If you have been on YouTube, or if you’re a regular internet surfer, chances are you’ve seen tap dancing seagull. If you haven’t, feast your eyes on a minute of what went viral several years ago, including being featured on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Funny or Die, and The Daily Mail.

Earlier this year I started working at Freelancer.com, which was where I met Blake, the person who filmed and uploaded this video, which has over 1.5 million views. Naturally, I invited Blake to participate in 2 minutes and 40 seconds to find out just a tiny bit more about him and his secret little life. He believes his answers are rather dry, but I’ll leave that for you to judge.

So… tap dancing seagull. I know I’m supposed to be asking random, out-of-left-field questions, but what was your initial reaction when that video went viral?

“Oh, it worked,” was my initial reaction – it was pure chance that I filmed it, but I knew it had the potential to go viral. I was with a friend at the time the footage was captured, and he even filmed me filming the seagull for the inevitable reddit follow-up video. (I asked him not to upload that one though because he took it as a vertical video like a noob, and people get really upset about that.) Anyway, I actually posted the video to reddit twice; the first time I posted it was unsuccessful, but I did some research before the second post and it worked. I’m still surprised at HOW big it got, however.

A bear is running after you. What does it want?

To eat and/or maul me – a bear would probably only chase me if it’s protecting something, or maybe if it’s hungry.

Would you rather sleep in a box of Weet-Bix or in a box of marshmallows?

A box of marshmallows because it’s softer… WeetBix would be noisy too! How is this even a question??

Someone offers you a thousand dollars to do one of the following: walk on hot coals; walk on glass; walk on the ocean. Which one do you choose? (Let’s assume you actually can walk on the ocean, but once you do, you can never return to land.)

Well you didn’t say the glass was broken, so I’d casually walk over the piece of glass and pocket my well earned $1k. If it WAS broken glass and I wasn’t such a smartass, I’d probably take the coals, broken glass is terrifying. Never being able to walk on land again is just out of the question. The whole world is on land.

What is your favourite mode of transport, if flying octopi existed and pterodactyls were not extinct?

Sydney Light Rail.

You have to build a house but all you have is a box of cereal called “Hunny Nails”, a box of nails, and a train. What do you do?

I eat the Hunny Nails, keep the box of nails for a time when I need them, and use the train as shelter. Like… you gave me a train? That’s certainly a usable house.

Chocolate or cheese?

Chocolate, white chocolate.

Oranges or grapes?

Grapes, but it was a hard decision. I really love oranges too. But just as a standalone fruit – I have strong opinions about where citrus appears in my food otherwise. My rule of thumb is don’t use citrus as an ingredient.

Sneakers or boots?

Sneakers, although no one calls them sneakers here! They’re joggers or runners.

Buses or trains?

The transportation theme is strong today. Trains because they’re faster, and much easier to stand and ride on. Have you ever bus surfed? It’s crazy. On a train there’s a slight bump and you might stumble slightly to the nearest handhold. On a bus, a slight bump will send an adult flying into someone next to them, or even worse, behind them – causing everyone to collapse one by one like a child accidentally knocking over their set of dominos.

Favourite sport?

Squash. It’s like tennis but with more strategy because of the wall feature. Also more high impact.

Favourite thing to do when it’s raining?

Stay indoors and play video games. Fact: even when it’s not raining this is pretty high up on my list. I never understood people who loved rain and want to just run out in it or whatever. It’s goddamn cold and wet, go inside before you get sick.

The colour you wish your vomit was?

Uh, normal colour I guess. Vomiting is something you don’t want to be any more unusual than it already is.

When was the last time you vomited?

Like, year 10 I think? I’ve come close from bad food more recently but uh, yeah, like to keep it to a minimum.

Have you ever broken a bone?

No.

First thing you would buy with the thousand dollars you got earlier?

I’d probably invest or bank it honestly. If I *had* to spend it, I guess I’d use it to fund components for a new gaming PC.

Famous person you’d love to shoot (with a gun)?

None. There is no famous person who has done anything to me that warrants me shooting them.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say “noob”?

A whiny kid with a high voice who sucks at an online game.

You’re drowning in something edible. What is it?

Cake! I love cake that isn’t sponge cake. And has no citrus in it. There’s a good example of citrus in the wrong place – orange and poppy seed cake. Nope, hate that stuff.

Last but certainly not least. What animal would you most love to see tap dancing?

An octopus.