Hello darkness, my old friend.
Well, the past year has been a colossal clusterfuck in some ways, and an absolute joyride in others. This may have been the longest unintended hiatus I have taken from my blog—like, ever—and I am so determined to pour my heart and soul back into these yellowing pixel-based pages. There are things that may never be written about, and my online presence can hold a little more mystery as I grow older and wiser, unlike the relentless oversharing I once did as a teen, before social media, before Tumblr, before… before…
Before October 2024, things were alright. I had been living largely the same comfortable life, day after day. After that, things in my life fell apart and I could not repair it all. I just had to pick myself up, gather the pieces, and try to move forward.
I wrote in my year end post last year that I burned out without noticing, or was experiencing a “constant, exhausting burnout”. I only related to that once this year, and that happened last week, so I looked forward to having three days off work. Although I didn’t experience burnout, I was upset, crying, and mentally exhausted a lot of the time. In an Instagram post two months ago, I wrote:
I’ve been trying so hard to find peace. The past year has been one of the hardest. Multiple times I thought I was getting back on my feet again, only to be knocked when I was already down. I was repeatedly triggered by surroundings and various events, traumatised by certain situations, forced to comply with things I disagreed with because I either had no choice, or just to survive. I kept it together on the outside, but inside I was struggling to maintain composure, emotions, and stability in my life.
This sums up a good portion of the year for me. I felt like I could not mentally rest because of all the obstacles I came across, not least of which was my own emotions, which hit highs and lows and was never consistent.
Most recently, I have felt opposing feelings at the same time, and I am coming to grips with the fact that two things related to opposing feelings can be true at the same time. They do not cancel each other out and neither is more valid than the other.
At the same time, I have never felt more loved and supported by the people around me. I have never felt more like myself, and the person I truly am. I may have spent decades putting myself out there in a digital space, but in the past year I stepped out into parts of the world—physical places, and dedicated spaces, and into the bubbles of people’s lives where I was so welcomed. People gave me space and I gave them space; we shared space, together, in the safety and comfort of each other’s company. Friendships were made, amplified, improved, rejuvenated.
I have come a long way. I have so many words more to write, more stories to tell, more feelings to share.
I’ve been participating in Weird Web October for 2025. Huge love to my friend Chris for being way too fucking keen to participate that my reluctance turned into enthusiasm, and to Sha for constantly creating cool shit for WWO. Check out my nonsense stuff at by.georgie.nu/weird. I am so eager to write a reflection post after October ends. Last year I mentioned that my mental health declined with about ten days to go, and that was around the time that personal issues came up, so attempting it again this year appears to be some kind of redemption.
The WordPress-to-Astro conversion of this blog that I wrote about some time ago has been paused. I made moderate progress up until about five months ago, when I reached a hurdle in the process, and it just so happened that one of the aforementioned life obstacles occurred at around the same time. I just stopped working on it. I had wanted to write about the journey and the process, but I guess I ran myself into the mud when I realised that converting the system of the very thing I want to write and publish on is just me blocking myself, or making myself do unnecessary work. But I will continue with the project and I will complete it. I’d made it a goal to get it done by the end of the year, and I have every to-do listed out, so it’s just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other.
I have been engaging in a lot of creative, crafty stuff at home, like making cushions, rugs, paintings. I had not done anything written or digital in a long while. The WWO challenge was kind of the thing I needed—making small, fun, silly digital things—to dip my toes back into the creative outlets I’d stepped away from. I am ready to do the thing I’ve loved since forever: to write again.
Also, while I’m here, yeah, I hate AI too. Hah. This wouldn’t be a Hey Georgie post without including my sassy opinion.
Thank you, love you. 💕 You will hear from me again soon.