That awkward moment when…

…your “awkward moments” are really not awkward. At all.

This is what I don’t understand. Suddenly it’s the lingo to say “The awkward moment when…”, which is all well and good except when it is followed by something that is not awkward at all, otherwise known as normal. Completely normal. Take the following:

  • That awkward moment when they censor a song on radio.
  • The awkward moment when someone calls you hot.
  • The awkward moment when you wake up and you think it’s Friday but it’s Sunday.

I don’t understand why any of those would be defined as awkward. How is it awkward when a song just has no profanity because it’s been cut out? How is it awkward when someone gives you a compliment? How is it awkward just because you forgot what day it was? I’ll tell you what’s awkward. It’s awkward when you call someone an entirely different name because you thought you were so pro and remembered when you actually didn’t. It’s awkward when you accidentally call your teacher “Mum”.

It’s also awkward when you are giving a lecture and have typed “pubic space” instead of “public space” in your lecture notes (which is what happened to a lecturer of mine last year). That is what I call awkward, and perhaps even mildly funny. Now it’s like people are suddenly trying to find entirely random moments when it would be appropriate to say “that awkward moment when”. It’s not awkward when Justin Bieber has more Twitter followers than Barack Obama… you’re just stating the obvious, honey. And while that may be common now, it doesn’t make sense.

“The awkward moment when you’re upset about someone else’s break up”… look, honestly? It doesn’t have to be awkward if you don’t make it awkward. It might be awkward going on a blind date, but if you keep your cool and don’t gasp in shock at the appearance of your date, and if you are friendly and say hello without flinching, then perhaps it won’t be awkward at all.

I find certain things awkward that perhaps other people wouldn’t, but they aren’t trivial little things like songs being censored on the radio or moments that concern people other than myself. Now really, I don’t like sounding conceited, but I believe that I can only say something is awkward if I have been in that predicament. Yes, I’ve had awkward moments when I’ve turned to my left and started blabbing to someone behind me only to realise my friend is actually standing on my right. Yes, I have asked to purchase something in a shop only to realise I didn’t have enough money to pay for what I was buying, and had to announce to the shopkeeper that I could not currently afford the products with the money on hand.

(But like I said, it doesn’t have to be awkward if you don’t make it so. So in this case, I would apologise, and without announcing how poor I am, explain that I had unfortunately changed my mind and only wished to buy one roll of camera film.)

And yes, I’ve had awkward moments when I’ve typed questionable content into the wrong instant messaging conversation. I was talking to someone about sex, quite frankly, and typing something about the female anatomy to the entirely wrong person was, yes, awkward, given I was talking to this person about something completely unrelated. Like pie. And it is undeniably awkward when you are on webcam with your friend and suddenly the topic changes to, well, yes, sex.

And yes, on the topic of reproduction, it is, of course, awkward, when someone accidentally sends me a rude emoticon because they accidentally typed in its keyboard shortcut, not remembering that it was locked onto an emoticon of two yellow balls going under a blanket. Let’s not discuss this further.

Now you tell me what’s awkward. Voldemort hugging you when really, he hasn’t hugged you at all, or…?

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