Can’t smile without you

I entered the Best Australian Blogs 2013 Competition earlier this month, and I entered the People’s Choice Round as well. You can vote for my blog now, and voting ends on the 30th April. My blog is on the second page and is listed as “Hey Georgie”. It would mean so much to me if you voted for me. ♥️

I’ve been running this week! That means waking up at 6am so I can fit in a run. I used to run four kilometres but now I’m managing a swell five (at least, for three times in a row this week). I have not been so strict with my running so I naturally my muscles are sore, but the pain is far more tolerable than it was last time. It feels really good. It’s still pitch black at 6am; it actually feels like I’m running in the night. By the time I get back home, the sun has just come up.

Of course I’m proud of the increase in distance without stops, but I’m most proud that I pulled myself together and got myself to actually try, to actually do it. That’s what I’m most proud of, regardless of how far I run.

I recall a topic coming up in class regarding behaviour analysis and this idea of people mirroring actions if they are attracted to someone. It’s also been said that people’s actions are similar to their partner’s if they have been together for a while. I’ve thought about this physical observation, especially regarding people you’re close to – not just family, but friends, workmates, classmates – whoever you might share a connection with. Naturally, things that you have in common will encourage conversation and forge a strong bond. At the same time, opposites attract, and I truly believe that as well. The way I see it, people are initially attracted to someone because they share hobbies or interests, but later down the track, what fuels the relationship/friendship is not always the time you spend together, but the time you spend apart. The time you spend not giving a thought to that person, but when you meet, that’s what you have to talk about. You have a whole week’s worth (or months’ or years’) of stories to tell that person, and believe me, you will find a lot of things to say about that dull week you had. You’ll be surprised how much you do in a week. I’m always surprised by the amount of things I have to tell Lilian when we haven’t talked for a week, mostly because I forget, and the automatic response is, “Nothing much, just been working and going to uni”. The thing is, those things I want to tell pop up much later on.

Speaking of Lilian, she’s an example of a friend who I have so much in common with, but as we’ve grown older (we became friends when we were eleven years old!), we have realised that we are completely different people. We always made a point of being “twins” (she’s a day younger than me), and liking the same books, music and movies, but now that doesn’t really apply anymore. And still, that makes for interesting conversation.

While we all know you mirror the actions and behaviour of someone you like, or even start to like things that they like, and do things that they do (skateboarding just to impress that boy in high school sound familiar?), this past week I’ve been wondering if research has ever been done, or considered, to determine whether people’s emotions and feelings are mirrored too. It would involve a complex process, I’d imagine – but we can easily count the moments when we think, “Hey! Great minds think alike!”

It’s mirroring without knowing, isn’t it? Often it isn’t until the phrase comes out that you realise you’ve said exactly the same thing as your best friend.

But really, I was thinking that it all boils down to those silly thoughts we have when the other person is not around: I still love him. Does he love me too? I want to go and have dinner with Dave. I wonder if he wants to have dinner with me.

I miss James. Does he miss me too?

Which leads me to keep wondering, when do I miss people? When is it okay to miss people? More importantly, when is it okay to tell people I miss them without sounding so lonely and desperate? Is that even possible? Yes, it is, and I know it is, because I have never judged anyone for saying that they miss me. It pulls heartstrings when someone says they miss me. Yet sometimes it’s one of the hardest things to admit.

Or is it?

Sometimes people suddenly spring to mind, and I realise I haven’t talked to them in over a year, and I miss them. Johnny and Fern, for example. When I think about it, it’s incredible that somehow, we still managed to keep in touch. Fern sent me postcards. I texted Johnny every now and then. It’s much easier with recent technology, but when Fern was all the way in Chile, I couldn’t contact him so easily. We had a lot to talk about when we caught up last week. But I’ll be honest, I didn’t think about them as much as I do other people.

For a brief period of time last year, I missed my cousin Ricky almost immediately after I left. Maybe because we hadn’t seen each other in five years, and knew it would be a while since we would see each other again.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve missed people like Andrew, Daniel and Rachel. Is it because we don’t see each other in person, and we’re in different countries, so our only connection is through the internet because even though we text each other we don’t want to explode our phone bills? Is it because timezones are such a bother? Is it because shit’s just the wrong way around and it’s night here, and morning there, and we have this to do, that to do, and we just aren’t physically close?

As much as I like to blame timezones, I think we just miss people differently. We’re often reminded of things, or we just don’t often get to interact with that person. I don’t really think it has anything to do with how long you’ve known the person, or how you keep in touch. It’s almost erratic. It just happens. We miss people when we miss them. It’s like there’s a flashing touchlight on our shoulder begging to be touched, and pressed, and it’s open for anyone to press – maybe the ghost of the person you’re going to miss. It’s time to miss me. You miss me.

I like to think that when you miss someone, it’s like that ghost pressing that button, sending you a message from that someone, telling you, “hey, you need to miss me… because I miss you too.”

Comments on this post

I’m so gonna vote you, Georgie! I’ve favourited your blog on my browser and yes, (although I seldom forgot to comment on your blog) I’ve commented a lot on most of your posts, right? If not then it’s okay. Hahaha.

What an achievement! I haven’t tried to jog until 5km, the far as I can is 3km (or else I am too lazy to jog, or horizontal jogging on the bed? Hahaha). I ever tried to but then I failed (as I need to face my asthma all along the way).

Aw, I feel you. As you tried to miss someone, but you try to express it without sounding so desperate like “OMG I miss you! For how long we haven’t met” and bla bla bla. Hahahaha, for me, it’s a good habit to miss people as we always remember them, although we’ve been separated with them for a long time, but sometimes it can be a bad habit. It leads to depression.

And one thing, I moved Georgie! Mind visiting ? I like a short and classy domain, Biwang means a lot to me, as it has become my nicknames since I born. /eee

It’s usually dark at 6 am here, too! The sun doesn’t come up until around 6:45 or so. Source: a few months’ worth of all-nighters in the last 3 years. Of course, I use that time to mean “go to bed” instead of “go for a run”. I’m such a bad boy XD

Fortunately, I’m not at all unfamiliar with the concept of mirroring actions and behaviour. I find it quite fascinating nevertheless! It looks like there’s been research on the topic of mirroring emotions as well. You know how, when you empathise with somebody you care about, you start to feel the same way that they do? Apparently there’s a name for it: emotional contagion. I’d think that it’s related to emotional attachment as well, which as I’m sure you know happens to me all the time! I may usually have a hard time figuring out how somebody is feeling unless they tell me directly, but once it’s made known to me I’ll start to feel really strongly — and I’ll admit sometimes unhealthily so — for them.

As for telling your friends you miss them, personally I do it fairly often myself, although I do try not to tell the same person the same thing all the time. Like, I know I tell you I miss you a lot, but it’s not like I do it literally all the time, do I? XD And of course, I don’t judge you for missing me either. Why would I anyway? /hehe Just like you, it pulls at my heartstrings, in a good way ♥

Thanks for explaining the last part on Skype too, by the way! You know how bad I am with figurative speech at times /um

Last but not least, thanks so much for the mention — I miss you too, Georgie! ♥ I really hope you’ll come to Singapore soon, although I know it’s probably going to be a long wait no matter how much I long for otherwise :3

LOVE this and I am quoting you :

“I like to think that when you miss someone, it’s like that ghost pressing that button, sending you a message from that someone, telling you, “hey, you need to miss me… because I miss you too.”

:-D I agree to a certain extent this may be the case like when you are wide awake at 3 am they say it is because someone is dreaming about you. It’s a soothing thought … and one I would like to think someone was missing me. ♥ ♥

I said you were getting my vote and it still stands so I best do this now while I am on the ball. /heart

As you know, I’ve already voted for you. :p

Yay for running! I used to be able to, but my knee plus my other health issues get in the way. :x

The mirror effect reminds me a lot of the Marriage Mirror a pastor named Ed Young brought up in a church I attended when I lived with my dad a few times. The idea was that you see in your spouse what you have in you, and the same for your spouse. Then he went on to talk about how the couple grows more alike, and they possibly even think the same. Too bad it doesn’t say anything about emotions. :x

I like the very last line of this post, though.

I voted for your blog. Good luck! ♥

That is really wonderful that you have been able to run so far and that you are obviously getting a lot fitter and healthier. It would be nice to run or even walk at that time. So many bird waking up and chattering away. :)

I miss a lot of different people all the time and I never feel silly to tell them that I do. Sometimes I feel bad that maybe I haven’t been in contact with them enough, but they always have a special place in my heart and sometimes I still care about them so much, I forget that you have to also speak to them too… which sounds weird haha.