Behold! The Night Mare

I realise how irritable I can be sometimes. I am exceptionally moody, and perhaps moody is a word that doesn’t quite cut it.

I discovered my marks for last semester and I was really upset at the “Pass” I got for that stupid database subject I had with that nasty teacher. I guess I was expecting only a Pass with no extra credits, and it is better than a fail, but after putting in so much effort and feeling this extreme bias from this tutor, I’ve had enough. Frankly, she can get fucked, that’s all I’m saying.

I find that the rain also affects my moods. It’s been raining a lot lately and I’m not sure when it’s going to stop… and I keep forgetting when winter ends. It’s still another month away. I’ve been trying to go for a run every day, but since it started raining, I haven’t been able to, so I’ve been doing really silly things like jogging on the spot or back and forth across the kitchen while listening to music. Rain makes me really lazy.

Last night, for some reason, I couldn’t sleep. It’s pretty rare that I can’t sleep at night. Sometimes there might be a lot on my mind, but I usually sleep it off and decide to worry about it the next morning. Sometimes I’m just plain scared.

When I was five years old, I had a terrible nightmare. In the dream, I was in a dark pond scattered with lilypads. I felt like I was playing hide-and-seek just moving and jumping around, making my way to the edge of the pond with bushes. All of a sudden I saw the feet of a monster – it seemed much like a dinosaur’s feet – and a huge, bouncy red ball bounced right near me and nearly knocked me into the water. I was absolutely terrified. I think I was in the middle of a game of ball between some dinosaurs in this pond. The ball kept just missing me every time it bounced and I tried to run away. Suddenly, I woke up, and I couldn’t go back to sleep and I was scared to move, so I called out for my mum. I started crying and I remember that I went with her to her room because I was scared to sleep alone in my room. I don’t have nightmares a lot, and that’s just one of the ones I remember from when I was younger.

I realised that though shadows scare people, they give me some sort of comfort. I found this out in my Music in Shadows project for photography. I’ve been scared of the dark for as long as I can remember. One of my friends finds the darkness comforting, but pitch black creeps me out more than shadows do. Knowing that there is a presence of light, at all, makes me feel a bit better. I guess that’s why I found that it made me feel less scared when James, Mike and I played shadow puppets in the car that time I forgot my keys and we were just waiting outside my house in the dark…

I’ve done yoga before and there are quite a few techniques that helped me fall asleep or keep calm. One of them was just to listen to your breathing. Some people like to listen to the rain or the wind. I had this application on my old phone that played river music or rain sounds to help you sleep, but it kept draining out the battery. I still think that music by Explosions in the Sky helps me sleep. ☺️

One method I particularly liked involved counting. I used to grab a beaded necklace (in yoga, we were given wooden beads with some incense) and close my eyes, running beads through my fingers, one at a time. I used to think it was silly dreaming of electric sheep or counting backwards or counting forwards.

My new laptop keyboard arrived the other day. A few days after using my laptop for the first time, I was annoyed that I chose a laptop with a shiny surface. The fingerprints came up really quickly because of the smooth, shiny surface. I was happy to find out that this new laptop keyboard has a matte surface, so I shouldn’t get fingerprints on it as easily. I won’t be replacing it yet though, not until my current keyboard actually needs replacing.

I don’t know if anyone remembers my A Letter to a Domain project, but I moved it to letters.georgie.nu and hope to write more soon. 🙂

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