Glass fields

Great. I don’t know why I have to be the person this happens to, but I just broke a lamp. I was trying to take photos for my assignment, which I need to print tomorrow, and now I want to stab someone in the face with the broken lamp because I’m pissed off. It’s not fair… it’s not. I am sick of my mum telling me my relatives are coming – I get the point. She has told me numerous times to help her clean, I’ve been working all week and tonight was pretty much the only free night I had to do this, and now, I break a fucking lamp. I just want to cry. I spent time sweeping up the mess I made and I just didn’t want to do my assignment after that. I don’t want to do it. It’s not fair that I’m the only one in my class who doesn’t know how to use a lot of the equipment in the room or where it is. I’m using my new camera and I just feel like a bloody shit failure trying to do this at home, at night, when it’s fucking dark. Like a n00b amateur.

I have to now find some time to take photos of my work when I’m not feeling completely screwed over. And then somehow I have to find time to print these bad boys. Yeah.

I’ll never get this done, I have to work a lot next week and I have group meetings and classes and other crap… give me a break. Give me a bloody break. Fuck September. Bitch fucking ends today, thank goodness. I hated this month altogether, completely, every single bloody bit of it.

As if a new month really makes a difference. But I guess if there’s anything to look forward to when you’re feeling shit, anything works. I try to be optimistic. October will be better.

In other news, I nearly got stuck in a fire escape yesterday morning before work. It was pretty funny, I guess, if you hear the whole story out.

I missed the elevator, and though I’m only four floors up, I hate taking the elevator. It seems endless, and I really don’t have a fear of it, but often I don’t like being with other people in it especially when they get off at a different level from me. I might be selfish, but it seems like a long wait when I can just take the stairs.

I knew where the stairs were – in the fire escape. I just walked around past a few of the suites in the building on the first level, and found the fire escape. It looked like any old fire escape, so I walked through the door and just kept walking up and up. There were a few windows in the stairwell that actually had a nice view. I realised that I needed to go to the top of the building – I had completely forgotten that my office is on the top floor. I reached the top of the staircase, and reached for the doorhandle.

It was locked.

Great, I thought. I walked back down the stairs and tried the door on each level in turn. I tried two, and when they didn’t work, I started to panic and wonder what I would do if I was stuck in here and no one came to take the stairs. On the way down in a panic, I passed a friendly-looking woman who was making her way up the stairs. I didn’t say anything, just smiled and minded my own business. I was listening to music and I didn’t want to start a conversation.

It was when I hit level one, the door I had come through, when I really started to panic. I ran back up the stairs to see where the woman had gone but just when I thought I’d catch up to her, I heard a door slam. She was gone. She must have had a key.

I ran all the way back down and realised that I was the idiot here. I had known enough about fire escape routes to know that most stairwells do not open from the inside. I slapped myself hard. I had been walking down past level one as I realised this act of idiocy. There were two doors and I thought, if one of these doesn’t get me out, fuck my life.

I tried the first one. SHIT.

I tried the second one and it opened. I don’t care how it opened or if I ended up in another universe. I don’t care how I got out but I got out. Somehow, my head took over and told me I was just at the back of the building.

Fuck that, I am still scared of stairwells.

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