2 minutes and 40 seconds with Monica

Monica doesn’t really need an introduction. You just need to read some of the things she writes or look at the photos she takes to get a glimpse into her perennially hilarious character. We have known each other for a long long time over the internet but coolly bumped into each other last year.

She wanted me to share her placeholder splash page that she designed for a university assignment. It kicks ass, and so does her third-person biography:

Monica is a cool design / IT gal who is currently having heart palpitations on her train ride home because a) she had spent 13 hours at university and she hasn’t slept for more than 4 hours since Saturday and b) she’s wearing a silk dress in fifteen degree weather. She hopes to fix her sleeping patterns in time for her 9-5 office job that she will get after she graduates uni in 2017. [insert peace-sign emoji]

Monica, deeply unimpressed by a cheap Easter egg
Monica, deeply unimpressed by a cheap Easter egg

How many pumpkins do you think you could realistically eat in one sitting?

I don’t really eat pumpkins ever but if I had some in front of me I would try to carve faces into them.

What is the most unrealistic life goal you have ever had?

I wanted to buy my mum a mansion which probably wasn’t unrealistic then but now even shiTty apartments in Sydney can cost millions of dollars.

If you are locked in a room with walls painted green, and there is a computer in front of you, along with a box of Tim Tams. What is going on?

Green is my favourite colour so I suspect that it’s around 2025 when I am living in an apartment with all the walls painted green. I am on the computer emailing a complaint to Arnott’s because the Tim Tams have given me food poisoning.

Have you ever done anything ridiculous involving a camera phone?

I took a huge close up of my armpit to see what the regrowth looked like because my arms aren’t that flexible.

What song is your anthem?

Probably Kitty Kat by Beyonce because it makes me feel in control of my body.

Who is your idol and would you care to have dinner or a drink with them?

The artist M.I.A is my idol and I hate drinking but sharing a pizza would be cool.

Would you rather stick stickers all over your face, wear zombie makeup or wear glasses and a fake moustache?

I’ve done the stickers thing one too many times so I would probably try the zombie makeup (provided that it doesn’t interfere with my acne medicine)

If your body odour could smell like food, what food would you want it to smell like?

My body would smell like caramel because I am caramel coloured.

If you could invent a subject for students to study at school, what would it be?

In all seriousness, probably a self loving class for children of colour. I wish my school taught me that being brown is beautiful and that having a flat nose is okay.

Pink marshmallows or red jelly babies?

Both are yucky but red jelly babies are less repulsive.

Really hot spicy noodles, or cold ramen?

Spicy noodles because I’m a little bit of a masochist.

What will you be doing after answering these questions?

Crashing on my bed as I have to be at uni in about 7 hours to move a prototype assignment!

Let us assume you own an orange dog with three feet. What would you name him or her?

Orange reminds me of King Krule so I would name the dog King Krule.

What annoys you more, sticky notes that curl upwards, or price stickers that leave sticky residue?

Definitely price stickers!

Finish this sentence: I ____ over the ____ of ____.

I CRIED over the ENDING of BREAKING DAWN.

You can catch Monica at:

  • mnka.me

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