You should be medicated, baby

Yesterday I went to the Brain Dynamics Centre to take part in a depression study. My depression was found to be significant enough to warrant medical attention. I have previously gone to a psychologist and talked to people and found that my self harming tendencies had ceased. I have, however, always been moody, irritable, short-tempered and easily annoyed.

Taking part in this study was my own personal choice even though I was very nervous about it. I have recently lost interest in things I love doing and also found my mood swings to be ridiculous, also finding that sometimes I like to literally sit there and do nothing. I also found that I was unhappy for no reason at all. Hoping I could help myself and help in the fight against depression, I agreed to take part in the study.

Part of the study was a lot of questions, blood and urine samples taken, tests including a cognitive brain test as well as an EEG. An EEG is an electroencephalogram, which measures activity in the brain. This was done while I completed some exercises.

The doctors working with me were so cooperative and friendly. One of them reminds me of River Song from Doctor Who because she has the same last name. Doctor Song! ☺️ But they were really very kind and didn’t judge me at all. Of course they were surprised to hear that I had high cholesterol.

Which, by the way, didn’t go down by very much. I ate like a freak. I ate so many vegetables and fruit every day and my cholesterol only lowered to 6.8 (from 7.3 – and 5.5 is about the recommended). I was so shocked. I thought that since I didn’t get a call, it was okay. I guess since there was at least a decrease in the levels, they thought it fine. I’m still disappointed with that outcome…

Anyway, I have never properly been diagnosed with depression before now. Of course I had to reveal a bit about my self harming past in the process but I’m glad I can talk about it comfortably and honestly. As part of the study and for my own well-being I was recommended to take medication. Just like my mother I have been a bit skeptical about medication for anything so I made sure I asked all the questions I could. I’ve always been a girl for natural things and I hate taking even painkillers when I have a bit of pain. My mum was really very worried and I had to keep convincing her, after my own thought, that I really wanted to take this step and really wanted to fix myself up.

We got into some arguments and tiffs but after heated discussion she decided that she’d let me give it a go. I think that what my GP said eased her up a bit. She’s just worried about me, I know. The reason I chose to go for the medication is because after talking to this specialist doctor who is working in the study, I realise a lot of my problems – irritability, mood swings, loss of appetite, constipation problems, loss of motivation and interest in activities – are all most likely caused by my depression. I hope that the anti depressants I’m taking will help stabilise the chemicals in my brain… because I was not always aware that you can only go so long fighting on your own. I want to thank Kate for all her support the past day and a half and for helping me make the right decision. Love you girly. 🌹

I really hope that these anti depressants will help me deal with situations better and feel better overall. I remember Andrew asking me a month ago if I remember the last time I was really truly happy… and I couldn’t. I couldn’t remember and it made me upset.

I hope I’ve made the right decision. I will be monitored and called up regularly by the study doctors to see that I’m doing alright and in the end it is also my decision if I choose to stop. I won’t see effects until after four weeks but I hope it works out for me. And at the end of it I’ll see results after a follow-up at the clinic with another set of tests.

I’m already experiencing a bit of the common side effects of starting the medication… bit dizzy and light-headed and a bit nauseous too. I’m also tired as heck, but that’s probably because I didn’t sleep enough last night. I should head off to bed now.

Thank you everyone for your support. ♥️

Comments on this post

I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling that way 😞 It’s weird how those types of feelings can just sneak up on you and you just kind of… deal with them. But then before you know it, they just become too much!

I’m glad your mom finally agreed to letting you go for the testing! I’m the same way about certain medications; I don’t mind taking things for headaches, colds, etc., but when it comes to medicine that completely alters how your body/mind works, it sort of weirds me out. But as long as you don’t have any terrible side effects, and it actually helps, then it’s definitely worth it!

I really hope the medicine works for you and you start feeling better! ♥️ 🙂 I've debated going to my parents about how I've been feeling for the past… maybe 3 years? But I'm not sure if I'm only feeling that way because I'm a teenager and it's "just a phase" and will go away, or if it's something more serious. Sigh.

Good luck with everything! 😄 You deserve to be truly happy again!

Please pay close attention to any side effects you have on this medicine. When my husband was put on a pill for depression, he quickly went from depressed to losing his inhibitions and becoming suicidal. Thankfully we recognized the problem being the pill quickly enough to get him to stop taking it before something terrible could happen. I wish you all the luck in the world on this medicine, and I hope you have nothing but positive results.

How’s he doing now?

I think you were very brave taking part in the study. I can understand why your mum was so worried about you taking the medication because of the side effects. But it is always best to look at the advantages and if they are going to help then surely that is the best thing. 🙂

I hope the side effects don’t get too bad. I have to take painkillers for my hip pain and the list of side effects is a mile long. Luckily I have managed to avoid feeling them.

During the exam periods at college I start to feel down and I don’t feel like I can be happy. I always look at the negative things in life rather than the positive. I also cry a lot. Fortunately I have a lot of great people in my life who help me to see all the good things in my life. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression myself but both of my parents have been.

Thank you. 🙂 My university application was sent off last week and 2 days later I was offered a place at my favourite university! I’m so excited and it has made me more determined to put the work in.

Let’s pretend like all of this is new information to me. 😉

I still wish I could go to a depression research study so I could get a proper diagnosis, too. I also still wonder if anti-depressants would help me. I told my mom in the car today that you started taking them last night, and she asked how my depression was doing and stuff. I told her I think it’s better, based on how my self-harming and suicidal thoughts have been far less frequent, but I still have motivation problems and that. You know what I mean.

I said “still” a lot in that paragraph. 😛

I think if you just keep at it, your cholesterol levels will continue to fall. Just a little decrease is better than nothing, and, like weight loss, it will happen gradually over time with hard work, but it will happen!

You’d better not experience any major side-effects from the pills. Pills, I’ll come after you if you fuck her up.

:P

Hey!

I think it’s amazing that you’re sharing this with us, and I also think (and hope) that it will help you in the long run, because it means you know you have a loyal crew of friends who are always around, wishing and hoping for the best for you!

I hope things work out with the medication! Side effects are awful, but hopefully they don’t get any worse.. they’re probably just your body getting used to the idea of ingesting a new toxin, and might calm down after a while 🙂

if there’s anything I can do to help, please ask me!

Wow Georgie, I’m surprised you shared all this. Actually when I think about it, I think I would too. I have become a rather depressed and very very easily annoyed type of person in the past 3 years myself. I never really thought about getting an depression testing or whatevr done because I think I do know what the outcome would be. I honestly cant remember when I was happy last but doing all my online stuff does make me calm down a bit. I wouldnt call it being entirely happy…afterall happiness needs to be a forever thing, not just a 5 hour thing or whatever. I remember college days being really good, I cant remember myself sad back then like I am now. I have distanced myself from a lot of people I knew and things I used to do before. Anyway now that I think about it and reading your post Ive become determined to get checked out as well. I would be scared to go on antidepressants though because I know what side effects will come from it. I already take enough pills and have terrible mood swings and tantrums with those =/

I’m glad that you participated in the study – it’s better that you be formally diagnosed and get professional help than go on crying as you do. Personally, I never liked the idea of medication to balance the brain, but for some people, antidepressants work very well. I hope that the treatment goes well for you. The psychologist teaching my psychology class says that the medication usually makes things worse before it makes things better.

You’ve got great people around you who love you. James will give you lots of hugs, I’m sure. Good luck!

I’ve been on anti depressants for over a year. Don’t be surprised if you have to move around to different ones to figure out which ones work. After awhile, I’ve become immune to some of them, and they just stopped working. I’ve also had doses increased multiple times. Right now, I’m taking Zoloft, and buspirone, which helps my anxiety/panic attacks, and boosts the effect of the Zoloft.

I’ve tried counseling, It’s good to talk to someone, but in my experience, it helps at the time. She tried to give me a tips on getting through an episode, but nothing seems to work for me. I was actually watching a program on TV the other day about depression, and they were talking about this kit you could order with DVDs, and people are convinced that it’s changed their life, blah blah blah. It’s crazy what they’re coming out with.

I’ve asked myself a few times, “When is the last time I’ve been truly happy” ? It’s a difficult question to answer, because I can’t remember. I started battling the early stages of depression around the age of 17, it diminished a bit, but it started hitting me harder in my early 20s. Last year, it started getting really bad, I had suicidal thoughts, and I thought ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, yet I still do, and it’s frustrating, because nothing is helping. But, I’m convinced that I’ll get myself through this.

I hate serotonin levels and how they work. Something is in our heads, it’s broke, not working right. 😕

We’re both battling the same thing. I love how we’re Twitter buddies, and we can talk through this together. It’s good to have a friend who you can relate to, especially when you’re going through the same things.

Good luck with the depressionwuggs! :3 I think 19 is a bit high. 😁 😦

If the side effects become too much I’d suggest you start taking something less aggressive. 😰o

👍

Seeing as to how you describe depression, and the aftermath syndrome – easily annoyed, moody, etc – I think I need to go check up on myself too, or something. I’m trying to stop myself from doing stuff like wrist cutting but sometimes, there’s a need to do that. I don’t know, everything’s becoming complicated and retarded.
What you’re experiencing is really, EXACTLY the same thing like what I’m currently experiencing; with all the mood swings – which makes me think I’m really, super bipolar – , being unhappy with everything and no motivation to do anything, even living. However, I bet that if I tell my parents I wanna take this test, they will be all, “Haha! No way! You’re not depressed or crazy or anything! You’re just imagining things, haha how foolish” tsk. Good thing that your mom finally let you do this test. Mine will NEVER approve this; she’ll say it’s stupid, waste of money and so not important. Ah, the cleverness of low-educated people.
Even though I’m not able to help myself, I’m glad that you manage to get your problems sort out. It’s nice to see someone, who reminds me of myself, gets her problems sorted out even though I, myself is struggling with my current condition. Plus, you have great friends and boyfriend to support you… unlike me. Heh.

But anyways, good luck on the ‘therapy’, Georgie! I know you’ll be alright 🙂

Yay for being able to talk about your past self harming comfortably! It is still quite hard for me to do. 😦

I’m going to go to the doctor when I receive the chance (and earn enough money) and talk to my doctor on getting on some anxiety medication. And if I get back into another depressed state of mind, then I am going to talk to her about getting on some antidepressants. I’ve always been really embarrassed about maybe needing either of those, but I know that it will make me myself and a better person (and hopefully more stable) if I get on them as needed. I’m working on turning my life around, and living at Mimi’s again makes my life so much easier and less depressing.

I hope everything turns around and gets better for you. It is really great and truly inspiring that you have taken this step in your life to do this. It takes a lot to admit that you are depressed, and it takes another lot [of courage] to know you need to take (as well as go about where you need to go to get on some) medication for it.

Depression also comes with not getting enough sleep, so make sure you do get enough sleep, Georgie!! You need to be happy, and I know this probably sounds like a cliche now, but it gets better.

And honestly, I wish I was brave enough to blog about how I’m all depressed and whatnot. Maybe that’s why I made icy.rain.nu. Because I feel better about blogging anonymously about my life than blogging publicly. P: But I think it would make me happier if I blogged about my life publicly. It sure feels a hell of a lot better than not blogging about it.

Anyway, I miss you bunches! ♥️

Oy, I’m really, really sorry to hear about your condition, but it’s definitely a good thing to hear that you’re getting help. I’ve always wanted to take part in a study, the tests I see in documentaries look kind of fun most of the time. ><

I don't think I've ever had depression or knew someone with it, so I really wish I can give you some advice. All I know is, depression is a really serious thing. In one of the forums I belong to, someone talked about a having a brother who recently killed himself because of his depression, and all of these people criticized how he can just leave his baby daughter like that. They thought it was very selfish of him–which I beg to differ. Most people don't know that depression is a chemical imbalance. You can have all the riches in the world but can still be diagnosed with depression.

Please continue to take care of yourself and seek help. I hope you get better 🙂

I also hope they’ll help you too (the anti depressants). I don’t know anyone personally who have been diagnosed with depression, but I can get an idea of how it must be like, especially with those commercials they always show on the TV. Not sure if they’re accurate though. I truly hope your depression subsides and maybe disappear once and for all, if that’s possible. Depression is a serious thing and I feel not many people take it as seriously as they should, even people who know someone who has it. Some people think it’s just a phase, something that that person can easily get out of, but obviously that is not the case. Please do get better Georgina!

I think it’s awesome that you can talk about having depression so openly and honestly. I still have problems talking my history of depression and self-injury, especially when I’m not sure what people will think.

It’s good that your giving this medication a try and I really do hope that they’ll help you. If they don’t, don’t be afraid to quit taking them and ask your doctor to prescribe you a different one.

Good luck!