Fear and other things

I feel exhausted. I feel tired. I should be sleeping soon, but I really want to empty my head. Every two days (sometimes less often) I write a post and I wonder if I really do it out of habit or if I force myself to do so. I really like writing but sometimes I scrounge around looking for something to write about. I don’t know why it is that I wait until nearly midnight to blog, what is the point?

I’m going to be a mentor for first-year university students. That makes me feel ridiculously old as a third-year student.

So I have found out that I have become insane in regards to Doctor Who. I keep watching the series 5 finale over and over. It makes me cry a lot, and I don’t know – I really like that. In a weird way. It’s really touching.

It has been about five years since I last followed a show on television. I was an avid watcher of House and Supernatural – they were definitely my top two favourite shows. Then high school and exams took over and I think around this time, I started enjoying web design more and doing other projects, and I didn’t bother sitting for an hour every week to watch ‘my shows’.

Now I don’t know how I stood the patience. I have never, ever been a person accustomed to watching shows and movies. I can’t stand it. I sat through Troy only to fall asleep and take a (or was it two?) toilet breaks… I can’t sit still when watching something, and I certainly can’t stand to watch it in the theatre. I like watching from the comfort of my own home, from a DVD or something, and often on my computer so that I can flick to another window and pause when I like, or even leave two windows open, a show on one side of the screen and an email on the other. Multi-tasking has always been in my eyes, just to save me from the horrible attention span I have when watching anything. I’ve been like that since I was young. Never really liked movies at all – which is why, when I find a movie I like, it means a lot to me.

Since I haven’t watched television shows on-the-fly for the past five years, I am now scared. Back then I dreaded watching episodes and I hated cliffhangers so much. My friends didn’t really watch the shows I watched, or they found some way to watch it online and watched ahead of me. I didn’t really get to talk about it with them and there would be no one to freak out to, saying “I hate that Vogler guy so bloody much!”

Now that I’ve caught myself up on most of the new Doctor Who, I’m scared for series 6. I am absolutely petrified that it’ll be this horrible ride I’m going to be latching onto for dear life. I was spoiled for most of the series that I caught up on – seeing as it was on television years ago and it was only in the past few months I started watching. People already knew what happened and I somehow found out, without really intending to. Finding out that people die or leave and all – yet I still cry when they do.

Spoilers don’t really have an effect on me. Perhaps they cushion the blow? But I’m absolutely terrified for the new series of Doctor Who. Not because it’s going to be scary, but because I won’t know. And I’m just not used to it.

Then again, who does know? I’ll be in the same boat as everyone else. The question is, do I want to be in the same boat as everyone else?

Comments are closed.