Keep Holding On

Lately I have been pretty busy with university work. It’s just been piling up in my freaking face, and often, I find myself getting angry over it. One night last semester, I kept James up until two in the morning because I hadn’t finished my assignment, and I just needed him there.

Sometimes I get that feeling that I need someone there.

As I already said, things are piling in my face. I’ve already tried to tell people that I am no superhuman. I have an offline life, and sometimes, people expect things from me that I cannot give straight away.

I used to be an organised person, but over the past few years, I’ve slowly lost it. Now I’m trying to pull myself back into place but it’s hard when people treat me so terribly. The littlest things hurt me and I am a sensitive person. I am easily annoyed, and easily hurt.

I don’t tell many people this, but I used to have depression. It got to the point where I was slicing my wrists with scissors and falling into a deep hole. I was feeling worthless at the time, and completely upset. Little things upset me, mainly with people I knew, and everything in my little world crashing down on me.

Now I have learned, that nothing is worth cutting myself. Nothing is worth the scars and seeing the blood seep out of the cuts in my skin.

I’ve found friends who can support me, friends who I can talk to, and I have found ways of releasing my anger. I have talked to my friends when I have felt down. I don’t have many friends – but the friends I have are amazing.

But sometimes, you have to do things on your own.

Some years ago, my friends and I were catching the bus to the shops after school, and the postman came by on his bike, putting people’s mail in their letterboxes. The postmen here carry a lot of rubber bands, because they come in handy for bundling the mail.

James likes collecting rubber bands, and often, rubber bands can come in handy.

We asked the kind postman if we could please have a handful. He gave us all so many.

I never really found a use for rubber bands, but sometimes, you need a rubber band, to stretch you beyond your limits.

But humans are like rubber bands. We are flexible and we have emotions that make us move, and make us feel. We can stretch to a limit, but beyond that limit, we cannot take it anymore, and we snap.

Many people are like that, and fall into a pit of depression. We are fragile, and it is our emotions that keep us alive, with feelings, that change. We are happy, and sad. We are angry, and excited. These keep us alive. They keep us going.

While we are flexible and can move around freely and go beyond our limits, we cannot try so hard or so often. If we do, we wear out.

Have you tried stretching a rubber band too much, only to see it loses its elasticity?

We are like that. We can stretch, but if we stretch too much, we tire. We wear out, and we become stressed.

Right now, I feel like I have been stretched too much. But I know, that before I snap, I will find some time to calm down, and talk to my friends to help me. We are all fragile, but we are all strong inside.

Sometimes, you just have to keep holding on.

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