have friends of the opposite gender because that was how things worked. (But now that most of the people I run into are guys, I just can’t help it.) And fewer good friends >> lots of friends. There’s not enough time and energy in this world for any person to maintain having tons of close friends.

The time I went to see the Griswolds by myself, I was glad that I went on my own. Honestly, I don’t understand how people socialize when the surrounding volume is as loud as an airplane taking off. Of course, that’s the oddball side of me speaking, as I also can’t understand how a bar is a fun place for people to hang out, for precisely the same reason! (If I just wanted to get drunk, though…)

I haven’t had a first real friend in a while which is not surprising as I’ve been blowing off my good relationships. I wonder when another casual hey could turn into a lot more heys and friendship along the way. I’m incredibly reserved too, but even so I’m still always the one to first hey on somebody because people never talk to me first. They’re intimidated or something, I never much get why.

I think I awfully need to change too. I also have an aunt who was diagnosed of cancer five months ago. I still saw her last month, and then she died this month. It’s the first time I was affected by a relative who passed away. It made me think a lot. Like if death is so sudden, then I must put more effort in the relationships I had or one day I’ll be gone and they wouldn’t even care. We all could be better persons, yes.

Tristan there sounds like the kind of firend you could run to in the middle of the night to borrow a screwdriver from. :P And that could be really helpful so I guess I should probably get to know my neighbors, bring them cookies, knock their frontdoors, and say hey. (So there again I’m the one to say hey. 🤬)