Omniscience

I can’t say I’ve had a very good day.

I don’t know where to begin and I guess I don’t really want to detail it. I never really like expressing problems on my blog… I’ve told people I generally like to keep my blog a happy place and a place for happy thoughts, but sometimes I have the occasional blog where things just go bloody downhill. Yeah… I’m sorry to say this is one of them.

Stuff is going on at home. I hate talking about it. I don’t like talking about it to people. I feel that if I blog about it, people are just going to ignore how I feel and what I wrote, and when it’s something personal, sometimes I feel offended when people ignore what I write.

Yeah, basically, stuff is going on at home, and it clashes with what’s going on in real life. I haven’t been able to talk to my friends properly. I was supposed to go out tomorrow, and see James again, and see Lilian, my best friend who I haven’t seen in a long time, and Dylan, another amazing friend of mine, who I haven’t seen in a year. It’s his birthday on Christmas, and we were supposed to celebrate tomorrow with a picnic, but because of what’s going on at home, I can’t. It’s made me not only upset and disappointed, but pretty angry.

Speaking of Christmas, it is not the most wonderful time of the year as that song states. It’s not. Maybe I only realised that today. I know it’s a great time for families to be together, and maybe friends, but I hardly get that. I’ve said this to a lot of people – growing up, my family was never big on presents. On my birthday and when it was Christmas I learned not to expect anything. I guess that’s why I’m a bit of a sentimental person and value even small pieces of time with others.

There are two things on my wishlist.

  • Time.
  • A better relationship with my mother.

The second thing is the reason why I’m in a horrible, upset mood. It’s all I’ve wanted. For ten years, I’ve never really gotten along with my mother. She doesn’t know that it really tears me up inside that the way I am is not a person she likes. I can be stubborn, obstinate, selfish, careless. Sometimes I wish more people would accept me for who I am. I sometimes don’t give a fuck what people think about me, but deep down, somewhere, I sometimes care. 😞

There have never really been material things on my wishlist. No one can buy me what I want now. I guess I’ve been hoping for more of both. Hope. That’s all.

I had a friend who was Buddhist so he did not celebrate Christmas. I was a bit surprised. I was only about thirteen, so I was naive. I didn’t know. Earlier this week my mum was serving a customer and said, “Merry Christmas” as a farewell. The customer scoffed and said, “Don’t you mean happy holidays?”

Yeah, maybe you don’t celebrate Christmas. But what the fuck are you doing shopping in a store that is having a Christmas sale, then having the nerve to make a comment like that?

I really wish the world would spin in the other direction so that all the stupid people would fall off.

My friends can stay. I’ll superglue their feet to the earth to make sure that they don’t. They’re sneaking to my house to bring the picnic here. 😚

I’m wearing a dress that says, “If friends were flowers, I’d pick a whole bunch like you.”

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