Rain on everything that I know

I don’t know how to describe these days. It’s like I’m stressed, but I’m too busy to notice. Yeah, that’s probably it. For a moment there I reminisced on my old blog posts, the words I used to write when I struggled with depression. I think what some people didn’t pick up from my last blog post is that I used to self-harm when I was in high school, and I was much more miserable and in a worse state than I currently am. It was worse than just scratching, it was bruises and blood.

My blog posts – they were convoluted and deep, much like the blog posts I write at glassfields.net, and every second word was a word that a commoner would ask the definition of, and to be honest I think I underestimated them greatly. I think that I should have loved them a lot more, but after it all I used to just look back on my posts and think, “meh”. As a writer, and as a person of course, I get so critical with my work and I suppose sometimes I say it’s horrid, when if I let myself think about it, it usually isn’t.

Perhaps I want to write deeply again, write things that I could more personally reflect on and see how far I’ve come. I can reflect on what I have now, but then part of me wonders whether there is much depth in what I write, when a lot of it has been stories about what has happened in my life. Maybe it is true that as my audience of writing has changed, so too has my intention: I don’t really write for myself anymore, I write for other people to read.

Regardless, I always said to James that if no one read my blog posts I would still write. And honestly, I would – that’s not to say that you should all scurry away now and watch me prove that though. πŸ™‚

It rained today, and it really crushed my mood. The weather really enjoys toying with my plans. I wanted to go and process some film today at university, but decided to do it another day instead. It’s not urgent. I still had to travel to university for a postgraduate information night, as I’m looking to complete a Masters degree once I finish my Bachelor this year. I had to fill in an extra form for one of the courses I was interested in – I really hope they consider what I wrote and take a look at my resume and portfolio. I have potential, dude. πŸ˜‰ (According to my employer, I do.) They had some refreshments which included some very lovely cheese and crackers…

I think the only disadvantage to doing a Masters program is the times. I may have to quit my job at the education centre since all the classes are on at night. The programs are designed for people working full time. I’m not working full time, which leaves me in a pickle – unless I can work more hours at my new job.

On Monday before work in the afternoon I went to the chemist to use their photo centre. I asked the man at the counter if they would be okay with printing 700 photos. If you want to know why – well, my mum wants to print all the photos worth printing, because we haven’t printed any photos since getting our digital camera in 2005. Despite making backups she is still paranoid that my hard drives will explode and I’ll lose the photos. The man at the counter said 700 was okay, but it would be a two-day wait because their machine was playing up. I figured it was cool, it was the best I could do since I wouldn’t have time later.

He asked if I knew how to use the machine and when I responded in the negative, he said he would be with me in a minute as he dealt with another customer. After I waited for a few minutes he didn’t come, so I decided to work it out myself. It wouldn’t let me print 700 at once – the limit was 400. When I mentioned this to the man he said, “Oh sorry, I forgot about you!”

I asked if there was an easier way to deselect half the photos, instead of tapping each of the photos individually. He said there wasn’t an easier way. I got irritated, because I was already running late and I couldn’t believe there wasn’t an easier way. On top of that I had to pay an extra $2 for matte printing and I hadn’t been aware of this at all.

I phoned my mum and told her I could only print half. She said not to worry and that if I didn’t have time, it was fine.

Today after my dad picked up the photos, my mum said she wasn’t happy that I could only print half. Well, that’s what I told her. I’m not printing at the chemist again. They are silly.

It also turns out that my relatives are staying at my aunt’s place for the time being, and they’ll be with us on Saturday. I’m busy as hell on that day and days after. Well, we’ll see how this goes, I guess.

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