Just recently I was listening to the audiobook Phosphorescence by Julia Baird. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the book mainly because the title, byline, and blurb felt a bit misleading for what the content of the book actually was. It felt like it was going to be a self-help book about an interesting phenomenon that we might not have thought about before, or give a fresh perspective on daily life. However, it turned into more of a memoir, recounting some of the author’s most memorable life experiences. There was nothing wrong with those, but the book served more as a reminder to stop and smell the roses, without too much inspiration in sight. I enjoyed that the author—who is Australian—also narrated the audiobook, because there are so many audiobooks read by narrators with a U.S. accent, that I like to hear an Australian accent once in a while. I didn’t get a lot of takeaways from the book but the main one I got was the phenomenon of freudefreude.

Many people will be familiar with schadenfreude—“pleasure at other people’s pain”. This could refer to a pretty simplistic scenario like someone falling down the stairs (it has happened to me and resulted in a serious injury) or it could refer to something really sadistic like losing your family and belongings in a house fire. The opposite of schadenfreude is talked about less—freudefreude. If I were to describe it, it would be experiencing joy at other people’s success, pleasure, and happiness.

I brought this up in a conversation with Mitch because not only did he mention borrowing the book at some point, but he shared a photo of him with his partner in their courtyard, and the photo just radiated joy. For me, my reaction came out in text as, “Oh my god, I’m a fan, holy shit, I’m obsessed”, and finally, “I’m so jealous of your courtyard”. I realised that the latter was not accurate of the way I was actually feeling. We throw the word “jealous” around like a far more positive word nowadays—which I suppose is a good thing—but surely there is a better way to articulate our feelings?

I have definitely experienced freudefreude. I think it’s common in healthy friendships where you are cheering the other person on, being their “hype person” or “biggest fan”, always being in their corner, and even living vicariously through their experiences. I can name a few friendships where I have just always been in awe of the other person and always found them inspiring, not necessarily hoping to be like them, but feeling like they deserve their happiness. When things go right for them, I’m genuinely so happy for them. From day one, I wish them happiness. I feel like that is a true hallmark of healthy friendship—wishing someone well, no matter what. I don’t think these friendships are easy to find because I have been in friendships myself where there was always a subtle competition between us. One of us was always trying to one-up the other at any given time. There would be real, uncomfortable jealousy with the other person’s success and what they had achieved in life, and sometimes this jealousy wasn’t apparent until much later on. This was honestly unhealthy.

Now that I’m aware that there is a term that describes a really positive feeling, I hope to notice it in my friendships, or even identify opportunities to express and encourage those feelings.

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Last night I saw the band The Maine. I didn’t realise until recently—despite being a fan for a while—that they are from Phoenix, and I’d literally just visited there. “Not that much of a fan, are you?” some gatekeeper-like folk might say. Hush. Don’t gatekeep music. If someone loves an artist, they don’t have follow them around to every gig they do; they don’t have to know the lyrics to every single one of their songs; they don’t have to know all of their goddamn b-sides. This is something I learned by way of previously being a gatekeeping asshole myself. My distinct example is having listened to Kings of Leon before their smash hit Sex on Fire, claiming “I knew them before they were cool”. I now use the “knew them before they were cool” phrase sparingly, and only as a joke. I think gatekeeping can really ruin the fun.

Anyway, I thought it was a fantastic coincidence that one of my coworkers from the U.S.—whom I lead an employee resource group with—was also a huge fan of The Maine. We found out accidentally on a call when she asked how my holiday was, and mentioned that she hadn’t been to Phoenix but would be going early next year for a festival, which is none other than The Maine’s 8123 festival. She was excited to know that I not only knew the band (not many people she had spoken to were even aware of the band), but was a fan and would be going to their concert in Sydney this week. ✨

The set was about an hour and twenty minutes, but it felt like it went by so quickly. 🥹 There were a couple of hits I wanted them to play but that they didn’t play, like Bad Behavior and Into Your Arms, but I think the latter has been dropped from the setlist for a damn while. I was thrilled when they sang a little bit of Whoever She Is, and was definitely happy to hear Don’t Come Down, Am I Pretty?, Dirty, Pretty, Beautiful and of course a few hits from their self-titled album from 2023.

I feel like if there is any band who seems to have a back catalogue that I always miss hits from when I hear them play live, it’s probably The Maine. There are other bands whose sets I am satisfied with by the end, and I don’t know if that speaks to: 1) the length of their sets covering almost “all their good songs”, 2) a shorter discography, or 3) having less “good songs” overall. If I’m honest, I don’t totally love every single song or album by The Maine, but they have nine albums, and that’s kind of a lot. Weezer has frickin’ 15, and Smashing Pumpkins has 13, but although I love both of those bands, I’m more willing to admit that Smashing Pumpkins has a lot of not-great filler albums as compared to Weezer, even though I’m pretty sure Weezer has more “only ok” albums than the Pumpkins. Maybe it’s because I don’t idolise Billy Corgan (of the Smashing Pumpkins) anymore and I find his whole wrestling endeavours to be a joke, but Rivers Cuomo (of Weezer) will always be a cute nerd. Meanwhile, my attitude towards The Maine remains “millennials just like me who are chill and emo at the same time”, and is relatively neutral, so that might be saying something.

Point being: The Maine was great, beautiful, and they left me wanting more. 🤌🏻💞 My love for them is renewed.