(Almost) Three Years of Love
I was debating on the current title and The Game of Love for this post, but I guess the former won. (I don’t believe that time should ultimately define a relationship, but I like the number three.)
I don’t think that love is a game. There are infinite ways… I guess you could see it as a game, but it’s a game that people all win in the end, because you’re loved, and you find love – it doesn’t have to be romantic. You could have family, or friends. My last post was about my ex-boyfriend whom I thought I wasted time on, and despite that, I know I’ve learned from that failed love. I have learned my lesson and I believe everyone goes by learning different lessons.
Tiffany wrote a post some time ago titled 5 Things I’ve Learned From Dating A Non-Romantic. Her post sort of inspired me to write this. I’ve decided not to write about my failed loves but to write about my current one, James. ♥️ There are many things I’ve learned from him.
Never, ever judge people. First impressions are always wrong. And we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover because of that. When I first met James, we were probably 13 (or around that age) and he’d tried to fool me with a fake map as we had gotten lost at sport. I thought he was a bit of an idiot. To be a hundred and fifty percent honest, I thought he was weird and a bit ugly. That’s about as far as I let myself judge.
Needless to say, and obviously – I was completely and utterly wrong. If I kept that distorted first impression in my mind, we wouldn’t have become friends. I wouldn’t have found his sense of humour appealing. I might not have given him a chance. As my best friend, Lilian tells me that I seem to give everyone a chance. And James has told me that I always see the good in people, especially people he doesn’t like.
Having James (and Lilian!) say that about me really touched me. A lot of people dislike compliments, but having had a hard childhood, these things mean the world to me. Some people feel uncomfortable about compliments, but I appreciate them – I feel more uncomfortable that I can’t find a way of expressing gratitude.
This leads me to the next… Do not ever change. Maybe once in the past, I would have thought that no one would like the geeky and quiet ballerina that I was. I thought that people would go on thinking I was timid and boring. But James has accepted me for who I am. Even though I’m bitchy, moody and sometimes horribly cunning. Even though I’m short, hyperactive and ridiculously creative and mushily romantic. :’)
It has made me realise that there are people who love me for me. You should never change for other people. Never. There are going to be people who accept you for you.
You cannot change people. People have flaws for a reason. We will never know the good characteristics about people if they don’t have flaws. We will never know the good without the bad. Everyone is their own person, you cannot expect things out of them. Girls – you cannot expect to find a man who has everything you want: blue eyes, brown hair, buys you things, good at sport – what have you. In the beginning, maybe I didn’t like that James made snide jokes or that he slept early every night. But now it’s something I’ve come to accept. And to like. You can’t change a person. Change is inevitable and you cannot force it. People will change over time, naturally, and you must let it run its natural course.
Honesty is the best policy. You have to be honest. It’s as simple as that. You can’t go on hiding things from someone, anyone, not just your significant other. Some shit happened last year that I kept from James for several months.
It killed me inside. I felt terrible about it. I was worried that I’d lose my head if he found out. But I told him the truth, as I knew I had to eventually. And he was more okay with it than I could have ever imagined.
If someone loves you they will truly understand. I think it mattered to him the most that I was honest – even though I could have told him sooner.
Love = friendship. You cannot have love without friendship. You just can’t. Your lover should also be your friend, someone who you confide in. You do love your friends. But how can you love someone without having the foundations of something precious – things needed in any relationship, but built up in friendship? Trust, loyalty, just to mention a few.
There are only too many things I’ve learned from him, though those are perhaps the main few. We don’t always have to learn from current relationships. We might have learned through friends. We might have learned through past loves. Or failed loves. Please, share what you have learned from and about love.
James, I love you. ♥️