More alone

At the dinner table, I was silent.

I daydream a lot.

If someone were to ask me, “Do you have a vivid imagination?” the answer would be yes. Yes I do. If I try hard enough; if something means a lot to me – I can imagine it. Which is why, two days ago, I shut my eyes, I turned my music up loud, and I pictured myself at the Jebediah show. I was in the crowd. People were jumping up and down and their arms were up in the air. Kevin Mitchell was singing into the microphone and Vanessa was chilling on her bass guitar. The coloured lights went on and off. A glance to the side – people were relaxing at the bar having a chat over drinks. Mostly beers. Security guards were at the front towards the stage watching the crowd, looking bored. For a split second I wondered whether any of them liked Jebediah’s music.

I saw the coloured lights over and over. I moved with the crowd as they played the beginning of Battlesong. It was this amazing warmth that filled my soul – the music was pure, it was incredible. It was loud, but it was beautiful.

“Georgie?”

My vision went white.

Far and away, orbiting each other… I hope you come around…

“Georgie? Is your phone off?”

I pulled my eyes open and shifted my eyes left to right. I was sitting in the car.

I wasn’t there. But I was. In my mind and in my heart, I was. In fact, it’s coming to my head so vividly I actually think it has psychologically affected me. I think I’ve actually brainwashed myself into believing I actually went, by imagining what happened and imagining that I really did see them live. I swear I was actually there. Except when I think too hard, I realise I wasn’t.

I love my imagination.

Earlier today, I was reading Jebediah’s newsletter, since I’m subscribed to them by email. They’re playing at a racecar event next Friday. I want to go. I wouldn’t mind spending the money, and I want to see them even though I don’t have much interest in cars. Boys in high school would talk about cars all the time. I wasn’t interested in the least, but I love learning new things, I like hearing about things I don’t know, so maybe if I at least take a car-savvy friend with me, it won’t be too bad.

Though no one said it was bad going alone. Except when I think about seeing Jebediah at all, I wonder if it’ll be as amazing as it was… was, in my head. They say nothing can ever be as good as your imagination. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t even know if I should go, but… well, I really want to.

Maybe I’ll pretend to like cars. Ugh.

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