I So Hate Consequences

I’m still trying not to wish death on the nimrod who took my iPhone. We found out that the security footage was pretty accurate and clearly showed what was going on – yeah, that’s about it. At least they’ll probably have a good enough view of the thief, and seeing as the police have that footage they had better do something about it. It’s rare that police even get footage that is accurate… so… while getting my phone back is unlikely, that nimrod can be set on fire.

I don’t know why I feel so passionately about this; James informed me that maybe it isn’t such a great idea to personalise my things because I’d get attached and go insane if I ever lost them. 😚 I think right now I’m going insane because I relied on my phone for a lot of things. I wanted to check up on some appointments, and what the fuck, I don’t have my phone. I wanted to check the lyrics of some song because it’s easier on my iPhone than in iTunes, and what the fuck, I don’t have my phone. 😠

I will totally acknowledge it was my fault for dropping it. If the floor wasn’t carpeted I would have heard it drop. It’s nasty how little things can result in you dealing with the worst consequences. Just because I carried my phone in my pocket… Man, I hate life.

Yet I shouldn’t complain. I posted not too long ago about how some people are worse off than us, not even having a home or family. So I’m lucky it’s just a phone and I didn’t get attacked. 😐

I feel horrible about hating on people. In the past I used to hate certain people a lot. I used to wish death on someone who called me a PSWA – a ‘paedophile slut with AIDS’ – when I didn’t even know who that person was. Often when I had a fight with someone or someone hurt my feelings, I would wish they fell in a hole to their death, or drowned, and other violent things. I would glare at them with every attempt. It was almost like I was wasting my time thinking about how much I hated them, as if I had some kind of pride in it.

I probably did. I probably felt really great to hate someone. I think I had a lot of fun bitching about people. Maybe high school was like that, and there wasn’t really anything you could do about it.

Now I can’t stand hating people. It certainly feels horrid to bitch about someone. It makes me feel like there is some negative fireball inside me, and it doesn’t feel healthy, so to speak. If someone annoys me, I just let them be. I simply can no longer be angry at someone for their actions. And yes, usually the reason I dislike someone is because of their actions or their attitude – not the way they look or their interests… it’s just their actions and things they do.

If I dislike someone I just put it behind me, like walking past a random person in the street. Sometimes I feel like it’s better just to blind myself to the things that rage me. There really is no point in wishing someone was dead. We all die anyway, and I guess that’s a hard fact. And I don’t want to waste my time thinking about how much someone pisses me off.

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