Catching up with myself

It’s 10:52pm, I slept at midnight last night, and it was awfully hard dragging myself out of bed this morning when I kept hitting “snooze” on my alarm. I think I am still jetlagged from my trip to Indonesia. I feel really tired even though Indonesia is only three hours behind… My mum hasn’t been feeling too good lately; I think her typhoid-like condition is getting more serious. She’s been needing to visit the doctor over and over because of recurring symptoms. :(

I remember not wanting to go to Indonesia and dreading the trip, thinking I was going to hate it. I remember last time, when I went in 2007, I secretly cried on the way home because I was just sad to leave and sad to go, but hey, I was a seventeen-year-old with no real sense. Maybe I just missed holding Ricky’s hand when we went to sleep, because, I don’t know, I was probably lonely. Every time I go to Indonesia I get mildly homesick. This time my brother Brandon was getting so angsty by the time there were five days left of our trip. He was extremely moody and he kept openly saying he was homesick. I think he just missed his girlfriend. (You should have seen the huge Hello Kitty doll he got her.) He’s never usually been homesick, maybe because he was much younger back then, and he just went with the flow.

Like me though – I realised that this time, I looked at it from a much more mature perspective. Sure, I got moody and pissy at times and probably yelled a little too often, but I probably didn’t miss my friends back at home too much. I still kept in touch with James, and I still tweeted a whole lot. It’s not like I really was gone.

But still, now that I’m back home, I feel like a part of me is empty. It feels dull, it feels like I left it behind.

I left my bread in San Francisco. LOL sorry, tangent. XD I just remember that line from Home Alone 3 when someone says something about leaving something behind.


Instead of feeling lonely while I was there, now I feel lonely back at home. I finally get to see James tomorrow, I haven’t seen him for a whole month. There will be a lot of catching up to do. And hugging. /eee It’s hard to believe that last time I went to Indonesia, we were almost together, but we were such good friends. When I think about young love, well, it’s sweet. When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to picture them not being in your life. I don’t mean that in a silly way. I mean that in a sincere way. They are such a part of your daily life that you don’t quite know where you’d be at if they weren’t there.

I send James a message nearly every morning, or he does the same. If none of us says anything, it’s almost like something is missing from my daily life. I’m not going to collapse and die if I don’t see James, but if I don’t hear from him or even get to talk to him – if I didn’t have him as my best friend, I can’t imagine what it would be like. At work, I would probably just eat lunch in the office most days. I’d go to the shops alone, or not go at all. It’s hard to explain a thing like love. Like really freaking hard. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but it truly is hard to imagine life without someone you love.

It doesn’t matter who that person is. Your mum, dad, brother, sister, best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, cousin, grandma, grandpa… The people you love have a place in your life, a place you give to them because they mean a lot to you. When you even try to imagine them being away, you’re left with gaps where they used to be.

I miss Ricky a great deal, because he’s the cousin closest to my age and I guess because I’m closest to him. I hate playing favourites, but he’s my favourite. :P We’ve been talking about the possibility of him visiting us here in Sydney in the next year, and even undertaking postgraduate study here in a number of years. The only time my whole family can really take him around to do tourist-y things is December, around Christmas time. We won’t be occupied with school or work, and that is usually when everyone has long holidays.

The problem is, Indonesia’s school year begins around this time – similar to the USA. Ricky will only have two weeks to bumble around here, but I did try to convince him it was well more than enough. To be honest, I don’t have much on my list yet, but I’ve already put dibs on taking him to the zoo, aquarium, and to a bunch of music shows. He’s not that into music, and when that happens with one of my friends… I make a severe effort to drag them to gigs and get them to listen to some new tunes or introduce them to some new music. :) I also want to show him all the good food and restaurants. /cool I’m really hoping he can come in December, then at least he’ll know what it’s like here, and hopefully if he likes it, he’ll want to study here later on. ;)

I keep forgetting he’s a couple of years younger than me. And my brother, nearly 17. Those two have such ambition. When I was 17 I had no idea what I wanted to do as a career, no idea at all. /blush I know my brother has this little scope of things he wants to do in the field of psychology and human interaction, and Ricky is considering studying here so he can work here as a software engineer (or something in that field). HELLO. When I was seventeen I think I didn’t even know what I wanted to study in university, thank you very much! /argh

Well, we grow up at different rates, some faster than others. Twenty-one is still young, right?

Comments on this post

You said this was a shit blog but I thought it was nice! Sentimental and that. :)

I disagree with the idea that homesickness is avoided with a more mature perspective. I think we all get homesick (or can) and it’s totally independent from our age. The maturity probably just comes into play in terms of how you handle it. For example, Brandon wasn’t being all that mature when he complained openly about being homesick.

Dude, I missed you so much even though we still tweeted and emailed back and forth on most days. I guess I missed chatting with you every day and always having someone to go to (and to hear back from very quickly) when I had ~issues~. It doesn’t help that I met Caspar while you were gone. xD

You are so right about not being able to imagine your life without a person when you love that person. When Jimmy and I were at our best, there was one night where I was lying in bed and I actually started crying thinking about what would happen if Jimmy died. Another time, I cried at the thought of Lucy going to a uni across the country from me. That was when she and I were still close, obviously. :P

Two weeks seems like enough time to show Ricky around! I’ve never visited anywhere more than a week and it’s always been sufficient. Well I went to Israel for a month, I suppose, but I saw the whole damn country. :P

I’m sorry I read your whole blog post but all I have to say is lol, Home Alone 3.

I agree. 21 is still really young. :)

I kind of new what I wanted to do when I was 17, I thought it would be computer science but since I’ve grown up a little I’ve decide don either a pet boarding business and or having hostwish as my main business but Hostwish has to get bigger before I can do anything with it. Even if it doesn’t, I want to keep it as a hobby.

I know how you feel about your cousin. I have a cousin that is a year older than me and I recently go the xbox 360 (last xmas) just so I could play Modern Warfare 3 with him but before that we would barely speak and at first I would miss him but once I got used to it, it would go away. Like the saying out of sight out of mind. (really works for me. hahahah)

Now I speak to him almost daily and I am about to see him in another 2 weeks so I am so excited. We are going to the beach at Hilton Head, SC for the first time in 5-6 years. I’ve missed it oh so much. I would have always got stung my jelly fish every time I go but I’m so used to it by now that I just walk out of the stingers until my ‘rents are ready with the pickle juice and everything (as salt water helps the stinging) and then I go inside and they make it feel better with their pickle juice, old credit card, shaving cream and other stuff. It smells but who cares? lol
I used to freak out about jelly fish stings cuz they hurt but now it barely fazes me. XD Last time I got stung, it took me nearly 30 seconds of the stinging for me to realize what was going on because I could barely feel it. XD

I’ve never actually seen home alone 1 2 or 3. They aren’t really movies I would watch. lol

It would have been nice if you could’ve taken time off before going back to work after you got back from your trip. Of course you would be jet-lagged. I’m always car-lagged when I get home from or trips & that is only a 1 hour difference but a 12-13 hour drive. It is just draining.

Sounds like you are going to have a blast if your cousin can visit you in Sydney. I know it is always really fun when my cousins come down to visit. I hope he can come. :)

I know. I can’t imagine a life without my husband since he’s also my best friend. When I try to imagine that he’s not around it hurts and sometimes I’m afraid of a future without him.

I guess even going out for the day can make people feel homesick – it’s seemingly just one of those natural things that you can’t escape. O_O It definitely sounds as though Brandon missed his girlfriend, going on what you’ve said – you wouldn’t go as far as a giant doll in any other situation. And I definitely say 21 is young – throughout the 20s is young – don’t worry ;)

I really like this layout – especially the background colour and font choices! (H)

Your brother is so adorable all wanting to go back home and buying his girlfriend a Hello Kitty thing and whatnot. :P That’s adorable. xD

Personally, I think 21 is young for most, but it feels really old… Maybe it’s because of all of the stress I’ve had? P: It’s really cool how you two are really close and whatnot; I used to be pretty close with my cousin on my dad’s side, Bri, AND my cousin on my mom’s side, Shane, but people grow apart. It’s nice that you two are still really close, really. I miss being close to my cousins, especially right now. I used to be able to tell them everything, and it’s just… really frustrating/aggravating how everything keeps changing so fast and all of a sudden there are sides, and one cousin is being so hypocritical. I suppose that, in a way, I’m a tad bit jealous that you have a nice relationship with the cousin you’re closest to in age (but not really in a bad way).

Dear Georgie!!!! /love

I know how you feel. Simone is on vacation with his family, he’ll be away for two weeks (one more week to go) and I miss him so badly. He’s my strength, his hugs and kisses help me fight anxiety and depression, and everything’s so much harder without him. :( But he’s still there, with his SMS’s and his phone calls, his photos and his voice cuddles. I just miss his hugs, his physical presence.

With my family it happens less often. Usually I start missing them after 3-4 days. Guess it’s normal as I become more and more independent. But I still miss them when I’m away. Especially my sister and my father.

Oh my, Georgie! :) Twenty-one is still young, yes!!!
(If it can help, I’m 27 and I still feel young ^^)

P.S. As usual, I plug in one of my recent posts from one of my gazillion blogs. /um I need to write more on the Robocity blog.

I get so damn moody when I go on holiday with my parents especially to China. They just stress me out, and my extended family over there stress me out even more!

I felt really empty when I came back from Hong Kong last year. I felt homesick and missed Hong Kong a lot. I still miss it a lot now.

I can’t imagine life without my boyfriend either. Before we moved in together we spoke at least once a day. Mostly in the evenings after work. We only saw each other once a week or sometimes only twice a month. I can’t possibility imagine life without him everyday, without seeing him in our flat everyday.

ahhh jetlag sucks :( it takes a few days to shake off so i wish you the best on that! and i hope your mom feels better! she should definitely go to the doctor!

it’s normal to feel lonely after a month long vacation. i’m sure seeing your bf will cure that! ;)

yep yep, we all grow at different paces. life is scary, isn’t it? you can have it all thought out, what you want to major in uni and all…but there’s a chance things won’t go the way you plan them to. i know i entered uni determined to study and become either a Speech-Language Pathologist or an Audiologist (the major is SLP & Audiology so I could go into either one) but now that I’ll be applying to grad school next semester, it’s all so scary because it’s so competitive and you need a master’s degree or a phd to pursue a career in either…and if i don’t make it….SIGH @_@

Hm, homesick, eh. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced this. Sure, I’m not an outgoing person but when I went to Bali with my friends last year right after we all graduated high school, all I could think was Bali and all the fun – I didn’t miss my parents or home, at all. It was a surprise for my parents since they have this thought that what if I leave the house and say, go live overseas…they think I might not even remember their names anymore, lol.
Aw, you and James…both of you are really sweet,you know that? Haha. All flowers and lovey-dovey XD I’ve stopped thinking about young love and all those jazz, haha. Getting tired over it.
Nonetheless, I do understand your message. It’s difficult when someone you dear so much just…bailed and walked out of your life like that – something that just happened to me recently, sadly.

I’m going to be seventeen next month and yet I don’t even know what I’m going to do with my future. Sure, I have ambition of wanting to work as this, this, or that and I’ve chosen my university major and all those but yea, in the end, I still don’t know if all that are going to stay as dreams or end up getting fulfilled. :P Even so, I admire you since you already have a job. It’s kinda surprising to know that during 17, you didn’t know what to take for university but eh ….you’re working now and I think it’s just a wow.

Well thats understandable jetlag now! If you wake up at 8AM you feel like you’re waking up at 5! When I got back from LA which is 3 hours behind, I felt the same way. It’s kinda inconvenient but should be easy to get over. Oh noes I hope your mom will be okay soon. It sounds like Brandon and your dad are right?

I don’t think it’s because you’re more mature you’re not homesick. The way Brandon was immature is being moody. My brother Arron secretly told me that when he was visiting us last, last Christmas, he really just wanted to go home because he hates it here. And back then he was 25. He didn’t say a word and just acted polite.

I kind of feel dull after my trip to Korea. I think it’s vacation withdrawal? haha.

I sometimes find it hard to think of someone I love because none of them seem to be in my daily life.

Two weeks is a fair amount of time! I was in Korea for two weeks last year and I did a lot of stuff, just not a lot of touristy stuff. It’s a good idea for Ricky to visit first then decide to study! My cousin didn’t do that and it was fine, but I still think visiting is a good idea.

I’m 20 and I don’t know what I wanted to do, until recently I decided to go back to one of my childhood dreams and become a teacher!

awww… you make me want to go visit Indonesia again~ My dad told me that my grandmother would love to go back to her hometown again, so I shall do some savings so that I can follow her when the time comes. I’m not the type who can easily feel attached to certain place, except home XD but the thing is, when I’m home, I feel like i want to stay back in Johore and not going home and when i’m here, i really miss my home. it’s complicated.

kids nowadays are even more ambitious than us. at the early age, they already have their own real ambition, and they have started planning on it since then. I remembered when i was 10, i don’t even know how important it is to have ambition and i often feel irritated when people keep asking me what is my ambition. I hope Ricky will achieve his dream one day.. have a great saturday! XD



I hope Ricky comes over! hahuiii :B

Haha, homesick Brandon. hrjjjj
but you had fun! :3 and I’m sure he did too, although he won’t admit it. Nurgle


Welcome back my dear :) I am glad you enjoyed it this time. ♥ I hope your Mum feels better soon and your cousin gets to come here to study.

Awwwww @ your brother. Young love. 💥

A while back, my boyfriend randomly asked me while we were talking about finding people outside of school to date, “What would you do if we broke up?” And the only answer I could think of was “I’d probably be single for a while, but my office building has lots of single grad students that I can hit on.” But really, I couldn’t imagine a life without him right now, even though I had a life without him before.

I hope that you enjoyed your time with James! I’m sure that he loved seeing his Wuggs again!

I find that for life, all we can do is go with the flow. Some people never know what they want to do for a career path, even after they’ve “chosen” a field of study at university. Some, like me, thought they knew exactly what they want to do at the age of 5, and changed it many times, only to change it one last time at university. I guess that you’re one of the lucky ones: You love your job, your job came from your hobbies, you’re doing very well, and you make the most of your life. :D

I’ve casually been creeping your blog for the past 2 months.

Hi, though. /ehe

I forgot how much fun it was to read others blogs. Idk why I stopped reading blogs after I quit. I think I just had to get away from errythang blog-related for a while. I’ve been trying to stalk down blogs I used to follow religiously, most of them closed. :( BUT NOT YOU, NAH UH.

I hope your momma feels better, sounds like a scary condition. I see that you have lots of sad feels. That’s my grammatically incorrect way of saying ‘feeling sad’. In case you’re like ‘why can’t she speak english’.

I’m sorry to hear that though. This blog was so heartfelt. Don’t feel lonely, you have lots of people that luh you. Not only in your home country, but internationally. Winning. James being a big part of that luh, obviously. You’re lucky to have found such a great and strong love with him. I don’t really know what love feels like, but you made it sound hella awesome.

LOL. I totes have a fave cousin too. Shh. Here’s hoping that Ricky chooses to study there eh. It’ll be fun times.

21 is old. like ancient. *sarcasm*

i hope your mom gets better or atleast gets it under control. i hate it when a loved one is sick and we cant do anything to make them better.
i get homesick just from being away for 3 weeks lol, no matter what your age is i think you get homesick it might be longer or shorter than most people.
its so cute that you and james are so inlove and so close with each other ♥ , i hope i find someone like that who will be my best friend as well.
two weeks is a long time to show someone touristy spots, you must definitely introduce him to new tunes. i love listening to new music even though my heart still belongs to pop music i still like to listen to all types of music.
i know a few people that still dont know what to do after studying two career courses at university. you and i have something in common, our carreer choice came from our hobby /eee